RP:Remember This Part

Part of the Mearcstapa Arc

Summary: After a fight with Yozenra, Nico finds himself in the Palace Gardens again. Brennia sleepwalks into the garden and starts thrusting her hands into barbed bushes. Nico, in a conflicted panic, stops her and in the midst of the chaos he finds a moment of clarity. They kiss and Brennia asks him to come back to her room, hoping with him by her side she can escape her persistent nightmares. Nico, aware this lucidity is temporary, agrees but slips out in the early morning before she wakes.

Palace Halls

Nicolau slinks around the palace for the next few days in silent stealth. At night, he creeps out, into the rooms of those he's curious about, including Brennia's when he can tell she's asleep. Everyone looked tired. The guards didn't have anything useful to provide with his eavesdropping, so he's trapped in a holding pattern until he actually talks to someone. He's still brooding over his last interaction with Brennia.

One night, while sneaking around, Yozenra catches him in the hall trying to duck back into the lab. "When are you going to stop acting like this?" The Queen's guard asks brazenly. Nico rounds on her, caught and flabbergasted.

"Like what?" He demands, pupils flashing a quick azurite to match Reginae native eye color.

"Like a petulant child." Yozenra stands her ground, hitching her hand on her hip and staring him down. "This isn't like you. This hasn't been like you." Nico snarls, body tensing at the direct shots. They aren't being quiet. "Ever since I found you and Muzo passed out in your room, you've been off and Alithrya's been without a Queen."

"I'm working!" He screams, Reginae's voice layering with his own. "Muzo left me alone with this! I need this to protect everyone!"

Yozenra looks skeptical about this excuse. "You were protecting us just fine before." She pauses, looking down the empty hall behind Nico. "Brennia's been here for almost two weeks and only has two horror stories about you. You're scaring Nadia. Get it together." It's very unlike Yozenra to be so straight forward with Reginae. Maybe her being in Nico's form makes it easier.

At this, Nico storms off to the garden, teeth and hands clenched.

Palace Gardens

Brennia has been dealing with the usual night terrors and unusual stress in the form of a broken heart coupled with how Nicolau has turned into a terror, but isn't that the cause of her breaking heart. The avian has been harder on herself than ever because she feels so helpless. Reginae saved herself and Thedez like it was nothing, but she cannot even reason with anyone here. All of this self doubt and isolation is causing her to show a new symptom, sleep walking. On the off chance she does get a moment of sleep, it starts as a nightmare and then she is walking around with a dead look in her dark eyes. Usually the guards stationed outside of her room redirect her back into her room and wait for her to snap out of it before guiding her back to bed, but they had been drawn away this night by the commotion Nicolau is making and they happen to miss her slipping out of her room while the door shuts on its own behind her.

Bare feet take the tall woman adorned with wings through the large palace like a ghost. Somehow patrol guards happen to just miss her as she mindlessly seems to glide from area to area with her powder blue silk nightgown's short train trailing behind her. She happens upon the same garden Nico comes into and stands motionless before a beautiful flower bush with no expression on her face as her glazed over eyes stare off into nothing. More than likely, this is how her face probably looked while being influenced by the mind dulling concoctions those goblins made. Then her hands reach out to grip the thorny stems of the flowers tightly before yanking them free. Immediately, her avian blood taints the air in the gardens as she lets them fall to the ground, getting crimson stains on the hem of her sleeping gown, but then she grips another two thorny flowers without making any sounds of pain.

Nico hears a noise behind him once he stops in the garden to cool down. He draws his remaining blade and stands at the ready when an expressionless Brennia appears. He relaxes and stows his dagger back in his belt.

“What are you doing here?” He demands, keen eyes watching her hands plunge into the thorns and come away bloody. For the first flower he stays silent. She tosses it to the ground and reaches back in with both hands and he steps in, concern darkening his features. “Stop.” He tells her but gets no response. She pulls both hands out, clasping flowers. Blood is dripping down her hands now. Before she can do it again, he pulls her back, away from it.

“What’s wrong with you? I told you to go home.” He’s anxious, not able to sort out his concern from his anger. If Brennia tries to move or struggle, Nico will hold her shoulders roughly to keep her still.

Her eyes were dead.

“Woman!” He shouts, shaking her but her eyes are still glassy and gone. He swears, anxiety blooming to full blown panic when she doesn’t respond. His chest hurts and he groans like he’s in pain.

Yozenra, hearing him scream, bulldozes her way into the garden but hides behind a bulky topiary when she sees him. Nico’s face is very telling of internal conflict but their guest’s hands were bleeding. Seeing the flowers, the guard continues to wait as Nico’s whole body fidgets while trying to keep her still.

“Your hands.” He whines pathetically, watching blood drip off her fingertips into the grass.

Brennia remains in a dazed state as her teal eyes have taken on a dull black stare. There is not much of any fight back simply because she has little to no strength, especially with the lack of sleep. Now that he is closer he may see how the ink of the tattoo pattern is swirling in on itself around on her dewy bronze skin, but then when he shouts 'woman!' while shaking her shoulders and the ink twitches to a stop before the blackness clouding her gaze fades away. Waking a sleepwalker is dangerous business and she starts crying while looking down as if there are goblins running all around them, "please. Please, stop," she whispers out in a whimper. Then she goes to wipe the tears from her face, leaving a smudge of crimson blood on her cheek instead. Her wings are shaking like a leaf as her breathing has become labored, but then a pair of legs come into view that are not her own and she follows them up to see Nico's face. "Nicolau, where-" she glances around to see she is not in her guarded room anymore and then he mentions her hands. Eyes go wide before inspecting him, ignoring the pain in her hands, "oh my goodness, Nicolau. Are you alright?" It is so strange how she is concerned for him before anything else. She should be concerned that they are alone again with no one to protect her if he has another fit, but too many of her emotions are clashing together whenever she has these horrible nightmares and she suddenly realizes she can feel the blades of grass under her bare feet. "Why am I- oh. Not again," the bard lets out in a whisper while tears stream down her face, but she cannot help it, she is so tired and scared of what is happening to her. This time she wipes her cheeks with the back of her hands and clenches her fists closed while shrinking into Nico. Those velvety soft wings slump in despair as her head fits in the space where his neck meets his shoulder while her own shoulders move up and down in silent sobbing. Pathetic, she has become entirely pathetic.

Nico lets go of her immediately when she whimpers. He didn't see the ink of her tattoos but if he had his memory, he'd recall the way the tattoos moved to hide her wings in the caves. "Okay!" He shouts, backing up and holding his hands back. She says his name and his hands start to shake. The light comes back to her eyes and panic takes the place of emptiness.

"What?!" He howls when she asks if he's okay. "YOUR hands are bleeding." Why is she asking if he's okay? Why was that her first impulse? He doesn't understand what she's thinking. He's never heard of sleepwalking and can't piece together the fragments Brennia is giving him. "I don't -" He starts, shaking his head. He steps closer to hear her better.

Yozenra watches tensely.

Nico's expression changes. Brennia is crying. He's on the ground beside her and she's crying against his shoulder. She needs to have her hands healed but he's stuck. He doesn't like this feeling. It's bitter and frozen. He doesn't put his arms around her but he lets her cry against his shoulder, head turned in the other direction so she can cry privately. His face burns helplessly.

When she feels brave enough to speak, he starts shredding his shirt into strips with his remaining dagger. He puts the scraps in his palm, wrapping his fingers around the pieces he couldn't use to wrap her hands. The scraps become damn, dripping water to the grass. He silently takes one of her hands, palm side up, and starts to slowly wipe the blood off. His face set in a frown. He puts pressure on the cuts until the blood flow slows in the first hand.

Brennia is starting to come out of the fog and confusion as soon as he’s taking his shirt off. She catches herself staring, but of course the rogue version of Reginae is attractive in such a way when you can shapeshift. The avian is taking some deep centering breaths as her therapist suggested when things get this bad, but now her cheeks and ears feel like they are on fire. His act of caring for her far outweighs the screaming in her face and cutting her, but no matter how much she’s trying to be rational, it’s having the opposite effect. That is what happens when someone has been mistreated and kept isolated by their captor even if it’s intentional or not, simple acts of care like this get amplified in the victim’s mind. “I’m sorry. I’ve never experienced my nightmares getting so bad that they make me sleepwalk like this,” she softly sucks air through her teeth and winces as he wipes her hands, but she stays completely still. “I was afraid the blood came from you somehow,” she softly explains in response to his question from earlier. She can still feel her heart beating wildly, so she practices what Doctor Atwood taught her. Five things she can see: the slick raven locks of Nico, the pretty flowers along the garden, the bright green grass under them, her nightgown and then the frown on Nico’s lips. Four things she can touch: his hands caring for her wounds, the pain from the thorns, the wet shirt turned into rags and the cool night air. Three things she can hear: the chirping of bugs in the distance, the ripping of fabric and Nico’s breathing. Two things she can smell: blood and water lilies mixed with iron coming from Nico. Finally, one thing she can taste? Her gaze falls back to his lips as she wonders what they taste like, but she wouldn’t dare and she swallows hard. “Thank you,” she offers sweetly, watching him care for her other hand once the first one is wrapped up.

Nico listens while binding her hand. "Did you tell Nadia?" He says, still frowning. The healer makes a special herbal tea that Yozenra tries to make him drink. He doesn't react to her wincing but keeps trying to clean and dress her wounds. He can feel her pulse racing from his hold on her hand. "I'm fine. No injuries." The blood was only hers. "You were grabbing at flowers." He tells her, in case she didn't recall or wanted to know where they came from. His elbow gestures to the flowers she'd pulled out and thrown.

Nico had nightmares but not in this way. He doesn't know about Yozenra's orders to keep Brennia here. The Queen's guard has allowed letters but the guards read them first for any coded S.O.S. to rescue her. Her capture was plush and friendly enough. Any food she wanted, any book, any fabric or clothing. They even have a new tailor since Reginae killed the last one. "Don't move." He warns, flushing the deeper cuts with summoned water. He dries it carefully, not looking at her face or following her eyes. His rogue face is stone but he looks up at her when she thanks him. "No." He rejects her thanks, staring hard at her. His fingers tighten the knot of the fabric wrapped around her hands. He lifts her chin with his knuckle, angling her face up. "I told you to go home." He whispers when they lock eyes.

Brennia nods once, “yes, but my troubles are from a deep psychological trauma from being a prisoner on that goblin farm. Unfortunately my diet is quite delicate due to the surgeries I’ve had to fix the damage done to my body because of the illegal potions the goblins made all of their captors take.” Here she is a captor again, but this time is different, right? She wants to be here because she must help in some way, somehow. Plus, they aren’t keeping her mindless, chaining her up in her sleep and whipping her. So it’s better! If anything, it is quite luxurious. “Okay,” the avian obeys diligently. She hates he won’t even look at her and it makes a sinking feeling settle down in her stomach. Her brows knit together in concern when he rejects her thanks and she cannot help but stare right back in a tense moment with his knuckle holding her chin up. “I can’t while my heart is breaking. You can barely even look at me, you must loathe me so much now that you don’t remember me,” Brennia whispers back with tears well up in the corners of her eyes, but they do not fall. She is trying to carefully consider what to say next because it could send him off in a fit again if she harps on certain things. Her gaze slips to his lips again knowing a kiss wouldn’t even help anyway because that was never something they did before, so why is it so tempting at this moment? Sitting on the cool grass in the middle of the night and the silence of the peaceful gardens. “I just can’t Nicolau,” is all her soft raspy timbre can muster.

Nicolau's bothered by the way she flinches or stiffens obediently. She was listening, which was what he wanted, but this rigid way she's holding her body is unnatural. She's on guard. Good, she'd been too easy to overtake the first time they met. His eye twitches when she says he loathes her. That's wrong, but is it? The frown on his face stays, his head shaking slightly when she says she can't. He didn't remember the goblin farm or the illegal potions. All of that nonsense didn't exist for him. He wasn't a part of it, even if Regi rescued her. Who was this woman? She turned up out of nowhere, crying and staying around like she belonged here. Avian's don't belong here. "Look at me," he says when her eyes deviate from his gaze. The words are a whisper. Nico studies Brennia's eyes with unwavering intensity. The silence stretches on until he speaks. "What's wrong little miss?" His whispered words are framed in transparent mirth, his lips tipping into the ghost of a smile before he lifts her lips to meet his. He doesn't understand why until it happens. Her soft, supple lips melt into his and all he can smell is blood, crushed flower petals and the heat of her skin.

Brennia wouldn't dare admit that Yozenra has been convincing her to stay here, dangling her in front of Reginae/Nicolau like bait because maybe the Nico side of Reginae’s subconscious can be reasoned with. It may not be a step forward, but maybe it’s a step in another direction altogether. Even though she has explained her trauma once before, she shares the information for him as if it is the first time, though. Maybe she doesn’t belong here, but Reginae always took care of her and always made sure she felt like she belonged. She cannot go back to her home island of Vere anymore and it has been made clear they don’t want her In Schezerade as their voice… Maybe she doesn’t belong anywhere. His command is obeyed as her solid teal gaze drifts back up to his and the sound of her heart beating faster in her long tapered ears is all she can hear during the intense moment he’s just staring into her. Large black wings shift ever so slightly when he calls her ‘little miss’ and butterflies flurry in her stomach. She ignores the slight prickle of pain in the palms of her hands as they plant flatly on the grass so she doesn’t completely melt into him when her lush lips fold delicately to mix with his own. Teal hues flutter closed and her wings now stretch ever so slightly in excitement and she wishes she was mentally stronger because that is embarrassing. There is a strong desire to drape her arms over his shoulders and deepen the kiss, but it’s like trying to not frighten a deer while also trying to figure out what the heck this is leading to because of their fragile mental state. She’s afraid that when this kiss ends and her eyes open, Nico will be back to his bratty self talking about snails again. Once the lip lock naturally ends, her eyes slowly open and there is a sort of dazed look in her eyes before she swallows hard to softly ask in a whisper, “N-Nicolau?”

Nicolau is deeply at war with himself, herself? His chest is tight like he couldn’t breathe. He kisses her carefully, like she’d erupt into flames if he fell any deeper. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. A voice is screaming to stop but another voice is saying an entirely different thing. His hand moves to rest lightly on the back of her neck to hold her close until the kiss breaks. “You look so sad.” He says in the warm, familiar voice of himself, looking at her tear stained cheeks. Then he frowns, wrestling with a conflict in his head. “Something vital is missing.” He says, gesturing between them with his thumb and pinky. “For both this time.” Something vital but what? Nico takes her bandaged hands into his. “You aren’t safe here.” He whispers like a confession, leaning in close by her ear. Anticipating she’ll refuse, because that’s just the kind of person Brennia’s always been, he smiles with a level of sadness Brennia’s never seen. “I’ll be okay.” He promises. “Besides,” He tucks back a loose strand of hair behind her pointed ears, “I’d never forgive myself if you got hurt.” His Hazel eyes dip to her hands. “Again.”

Brennia cannot help the soft and short moan that had vibrated between their lips when he so boldly secures her place with his hand lost in the dark coily tresses of her hair. Instinct takes over and her wings curve around them for privacy, enveloping him in his favorite scent. His whispered words make her nod a little in agreement even though she is considering how this is happening? Could Nicolau be branching off as his own consciousness within Reginae? If so, how real could any of this really be? “I haven’t been able to sleep, I’m just tired,” she admits when he says she is sad. When he repeats his quote, she tucks her lip between her teeth to bite back the tears, but she is blushing still and then a grin spreads on her lips, poking a dimple on her cheeks when he takes her hands. Her head turns ever so slightly towards him so their cheeks touch during his whisper, but it is over too soon when he’s pulling away again. “It seems I am not safe anywhere.” She is tempted to tell him the Flewminati is on the hunt again, but it isn’t entirely a lie because there has been an incident. Unfortunately his mention of being okay isn’t enough for her to just brush her hands of this and leave as that sadness in his eyes pulls at her heartstrings. “You’ve saved me more than once. I am going to save you, no matter what it takes,” she ignores the subtle pinch of pain on her palms when her fingertips curve around his hands to hold them while her gaze still holds his. “You’re stronger than this, I know you are and I just need you to fight it. Please,” the last word is a whisper. The soft gesture of pushing her hair out of her face and tucking it behind her ear is making her heart skip beats while she leans into him a half inch. “I will never forgive myself if you’re lost forever,” her gaze follows the path those hazel ones make and she lets her forehead rest against his.

“Help me fight my nightmares tonight… just sleep near me,” she is afraid if she lets him out of her sight he will be lost again. “Please,” her voice becomes a whisper again, sounding weak and tired.

Nicolau's holding on by a thread. She's sad because she isn't sleeping? No, he doesn't believe her. She smiles and in the middle of the war raging inside him, he smiles back. "There she is." Her smile could launch ships. "Not safe anywhere?" He asks but she never explains. It pains him to see her like this and feel powerless against the nightmares that cause it. "I'm okay." He says again, trying to keep any bite from his tone. "But I will." What will he fight? He's tired of fighting. Brennia looks so determined that he lies and says he'll fight. The elegant request of helping her fight her nightmares is a fight he can try. His hand cups her cheek with their foreheads still together. "Okay." He relents but he's already exhausted so laying down sounded like a fight he could handle. "How could I ever say no to you?" He presses a quick kiss to her forehead and moves back, gently helping her up by supporting her elbow. "Let's go."

Yozenra is stunned. Her plan to use Brennia as a 'bait' to lure him out had worked. And if they can get Nico out, Regi's not far behind. The Queen's guard retreats, posting extra guards outside Brennia's room in case something goes wrong.

Nico has Brennia lead the way to her room. Through the garden and back down the corridors to the guest wing. He keeps a look out for any guards but the patrols must have moved on. They don't encounter any trouble and arrive swiftly. When she points out the door, he'll open it for her, since her hands are injured. Nico closes it soundless behind them, surveying her room like a stranger. Most of the palace rooms looked the same but it looks like Brennia made special requests for art or other finery. The guards and Yozenra had ordered whatever extravagant thing Brennia asked for so she'd feel at home. At home and like she had options. "What's all this?"

Brennia folds her wings, finally lifting the curtain shrouding them from the outside world as he accepts her plea and her heart feels like it might burst because he kisses her again. So what it is only on her forehead! Maybe she will have dreams of that instead of goblins clanking chains on her wrists and ankles. Once she is on solid footing, she links her arm through his while they walk casually back to her room and for most of it, she is resting her head on his shoulder. She has Nicolau back and she must soak every second up before he is stolen from her. When he opens her door, she touches her fingertips to her lips because they still feel the heat of his kiss and then she is crossing the threshold into her room so he can close the door. Her room is cozy with a harp placed off in the corner since a grand piano won't fit and she asked they purchase some art from a few DeVere College of Bardic Arts alum. Most of them body studies of varying races in their land. There was a small mess of music sheets by the harp and she assumes that is what Nicolau is referring to, "I have been trying to manage my depression to get my bard powers back. I figured I would vacation here to get away from the stress back home since my classes are out for the summer semester. Then I was asked to stay as a special guest here," she leaves it vague as to who asked and she is afraid to mention Yozenra's plan even though Brennia doesn't fully understand it herself.

Then she gently uses her fingertips to grab his hand and guide him towards her large bed, which is mostly so large because of her wings, but there is plenty of room for him as well. She sits down and looks up at him, her gaze catches at his toned abdomen, but she does find her way to his face, "I know you're tired. I know how it feels to be rushed back into sudden consciousness," her brow nits together as she feels the pain of missing death again, but she doesn't dare break her eye contact because she knows this version of Nicolau knows what she admitted in the caves. "It is draining," she doesn't want to push her luck with more words of 'fighting' and then she finally looks to the chaise lounge in her room before looking over her shoulder at her bed. "I'm tired, too," she allows him to choose where he sleeps as she gets comfortable on her bed while leaving plenty of room for him. "Do you remember how much my bodyguard glared at you and your shameless flirting when we had drinks at the Schezerade Tavern the night we first met?" Whatever story he shares about their first night is met with pleased hums of reminiscing and soft little raspy giggles before sleep eventually takes her. With him near the night terrors are far away and an alien thing while all she dreams about are the good, wholesome and joyous things in her life.

Every step they take towards her room feels like a lifetime. Nico's hanging in there but his feet start to drag a few doors down from her room. He turns to look at her while she explains the room decorations. Even though part of him had been telling her to go, he's tricked into thinking she's happy to be here. The room is well furnished and lavishly decorated, showing she was being taken care of. That's one weight off his shoulders here and a hundred more to go. "They better be treating you right." He tries tugging up his smile but it droops with exhaustion. Who Brennia was is starting to melt away. Nico pushes aside the hundreds of pillows on Bre's bed and holds the covers up for her. "Get in then." His body feels stiff but he crawls in after her. "Come here." His arm coils around her shoulders, drawing her close so she can rest against him. Without thinking, he starts running his hands through her hair. He shuts away his hazel eyes behind heavy lids. He hums an answer of acknowledgement.

He did remember how rude her bodyguard had been. "Just two people...having a chat." He mumbles with a grin. Not much time has passed and she's asleep already. He looks at her, remembering their cheeky banter and flirty vibes. They weren't the same people anymore. She'd mentioned she was depressed and he sits there, eyes straining to open, tasting the word in his mouth. He hasn't seen her smile since some ridiculous nonsense they did together. It is the bar or the announcer job, or another time that slips his mind. He brushes her hair back from her face and studies her. The subtle way her shoulders rise and fall in even breaths. "I'll try to stay." He says to the room, using his free hand to wave his hand to dim the lights. His body aches. He's been shifted for weeks now, not that he can remember. He rolls on his side, crushing Bre against him with both arms. "Remember this part, okay, little miss?" He kisses her forehead again before loosening his grip on her so she doesn't wake up. He studied her face in the dark like he'd find the cure for all their woes. He remembers where her dimples cut her cheeks. Eyes heavy, he fades into sleep next to her. Even still retaining the rogue's form.

Brennia melts in place as Nico wraps his arm around her and she pulls one of her wings over them like a blanket when one of her long legs rises up to rest on top of one of his long legs under the cover of her slightly blood stained nightgown. One arm tucks between them while the other rests along his middle and traces the rugged abdomen in calming strokes. She grins again at his recollection of the first night they met and those dimples press in on her cheeks while his fingers in her hair makes her feel so preciously protected. Because of this, she is pulled under into a peaceful sleep at last. His words drift into her subconscious and there is a hint of a nod from her as her tired little voice hums a whispered, “mmokay, darlinnng.” The kiss to her forehead makes her heart skip a beat and her brow twitches ever so slightly with happiness at the affectionate gesture. She knows he probably won’t be the same when they wake and it will break her heart all over again, but this will be a night she won’t forget and it’s entirely worth what she has been through so far. In her mind the picture is perfectly clear, her face nuzzled along his shoulder with his cheek resting on her forehead and their limbs entwined adoringly, but no matter how much that vital thing is missing within them, this isn’t fixed so easily. She’ll never be able to leave now…