RP:Crikey! A Snakodile Hunter!
Synopsis: The caged-beasts from a day prior are on the loose in Gualon! Steve, a thick-accented hunter is on the case! Lanara, however, wants to be too, so she persuades her husband to join the journey. This is a set-up for madness in the swamps of Gualon.
Part of the New Moon, New Motion Arc
This is a Adventurer's Guild RP.
The Swamps
Tiber :: On the day after unleashing the caged beasts and bringing back Cinner from the dead, Lanara and Tiber woke up to a toyger. A feisty one, at that, but along with that, the couple decided to eat lunch at the local Kelay Tavern for a little rest in their home territory, but, little did they know, not for long. Tiberius is smacking down a meat-stacked sandwich, mouth open-wide as someone busted through the door. The man who busts through the door is a young, and very tanned fellow who marches straight to Mesthak. Clean-shaven with blonde hair poking beneath the hat with an aura of ambition! The man wears an adventurer's hat as well as cargo shorts, a long-sleeve, and a fishing vest. “I’ll take a shot for the road because cr-ie-nky nature calls! Word has et that mighty beasts have escaped from cages and are running rampant! They called me to catch a few–a sphinx, a wild-fire breathing ostrich, and a hippogriff. Volatile creatures! I’m takin’ my boat through the swamps to catch ‘em myself and bring them to better well-suited environments!” The thick-accented man throws back the liquor before marching out the tavern door. The first thing Tiber does is turn his head to look at Lanara. “No, we’re not helping,” as he already knows what is going to pop into Lanara’s mind. “Crocodile man has it.”
Lanara is daintily nibbling on a grilled chicken wrap, enjoying marital bliss and the fact that her familiar has returned to the land of the living. Of course Cinder isn’t too happy to be thriving, due to the botched ritual that turned her into a shrunken tiger. The cat sits at Lana’s feet, glaring at Tiber as he chews with his mouth open and she cannot hold back, “So. You really married this abomination?! Was there truly no one else to wed? Why did you stoop so low!? Even that simpleton midget Frances is better!” The witch smirks and shakes her head, not having to relay the message to her husband because he now shares that delightful telepathic bond with the feline. Lana shushes Cinder with a piece of chicken, “Behave! We are resuming our honeymoon tomorrow but decided that today will be a day of rest. That’s the only reason we even brought you with us! And-” She’s cut off by the man that barges into the tavern like owns the place, the bubbling excitement contagious as he speaks with an accent and tries to hype up Mesthak. As he mentions three of the beasts that Lana and Tiber had freed the night prior, the witch gives the man a long, studying glance. It seems like he truly wishes to help in this dilemma and that the animals will be well cared for, after he catches them. Sure, she’s been duped before, but it’s not like she can house them at her sanctuary and risk outing herself and her husband. They could face serious jail time or be murdered! Probably nothing -that- dramatic, but Lana doesn’t trust that sleazy cyclops and his crew of misfits. Tiber states that they are not helping and she drops her sandwich onto her plate, juts out her lower lip in a perfect pout, lifts those big brown doe eyes, and batts her lashes, “I’m not hungry anymore. Hearing about those poor animals stuck in the swamp is just ruining my appetite… It’s not like we have any plans for today… But, I understand that you don’t want to make me any happier than you have last night, with retrieving the ritual items. And here I had this fantasy that I wanted to fulfill tonight but…” A heavy sigh escapes her as she lifts a hand to her heart, as if she’s truly devastated.
Tiber’s long leg moves to give the newly made toyger a small kick. Would Tiber kick any -normal- animal? Of course not. But Cinder had another thing coming. Tiberius was charming, right? Right?! The man looks moody as they have to spend their day of rest with the stupid, resurrected pet. The Catalian watches how the Kelvarian drops her wrap on the plate. The lush lip puckers into sadness. “No,” he lifts a finger as if to stop her. “You will eat,” beat. “It’s easy. You’ll forget in five minutes, promise.” He has no more worries, so he thinks. The man opens his mouth again to finally enjoy a bite of his large lunch before her next doe-eyed look peers over his sandwich. Words that trail from her mouth, make his eyes wide before lowering the sandwich on the plate. No… fantasies? Without saying anything, he scoots out of his chair and stands. “Come on… Let’s go.” He says this in monotone as he strides towards the door. Missing sultry time? No way. Not in the Lowell household. The lycan is not an idiot and knows what his wife is doing, but he already knows that she would follow through with her faux sadness. What a player of a wife he had. Tiber swings the tavern door open before hollering. “Hey!” He calls after the adventurer. “We couldn’t help but overhear the… concern in the tavern. You got room on your boat?” The shaggy haired man turns to look at Tiber. “Ay! That’s the John Dory!” Tiberius recognized this accent. This slang. The adventurer meant ‘that’s the gossip’--the story. “You wanna join? What’ya waitin’ for. Les go!” Oh boy, here they go. Tiber side eyes his beautiful, witty little witch. “You owe me that fantasy.”
Lanara pouts harder and nips her lower lip, knowing that the move will drive the lycan crazy. Cinder swipes Tiber’s shoe when she’s kicked and chuckles, “Let’s use this loser for bait! I hear that there’s lots of beasts lurking in the swamp.” She’s secretly hoping that one of those beasts mauls Tiber to where he’s unrecognizable or dead. Tiber opens his mouth to take another delectable bite of his sandwich and falls victim to his thirst trap of a wife. Without waiting another moment, Lana watches her husband abandon his lunch and race to the door to call after the beast hunter. She follows suit but blinks when the man calls him ‘John Dory’ and wonders if he’s confused Tiber with another handsome man. Regardless, she takes Tiber’s hand in hers and joins up with the stranger, having a little difficulty following his lingo. The khaki loving male pats them both on their shoulder and pulls them in for an awkward group hug, “Crikey! I thought I was going to have to wrangle those beauties by myself! Glad to have you along, Mates!” Cinder squints her eyes and dissolves into the shadows, likely planning something sinister for Tiber. “I’m Lana and this is Tiber…” She makes the introductions and they walk along the path, but the man turns around so abruptly that they nearly collide! “Gee whiz! Pleased to meet’cha both, Mates! I’m Steve. Whoo!” He sprints off towards Gualon and Lana exchanges a look with Tiber, “He’s really… Excitable.” Dropping her voice to a whisper she nibbles on her mans knuckles, “I’ll deliver that fantasy, don’t you worry.”
Tiber is stunned when he’s wrangled into a hug by the overly enthusiastic stranger. Eyes dart straight to Lanara at this moment. Yeah, she owed him. Big time. Eyes then look at Cinder and she dissolves away. Can he have -that- power? They wander along until they almost bump into the explorer. “Yeah, isn’t he?” Tiber’s voice is almost flat, but the whisper makes him a little chipper. Then they are off! They wander and Steve talks their ear off the whole way. He talks about native animals within the Sage forest. Bears he has wrestled to get out of traps and birds he had saved from polluted areas. “I’m a Lithrydelian traveler. Called in different areas for wild creatures to wrangle and get to safer places!” Eventually, the scenery begins to change. The air begins to become thick with humidity. Various gnats begin to swarm and the thick, foul smell of swamp is not too far ahead. Once they come along the thick murky water, a boat is already nestled with another man who wears similar attire as Steve. “Bubba!” Steve waves and hollers. “We gotta crew! Hop aboard! I know the swamps like the backa my hand! This is Bubba, one of our steerers! Wicked water mendah!” Bubba looks awfully sweaty, and dirty from the swamps and wilderness, but he waves at the two newcomers with the same amount of enthusiasm.
Lanara doesn’t mention that she manages an animal sanctuary, but she does admit that she has a fondness for all animals, “I -love- animals! But, I am -terrified- of snakes… I have quite a menagerie of my own at home, Steve. As soon as I heard you talking to Mesthak, I knew that we had to jump in and join you.” Steven shakes his head when Lana says she dislikes snakes, “You gotta love ‘em!” The stench of the swamp assaults their senses and the witch walks closer to Tiber, so that she can inhale his cologne and not be at risk of fainting. The smell of rotting eggs is all too familiar to Steve though, and he throws his head back and flares his nostrils, not quite getting enough of the aroma. Bubba reaches out a moist, dirty hand to shake to Tiber, and he bows to Lana, before stepping aside so that the couple may board the rickety boat. The witch sits beside her lycan and the boat pushes off to navigate through the murky water and thick trees that line the way. It’s cloudy and foggy, so it’s hard for them to see even a few feet in front of their faces. They lose sight of Steve at one point, but then he leaps before them and is merely an inch from their faces, as he lowers his voice to a whisper and shows them a yellow lizard with black dots on his scales, “Lookie here, Mates! This is one of the deadliest creatures in the realm! I poked at it with a stick for a little bit, but she’s a beauty! Look at that smile!” The small lizard fidgets in his grasp and hisses, threatening to bite at any given second. Steven kisses it atop its head before lowering it to the water, “This is the life! Nature! Isn’t it, Mates?!”
Tiber hesitantly shakes Bubba’s hand before gathering into the boat. He helps Lanara step into it without falling. The smell is putrid, but he settles himself anyway. Bubba manipulates the water below to help the boat flow through the dirty water. The fog seeps, and Tiberius is wondering his actual decisions. He was beginning to think he could use his own thirst-trap ways that would’ve swooned his wife to avoid this madness. Think with the brain Tiber, not the pants. Steve jumps back from the thick air with the yellow lizard. Eyes stare, as he does not get why this is so… wonderful? Eyes look at Lanara to see her expression. Was she regretting this, as well? Steven then throws his arms out in enthusiasm, as if this was the best place to be. Smelly, humid, and bug infested nature. Tiber slaps his neck as a gnat lands on him. Then Steve almost rocks the boat. “Quiet!” Like they were talking in the first place? “Bubba, I see it. Get closer, get closer, Mate!” His tone is hushed again. “Slow, slow. Bring it into the grass, Bubs,” Bubba steers the boat that shakes long cattails before halting. In the distance, there was the hippogriff on land leaning down to peck at the earth in solitude. Wings are tucked and calm in the area. “We can’t scare it. It’s important to give yourself and respect these creatures to respect you. Aye, she’s beautiful,” Steve stares bewildered before lowering himself. “Let’s go. Careful. Follow me.” Steve steps into the murky water and rustles within the cattails. It causes the hippogriff to lift it’s head and stare at the three. Tiberius seems hesitant, like he wants to stay back in the boat, but he knows better. “Lanara,” Steve calls. “I want you to walk up carefully. Lift your hands. Bow and let it be known you are trustworthy. Then, I can leash it to get it to a safer location.”
Lanara isn’t that impressed with the lizard, but she also wouldn’t be waving it around in people’s faces and kissing it on the snout, considering it’s the most ‘dangerous’ animal in the realm. Its saliva is toxic! She draws the line at reptiles, it seems, because she has no qualms about wrestling with lions and cuddling up to hyenas on a daily basis. Bubba slows the boat and lifts a finger to shush them, while Lana is pointing out the cattails to Tiber. “It’s not -rat- tail!” She’s still a little sore about Tiber playing voodoo priest and shrinking her familiar. Steve steps into the waist deep water and approaches the hippogriff, calling back to the witch as he needs assistance. “Okay. I’m an empath, I can totally just-” She means to say that her powers are strong enough to emit from inside the boat, the safe platform that shields her from any water snakes, but it’s then that Bubba slaps her forcefully on the back. “Hurry. We don’t want him to get away! You got this, Sayonara!” The little witch literally flops out of the boat and is submerged in the gross, murky depths of the swamp, her last thought being that Bubba had gotten her name wrong. A few seconds later she rises from the depths with seaweed in her hair, grime coating her flesh, and that awful smell clinging to her clothes. She’s trying to catch her breath and bends over as she’s hacking up a lung, when Steve lassos the hippogriff and praises her, “Nice work, Lana! It accepts your bow and yields to us wildlife warriors, aye? Crike-y! Bubs and I may have to bring you along on more adventures!” The hippogriff obediently follows Steve out of the water and onto land, where he’s guided into a cage. Lana looks like some evil swamp thing as she gives Tiber the stink eye and points to her side. She doesn’t speak, but the intent is there. Get. In. The. Water. With. Your. Wife. NOW! As she waits for Tiber to join in on this rescue mission, the fire breathing ostrich seems to have found Steve on land and hurled a fireball at the man’s khaki shorts! “Yikes! This birdy is coming in hot!” He dives into the swamp with the ostrich following quickly behind, littles jets of fire exiting its beak and burning the cattails and foliage.
Tiber pulls his brows together as the witch reminds him of the ‘rat tail’ mistake. “You were sobbing uncontrollably, how would I know?” He finally says in his own backfire way. Bubba throws a finger to shut the couple up. Tiber then sucks in his lips at the forgetting of Lanara’s name. “Whatya Sayonara?” He slaps his wife’s behind and then she flops into the water. Amusement fills his golden gaze at the little witch moving through the murky swamp. He holds his mouth because if she heard him even laugh one single bit, she would have his head, he was sure of it. Who was right and who was wrong in this moment? A little of both, honestly, but Tiber feels like he had a point back at the tavern. “Wow, babe! You should join team Steveubba!” The stink eye is given, and Tiber puts his hands behind his head and props his feet in the boat with a wide, knowing grin at his wife who is covered in muck. He almost shakes his head, until the ostrich blows flame and is running rapidly. “Oh, shi–” Tiber scrambles in the boat before leaning on the side. Bubba taps Tiber’s back and tosses him an apple. “Here,” Bubba says simply. Tiber glares at the boat-steerer before sliding into the thick waters. Rancid. He holds his breath to maneuver through the grime and onto land. He takes the apple. “Hey!” He calls towards the ostrich before automatically shoving the apple forward. Tiberius kneels on one leg to show a calm stature. The ostrich holds its breath for once before prancing over to the man to lay it’s long neck down and peck at the apple. Tiberius lowers the fruit to the ground as a peace offering and Steve jumps in to steer the ostrich to a safe crate. “Mates! Ya got it! Yahoo!” Lazily, Tiber’s neck rolls to his wife in a glare of ‘really’? He still mouths the ‘you owe me’ silently before standing.
Lanara crosses her sludge covered arms and quirks a brow when Tiber slides into the water with an apple. She wonders if he means to be a moving target and she hopes that the ostrich doesn’t prefer his apples to be roasted. Maybe if her husband hadn’t leaned back and posed like that in the boat, with his smug smirk and amusement in his eyes, she would have offered to help. Instead, Lana is content to watch and if Tiber sustains a few burns she will tend to him after this wildlife excursion. Steven is jumping around like a jellyfish and clapping his hands in glee, “We only have one more critter to add to our crates, Mates! The elusive sphinx! Now, as you probably know, most cats hate the water! But I think that is a bunch of bologna! We need to swim deeper into this fine pool and have ourselves a looksee!” Lana clears her throat and shakes her head, “Um. They can’t breathe underwater, so exactly what are we hoping to find?” She gesticulates wildly with her dirty hands and all of a sudden she freezes with her arms outstretched, her mouth wide open, and her eyes as wide as saucers. Mocha skin looks a tad pale and Lana seems unable to form words, “In. My-my-my. Shorts!” Apparently a water snake has slithered its way up Lana’s legs and into her tight denim shorts. “I. I.” Stricken with fear she points at Steve, first, and then realizes she doesn’t want him reaching into her bottoms. “Tiber. Help me!” Wailing now and frozen in place, Lana blurts out, “A snake is in my shorts! I can feel it trying to pass my waistband but my shorts are too tight and it’s getting angry!” Steve raises both his palms “Calm down, Mates! Bubba and I will go and find the sphinx and you two can sort out the trouser snake mishap.” Bubba yells from the boat, “Timber! Go save Sayonara! We cook snake for dinner!” Steve is disheartened by this and slaps his hands in the water, “Bubs! We save the animals and respect their natural environment! No snake soup for you!” Lana keeps her eyes on Tiber and tries not to breathe too heavily, “I will fulfill ten thousand fantasies if you get this thing off of me without it biting me.”
Tiber is worn by the thought of another creature. Only because the muck was beginning to linger, smell, and dry. Mud crusting over his forearms. Tiberius is about to give in his two cents regarding the sphinx, but then Lanara stops. There is a wild look on her face. A panicked one. “What babe?” Tiberius’ face drops in concern as he tries to look over the woman. He cannot see anything until there is sudden movement in her shorts. “What the hell?!” Tiber jumps back mildly because… what was going on down there? Her gaze looks from Steve to… him? Quickly Tiber looks to Steve, “You’re gonna leave? Now? What if it’s poisonous?” Beat. Steve adds, “Surely you got it, mate! You tamed the others!” Then Steve jumps into his shunning of Bubba. Tiber then looks at his wife wide-eyed. “I, uh,” Tiber’s hands are hovered over her pants but hesitant. He was not scared of snakes, but then there was the poisonous lizard. “I shouldn’t have been greedy,” with lust. A large sigh is let out from the man before coming closer to the woman. He reaches for her button and zipper before sticking his hand in blindly to feel the scales beneath the waistband. The snake wiggles before latching around Tiber’s wrist. The pissed off snake sinks teeth within the man’s arm before unwrithering and slithering off. “Sh–” Tiber bites back. He seethes and closes his eyes briefly before opening them to see what kind of snake it was. A simple water snake. Non-poisonous. Well, it looks like he got his from when Lanara faced her fears of snakes at the circus. “Are you okay?” He does not bother with the bite, as it did not scare him. The bite would heal quickly. He pulls the woman in, “It’s okay. Can we just go home? Steve and the dweeb definitely have this under control? Can we just go home and bathe? Sleep in our bed? I know we want to be saviors and all, but… this was not ideal on the itinerary of our vacation.”
Lanara glares at Tiber as he hesitates because he’s worried that the snake could be venomous, “Are you serious right now?” She bursts into tears and the serpent wiggles wildly in her shorts and starts to chomp at the denim, but thankfully it steers clear of her flesh. The lycan and Steve are each discussing how they don’t want to help her and a panic attack rapidly approaches. She’s practically screaming at this point, “I’m going to die from it’s bite or a heart attack and you aren’t willing to risk-” She holds her breath as Tiber is now standing in front of her and unbuttoning her pants, their eyes locking briefly as he slides the zipper down and reaches inside. Lana whispers, “No… Be as greedy as you want with me, I like knowing that you’re attracted to me. Maybe next time I won’t blindly volunteer us for playtime in the swamp… On our honeymoon, no less.” Both of them make false promises; he will always be lustful of her and she will always pull him into chaotic circumstances. The snake sinks its teeth into Tiber’s arm before it slithers off through the weeds and swims into deeper water, and Lana glances after it to make sure it’s harmless. It is. “Are you okay?” She reaches out to look at his arm but the Catalian pulls her into an embrace and she shudders, “Thank you… I’m terrified, but I’m alright. I love you.” She’s still shaking like a leaf on a winter day but some of the color has returned to her face and she leans back to zip up and button her shorts. The last thing they need is a repeat! Steve is applauding Tiber’s efforts and wipes a tear from his eye, “That was beautiful, Mate! The way you just went in there and rummaged around in her drawers! Magical! Truly! Crikey, this has been a hellova time! But… I think Bubs and I can take it from here! You have been more than enough help!” He mumbles, “Plus our benefactors may not be so kind if we get sued for liability… On your way, Mates!” Bubba and Steve float down the river in the small boat, leaving the couple to have to swim to shore. The elf shakes her head in disbelief, “Wow. Well, at least we have each other!” Lana wades through the water and prays to the Goddess that there aren’t any more surprises, “Please get me home. I want to bathe and just spend the rest of the day in bed together!”
Tiber keeps the woman close for a moment. “I’m okay, seriously. It’s nothing. It’ll heal,” beat. “I love you, too.” He pulls back to tuck some strands of hair behind her ear. He looks over his shoulders to guard her unbuttoned shorts before Steve calls out in the glorious chant of ‘wows’. Tiberius frowned as Steve was so observant, but mostly for the animalistic purposes. Steve was oblivious and infatuated with nature–no time to care about what else was in the Kelvarian’s shorts. “I think that’s for the best.” Beat. “Hell of a time is an understatement, but you are good at what you do, Steve.” A smirk is casted as he keeps a hand close onto his wife for safety–reassurance. The two wild men steer away on the boat. Bubba casting waves behind them before the two break for shorelines to head back home. Once they are on land, he sweeps the woman off her feet. “I think you had enough terror today. I think I’ll treat you to a little fantasy tonight instead.” He grins as he likes control, anyway. “A bath it is,” and then they are off to home. Hopefully Cinder behaved herself while they were away playing zookeepers. And the rest of the evening would be a night-full of clean water, lust, and bedsheets.