There once was a vampire, Valentin,
who had all the wenches lamentin'
When invited to meet,
he'd talk about meat
and butchery, never relentin'
- 1 Character Profile
- 2 A bitta hist'ry
- 3 Valentin's Butcher Shop and Charcuterie
- 4 RP List and Miscellany
Name: Bill 'Valentin' Butcher
Date of Birth: Calenders were for rich folks
Race: Working class Human, at least until some toffee-nosed pudding and custard necked him.
Race-post-bastardry: Working class Vampire.
Physique: Stocky. Beefy. Rough and hairy.
Combat Style: See that huge bloody cleaver in his goddamn hand? Aint just fer cow carcasses, innit?
Magnificent Facial Hair: Valentin tromps into the tavern, magnificent muttonchops framing his face in manly fashion beneath his battered old bowler hat. The burly butcher approaches the bar, shaggy ginger hair rustling like rust-blighted spring wheat on his cheeks. Yes, those were muttonchops which could give a man a left jab-right hook combo without the bearer lifting a finger. A lesser beard would weep in envy of those rugged monuments to machismo adorning Valentin's ruddy cheeks.
A bitta hist'ry
It aint easy, growin' in Cenril. Unless you gotta trade or a silver spoon up yer Xalious Pass.
Bill, 'e had a trade. A good one. Butchery never goes out of style.
Bein' a butcher's bloody good fun
In prosperous times it was the usual. Lamb cuts, beef cuts, cut-up bits'a chicken.
When times aint prosperous, well, it's whatever's available and'll sell.
Hungry people don't ask bloody questions, do they? Meat is meat.
Business was good.
Bein' necked aint quite so fun
Business weren't quite so good when some hoity-toity fanged geezer started poncing up Bill's shopfront.
"Talent this, dark magics that, ooh la la monsieur, I have a fancy cravat"
Really, Bill just wanted to shake the bastard by his velvet lapels and tell him to buy a steak and sod off. And so he did.
Turned out, fancy-pants with fangs was stronger than Bill. Sorry: 'Valentin'. 'Bill' was 'Too Working Class' a name. Tosser.
A twisted 'Prenticeship
Cue too many damn years being the git's lackey and being forced to learn 'manners' and 'ye olde darke secrets' along with other tosh.
It weren't easy, learnin' necromancy.
The twisted sire was fecked in th'head. Had all kinds of wrong ideas on how t'teach.
Get a spell wrong? Get chucked in the pit t'fight with whatever abomination had been created the week before.
Forget which fork was which? Get chucked off the goddamn tower balcony.
An the experimentations, well, less said 'bout that the better.
The marks and sigils o'those rituals still pulse and lurk in Valentin's flesh.
Posh vampires are gits, and good riddance
Up popped Vuryal.
Away popped the master.
Off sodded 'Valentin'.
Time to set up shop.
And so, after joining the Necromancer's guild to further his studies, the Butcher returned to Cenril.
Valentin's Butcher Shop and Charcuterie
From Kelay Tavern: 1s, 3e, 1s, 8e, 6s, 1e, 1s
From Cenril's Recall Point: 1s, 2w, 2s, 1e, 1s
Public Access: The Shop Front
The shop front is surprisingly clean and cold - the chill seeming to emanate from the stones of the floor. Its counters are separated into two sections, and there is a sturdy metallic door at the back which appears to have no lock or handle of any kind.
The first set of counters are lined with meats of all kinds and cuts: the usual lamb, beef, veal, venison in chops, steaks, and racks of ribs. Offal and tripe may also be purchased.
The second set of counters holds cured products: Bacon, Hams, Pâtés, Galantines and Sausages of all varieties - some of the latter which are not recognisable even to a sausage connoisseur. 'Valentin's Mystery Sausage' has been a solid seller over the years for its rich flavour and subtle hint of pork.
Products for Sale from Valentin's Inventory
Uncommon meats, for supernatural clientele
Price dependent on negotiations and ability to replace stock
- Ryeanna Brand Gnome Steak
- Flesh of the Innocent
- Hobbit flesh
- mystery meat
- dragon whelp
- goblin brain
- harpy feet
- human leg
- Wyvern Jerky
The following I have at least 10+ in stock.
- Cenril's Finest Prime Beef
- beef sausage
- leg-of beef
- rare steak
- raw meat
- Snow-Rabbit Jerky
- pork chop
- honey ham
- smoked ham
- leg-of lamb
- leg-of turkey
- smoked turkey
- chicken leg
- dark chicken
- Venison steak
- fine venison
- summer sausage
- Goose-liver pâté
Valentin's Workspace: The Cold Room
The metallic door, opened by use of Valentin's necromantic power, leads down into a freezing darkness lit only by the glowing sigils, runes, and arcane patterns which line every inch of the large cold room. Those who still breathe will find their exhalations misting in the bitter, freezing cold of this ensorcelled place. Once eyes have adjusted to the reduced lighting, visitors will be confronted by row after row of meat hooks, sundry carcasses hanging from them, dissuading all but those with the stoutest of stomachs from pushing through to investigate further.
Those who press on through the meat-hooked forest of dead flesh, forced by the density of the collection to bump against those gory meals-to-be, will find Valentin's personal workspace. Large stone benches for the primary cuts, smaller benches for the secondary cuts, and a long rack containing knives of all shapes, purposes and sizes. The sorcerous sigils cluster more thickly in this section, and the pattern seems to spiral in around what appears to be a sealed well from which rustling, writhing sounds emerge. Deep inside that oubliette live Valentin's personal swarm of gravewyrms, relocated from the Vailkrin Cemetery for his own dark purposes. The usefulness of the wyrmpit was found in the fact that the blighters would eat any kind of meat, burrowing through it like termites in wood, leaving any bones and other materials largely untouched. Valentin's horrible little pets were the perfect waste disposal for the butcher. One can only shudder to think what would happen to a living creature thrown down into that hellish pit.
Behind other lockless, handle-less doors, are hidden Valentin's study, curing room, and a room specifically for his private necromantic studies.
RP List and Miscellany
- A bitta conflict in the Hangin' Corpse Tavern
- Layin' down some life lessons in the Whalers Bar
- Necromancy isn't all fun and games. It's blimmin' hard work!
- Sending a message to the clergy of Cenril
- Valentin assists in the construction of one of Vailkrin's defenses: the Hedgehog o'Doom
- Assisting in an attack on a minotaur encampment, Valentin overextends his abilities and experiences a sorcerous migraine
- Suffering from magical backlash 'hangover', the butcher is cranky
- Crankiness turns to violence when Valentin is flipped the two-fingered salute
- The 'hangover cure' involves a silly hat, care of the mistress of the Necromancer's guild
- Valentin receives instruction on necromantic Circles and Sigils from the Haruspex Leifong
- Valentin challenges the necromantic Magister Letum, Leifong, in hopes of becoming his apprentice
- Valentin clashes with the Drow Kuzial after calling him a 'Prettyboy Elf'
- A bit of business at the Butcher's shop
- The Mouse and the Butcher - invitation to the assassin's guild
- Valentin obtains a customer's goods at the expense of the Cenril clergy
- The Butcher and the Wizard - a little meat and greet
- The Butcher and the Assassin - kill or be guild?
- The Butcher and the Merchant - all that is guild does not glimmer
- Valentin interrogates an elven woman regarding the whereabouts of a man marked for death
- The Butcher faces down a red dragon. What kind of psychopath does that?!
- Maladroit's proven to be a troublesome pigeongrubber
- A clever plan to get rid of a gaunt. What could possibly go wrong?
- This is what could possibly go wrong. AKA the return of Tenebrae
- Promotion as punishment: Valentin is proper Effed.
- Thanadule and Novus Morior: Sigils, language, and a lesson in patience
- Valentin tests Kyperion in Vailkrin's Forest of Abyssal Darkness
- Necromancer's Guild Lessons in the Dark Arts - Basic Reanimation
NPC and OOC RP
Assorted fun things
Tiphareth gave 50 barley butcher-brew to you.
Eboric gave 1 Logic Kudos to you.