RP:Are You Okay?

This is a Mage's Guild RP.

Summary: No. No, Khitti is not okay.

The Tranquility, Cenril Wharf

Khitti || The Tranquility was just the same as ever, or so it seemed on the outside. The whole of the crew was ever a bunch of secretkeepers, so someone on the outside would never be the wiser that not only they, but more importantly, the ship’s captain and his significant other, had been made to believe that they led an entirely different life for the past several months. Mostly everyone had gone back to normal. Nothing -really- had changed for them. They’d worked on the ship that entire time and nothing more. For Brand and Khitti though, things had changed drastically. Brand had somewhat more quickly accepted this new normal than Khitti had--to the point that Khitti occasionally needed to get the anger and confusion out of her system. Except… she was now sometimes a he, thanks to Brand’s newly acquired shapeshifting magic. The currently five foot eleven inch Khitti took his time returning to the Tranquility, nursing a bruised split lip, a few bruised ribs, a bloodied nose. Even his knuckles were bloody, but -that- blood wasn’t his. He had actually thought for once to wrap up his hands before going to the Whaler and pissing off random occupants and goading them into a fight. The seemingly familiar, yet not quite redhead couldn’t help but smirk to himself as he headed down the wharf to Brand’s ship and eventually up the ship’s gangplank. He was too pleased with the fact that he won again--something that hadn’t always happened in his female form.

Valrae had decided sometime that morning between her tea and bathing Finn that she was going to pay Khitti a visit. The last time the guild had gotten together in the bakery, the redhead had seemed so off, so unlike herself, that even the awkwardness of a friendship that had possibly faded from distance, time (and maaaaybe the awkwardness of a failed relationship with her brother), could be ignored for the sake of checking in. It was the right thing to do and the perfect excuse to break whatever ice might have grown between them. So, the witch took a day from tending the sick of the south side and found herself clicking down the wharf toward the Tranquility. She wore a long coat the color of fresh peaches, because despite the season Cenril was still plagued with howling and bitterly cold wind, and a hand sewn mask that matched. Her hair was pinned back from her face and twisted into a messy, sea breeze tossed bun high on the back of her head. Though she anticipated a peaceful, and hopefully happy, visit Valrae still carried the emerald skull in the oversized leather bag at her side. It hummed quietly as she walked, and the witch wished, not for the first time, that her own personal pocket coven could have been just a little smaller. It would make keeping it on her easier at least. Distracted with the idea of somehow turning it into something small enough for a necklace, or even a pair of earrings, Val didn’t notice the man walking ahead of her onto the gangplank until she was nearly close enough to reach out and touch him. “Oh, excuse me!” She calls, “You wouldn’t happen to know if Khitti was in, would you?”

Khitti had been so wrapped up in his own head that he hadn’t noticed Val either until it was too late. And when he did, thanks to her question, he froze in place somewhere near the top of the gangplank and slowly turned to look down at her with big olive-green eyes. “I uh--” He wiped what was mostly dried blood from his upper lip from his upper lip as he struggled to form words. Eventually, after stuttering a bit more and failing to come up with anything, he let out a heavy sigh. “-I’m- Khitti,” he said at length and then finished the rest of the trek to the ship’s top deck (which really wasn’t much of a trek at all). “I. Um.” There’s another sigh. “It’s a long story.” There’s a moment’s hesitation, but he motioned with his head as if to say ‘come on’ and headed down into the belly of the ship, attempting to lead her to somewhere less cold and more private. Strange as the situation might be, if this guy was lying, it didn’t seem like he was at all. The weariness that Khitti had had during that meeting had returned, as well as that pensive frown. If she followed, Val would be led to one of Khitti’s favorite rooms on the ship--the library. It was spacious--too spacious for a ship of this size--and it was rather obvious that some sort of bigger-on-the-inside magic was being used. On both the east and west sides of the room lay two enormous bookshelves, and on the back wall a full length window that allowed for one to see not only what was above the ocean’s surface, but below it as well. In the middle of it all lay a few tables for research nearest to the bookshelves and a reading area that held a couch, two armchairs, and a coffee table somewhat in the center of the room. “You’re the first that’s seen me like this. Beyond the people that work at my shop and on this ship anyway,” he said, taking a seat in one of the armchairs and carefully unwrapping his bandaged hands.

Valrae had blinked in surprise, thinking she’d taken a ship hand off guard as he stammered, and her brows furrowed with concern for the blood that was quickly wiped from his lip. When Khitti finally revealed her, er himself, the witch was lucky she was wearing a mask for how quickly her mouth dropped open. Her already large emerald eyes widened, “Oh!” She chirps awkwardly, until her mind catches up with her eyes, which now note the stunning resemblance this man shared with the Khitti she knew, and her face settles again. Of course! Khitti was in a disguise! Hadn’t Valrae used a million herself when she was still hiding from Larket? Assuming Khitti had used some kind of magic on her own, Val nods in understanding. “Sure, I can’t wait to hear it!” The witch says as she follows him down to the library. When they enter the breathtaking room Val’s mouth drops open for a second time. “Oh, Khitti!” She sighs wistfully, resisting the urge to explore the stacks as she tucks the mask away in her bag. “This room is amazing.” The blonde sets aside her bag and crosses her legs as she takes a seat on the couch. “My apartment barely holds enough room for one shelf! I’m jealous.” Laughing, she folds her hands over her knee and lets Khitti steer the conversation to his appearance. “Oh, I won't tell anyone. I know how it can be needing a disguise and all.” The witch watches as he unwraps his hands, her lips pursing as she resists the urge to ask what she might have been fighting for.

Khitti smirked faintly at Val’s obvious love for the room. “It’s definitely one of my favorite places. It’s quiet and the window’s the best part.” He let one of the bandages drop onto the table and just shrugged, “I don’t know if it matters, to be honest, if you tell anyone or not. I like being able to hide in this form. I can sure as hell mask things a hell of a lot better like this than I had back at the meeting.” Yes, he had noticed Val noticing how off he’d been that day. “I’m assuming that’s why you’re here…” The remaining bandage was folded somewhat so that the “clean” side of it was facing up, so he could spit somewhat into it and use it to wipe off the blood from his face. When it was gone, that same pearlescent magic Val had seen at the bakery was summoned up now and pressed to each of the spots on his face that needed healing, leaving behind a bit of the light magic that soon faded after the injuries had been healed. A bit of air was sucked between his teeth as the hand then moved to his ribs that ached and screamed at him for getting into a fight again, the adrenaline now gone. There was a faint glow beneath his button up shirt, but that too didn’t last long as the ribs’ bruises were gotten rid of. He sighed and finally looked to her again, crimson brows furrowed somewhat. “I… don’t even know where to start to explain things, if that’s what you’re looking for. I know I wasn’t really me that day and I hate that I showed so much. I was just really worried about Brand.”

Valrae replied, “They really are amazing,” To Khitti’s comment on the windows. “It would be my favorite room too.” She watches as he removes the bandages and then uses them to clean the blood, careful not to grimace girlishly at the spit. The witch laughs when Khitti cuts right to the heart of the matter, the straightforwardness refreshing. “I’d grown really fond of Grace too,” She comments, a hand brushing her own cheek in thought. “Something about being able to start over, be someone or something else without the baggage of whatever past your own face and name carries…” She gave a thoughtful pause as Khitti used his magic to heal the cuts and bruises. “I understand, anyway.” Her hand drops. “That is one reason I came. You didn’t seem yourself.” Concern flashed in the depths of her dark eyes. “You don’t owe me an explanation or anything,” Val leans forward a bit, resting her arm on her knee. “I just thought… Well, I don’t know what I thought. We’ve been friends. I know there is time and other things between us but I still wanted to reach out. We’re both adults here, we have lives and families and lord knows the weight of whatever world ending problem falls at our feet but…” The witch chews on the bottom of her lip for a moment and shrugs. “It’s nice to have a friend. If you want to talk, I want to listen.” She leans back again, her brow furrowing at the mention of Khitti’s worry for Brand. “I hope he’s alright?”

Khitti nodded along to all the reasons why Val had loved her other persona, offering her a faint smile. “Yeah, that’s pretty much it.” Now that he was able to move without the pain, he sunk down into the chair a bit, eyeing the ceiling as Valrae spoke. It wasn’t in a ‘I don’t care about the things you’re saying’ sort of way, however. It was more that Khitti was thinking about what he should say. The whole not being able to talk to anyone about any of this had been killing him. Brand had seemed to take things so well, but the struggle was real with Khitti and hadn’t really faded much despite the few talks the Catalian and the redhead had had. “I think… I do need to talk about it. I didn’t know -who- to actually ask to speak to, to be honest. It’s more than just Brand though, I guess. And Brand is alright now.” He rubbed at his eyes for a moment, then finally looked back at the witch. “Back in Catal, Brand did a lot of bad things. I’ve never cared and I still don’t. I’m definitely not a saint either. Several months ago, the Warrior’s Guild had to go save Lionel’s arse from this place south of Rynvale called the Demon Archipelago. It’s not a pleasant place. Turns out, it’s full of souls. It attracts them there like a magnet. Somehow, the soul of someone Brand had killed had found herself there and latched onto Brand while we were still there. She possessed Brand’s body, forced him away somewhere inside, and took Brand’s body for herself. She brainwashed me into thinking that I was in love with her for a while and ra--.” He still couldn’t say it. Khitti sighed again and shook his head. “She took advantage of me. Eventually she got bored with it. Turned me into this and turned Brand into a woman. All to frak with Brand. We were under the impression that we’d been that way for years. She manipulated Brand into thinking Brand was pregnant. It was really just this person incubating her magic in Brand to create a new body for her since she’d been dead for about two decades.” Khitti shook his head and laughed a little, crimson brows knitted together. “It all sounds insane. That’s why I’ve been keeping it to myself. When the magic was ready, it killed Brand. I thought maybe I’d been the one to bring her back--her as in Brand, that is. I begged Vakmatharas for it. Told him I’d get as many souls as I could, but I don’t think he listened… I don’t think any of them listen to me.” Tears started to well up in Khitti’s eyes. “She came back, but… Brand thinks it was Selene that saved her. Between all that mindfrakkery and realizing that the gods I work for don’t listen to me at all, I just… It’s been a lot.”

Valrae waited, watching Khitti looking toward the ceiling while sensing that he was likely looking somewhere beyond it. And she listened carefully. There were times she wanted to interrupt, ask questions or make a small comment, but she was quiet and clenched her teeth. She knew, because there had been plenty of times and there would likely be more in her own personal experience, that sometimes you just needed to get it all out. Lay all the pieces down and look at the whole picture before you picked it apart or decided to leave it there. So she waited, eyes bright and sometimes filled with the instinctual reaction of anger to hear that a spirit had been meddling so severely in Khitti’s life. Brand had been killed?! The witch had made a shocked and strangled noise then, hiding her deep frown from behind a hand for a moment. When Khitti finally went on to say he’d been returned, her shoulders relaxed again. When the tears pooled in his eyes, Val fought the urge to cross the room and take his hand, knowing the move would do more to comfort herself than it would him. So instead she recrossed her hands and shook her head. “It’s a wonder you were able to host the guild at all,” She finally says into the small, heavy silence that had bloomed between them. “Khitti I-” What could she say? “I’m sorry.” The witch laughed then but it was devoid of real humor. “If I’d have known I would have… Well, what good does that do?” She shakes her head again. “I’m grateful Brand is alive, that you’re alive.” Val lets the quiet bloom again, giving them both a moment to sit with it. “Tell me, did you kill the bit-” A heavy sound above deck cuts off this particular word. “That did this?” Her eyes were bright with anger again.

Khitti || “I… don’t think I can kill her. Viera is an extremely powerful priestess of Cire. He helped her do this… but also he punished her for it too. She wasn’t supposed to interfere with me. Just Brand. She hadn’t anticipated Brand actually having a family though. But, beyond that… I think I might be past killing her. The feelings I had for her, they’re still here, just like the rest of the memories she forced onto Brand and I. I don’t know if they’re even actually real or not. And what’s worse is that we -need- her. Brand hasn’t been able to shapeshift back. She’s still the way Viera had put her two months ago. When she tries to, she looks like she’s phasing in and out of existence and it puts her through so much pain. So, we have to go find Viera to teach Brand how to do it. I guess there was a small sect of shapeshifters and illusionists that Brand had worked with in Catal. Some of these shapeshifters… they could shift once and then not be able to afterward and it took so much out of them, that they eventually died from it. It was almost like some sort of trial, I guess. If they couldn’t complete the ritual, so to speak, be it because of mental or physical means, then they died. As I’m sure you can imagine, I’d much rather Brand stay the way she is now, than die again. I don’t think I can deal with that again. I don’t think I’ll ever be ‘me’ again if that happened,” Khitti said, pondering over how he might be if Brand had truly passed, well before it was the Catalian’s time. “Brand just seems like she’s mostly taking everything in stride and I can barely function most days, even with a bit of alcohol in me. I tried talking to her about it all a few times, but there’s only so much I can say. Only so much -she- can say. And I just haven’t felt any better. If I’m being shown signs that things are going to be okay, I don’t see them. They don’t talk to me like Selene does Brand. Or Vakmatharas does with Gevurah. I don’t know which way is up or down or what I should be doing, if anything at all.” He sniffled a bit and wiped at his eyes. “And I can’t stop frakking crying, even in this damned form.”

Valrae listened again and tried to comprehend and file away all the information given to her. She thought Khitti might need a sympathetic ear more than someone jumping in to offer advice or solutions, especially considering the witch had precious little knowledge of the situation, so Val settled into a supportive roll and nodded again. She’d known few shapeshifters in her life, fewer still if you weren’t counting Lycan’s like Hudson or Meri, and so hearing that one might become stuck in another form and eventually die from this had her eyes widening in concern. She’d known other witches, usually ones less worldly than she and more intune with the wilds, that could sometimes borrow the forms of familiars. The closest she’d ever come was borrowing the form of a white mouse to rescue Odhranos and that had taken her entire coven and the magic of the emerald skull to do it. She couldn’t imagine having the innate power for this inside of her, waiting to flow out with the potential to destroy itself. And how horrifying that might be. Valrae nods again, frowning as she considered. “No, I can’t imagine taking a risk like that would be appealing for either of you.” As the tears that Khitti had been holding back finally flowed, the witch could no longer stand the distance and finally she crossed it. She didn’t reach out to touch him, or cross any personal boundaries, but she perched on the coffee table to be near and offered an understanding smile. “Not to sound cliche, but I think everyone handles things in their own stride. Brand might be handling this like a champ but it’s not a failing that you’re struggling with it, you must know that, Khitti.” Valrae pauses. “I think, if I were in your shoes, I would be lucky to get out of bed at all. Never mind endless crying, I would be useless. Totally wasted. You’ve still managed so much! And you’ve been hosting a fractured guild and goddess knows what else on top of it? That’s something to be proud of. I know I came here to listen, and I’m sure you don’t need a cheerleader, but I do mean it all the same.”

Khitti mustered a faint smile for Valrae, “Heh, thanks.” After a moment of silence, he shook his head. “Dealing with the guilds is the only thing that’s kept me going, honestly. It’s something constant--something that hasn’t been changed by all of this--that I can latch onto. Even with all the chaos that’s going on in the Mage’s Guild. It keeps me busy, usually. I’m glad I can be of any help at all with this stuff with the Order, even though I’m still sort of on the outskirts of it all. It helps me remember that not -every- aspect of my life is falling apart,” he said with a smirk. “I do appreciate you coming to check on me. And for listening to me. I do feel a little better now. I feel… validated?” He wrung his hands together a little and sighed. “I’ve cut people off because of this--not that I really let too many people in like this to begin with. Because it’s too… complicated. It’s too much of a mess to explain to people that haven’t had weird things like this happen to them at all. I probably wouldn’t have told you otherwise, if I hadn’t already known about the things you’ve been through.” Khitti eyed his hands, flexing his fingers somewhat. They’d grown a little stiff thanks to the brawling he’d gotten into at the bar. “It’s not all bad, I guess. It helped me figure out that I like girls, heh. And I’m mostly comfortable in this body. And Brand… Brand is different now too. Since we “lived” that life together that Viera had created for us and she was made to live in her feminine form, she’s really grown as a person. She’s not really as rough around the edges anymore. She understands the things I’ve felt. Like wanting to be human again so I could have a family with her, because she sort of lived it too, even if it wasn’t a real pregnancy. Things had gotten better after I died years ago and came back, but she was still the same old Brand who got metaphorical hives from being too romantic about stuff. It’s weird, to be around her now, but it’s not a bad weird.”

Valrae returned the smile with a bright one of her own. “I know what you mean, actually…” Because it seemed the heaviest of the conversation had passed, the witch returned to her place on the couch. “I feel that way too. There is so much going on outside-” She waves her hand, gesturing vaguely to mean Cenril and beyond. “That even though the guild is fractured and displaced for now, it feels like this tiny spot of… Controlled chaos. Somewhere I know where I stand and I’m more sure of the next right step. When Cenril was falling apart the most, we pulled off bringing Odh back and I know that was a win I needed. I think we’re alike in the way that doing the next thing, fixing the next problem helps us move on with whatever else we have to juggle. Even at home.” Val gives him another small smile. “And I’m always happy to validate. I mean that. It was good to talk to you again, even if the circumstances aren’t what either of us hoped they would be.” Her smile fades a little, her eyes knowing when he mentions that Val might understand the difficulties he currently faced. It was true enough, her own adjustment to what was essentially a stranger’s body had been difficult. Even now, with the help of magic and make up, she still sometimes struggled with looking into someone else’s face when she looked into a mirror. “Aye, I understand in my own way. And if I didn’t I’d have listened all the same.” Her smile returns at the mention of enjoying women, as Val shared this, and she laughed. “Well, learning a new part of yourself is never a bad thing, is it? I’m glad you’re both able to find something good in all this. I think you’re handling it much better than you’ve been giving yourself credit for.” Because she’d taken up enough of Khitti’s time, Valrae began to gather her things. When she’d shrugged back into her coat and put the bag back on her shoulder, the witch smiled again. “Thank you, Khitti, for letting me listen.” She hands him a small slip of paper, her apartment address listed in neat, looping handwriting. “If you need to talk again, or you need help with anything, you know where to find me. I’m not hiding from Larket, or anyone for that matter, anymore. And if you need help with anything else… I’m here for that too.”

Khitti watched Val as she spoke, taking in all the different ways that the woman showed she cared, whether it be her tone of voice or her smile or the way she held herself despite the conversation they’d had. The witch didn’t judge Khitti and Khitti could tell that it was genuine and he was eternally grateful. He nodded or shook his head here and there where needed, just letting her talk for a moment or two while he thought over all that had been said. When she got ready to leave, he stood too and watched her gather her things. “Likewise, Val.” He considered asking her thoughts about what he should do regarding the gods and all that jazz, but… it was another conversation for another time--if he hadn’t figured it out by then, that is. “If you need me, you know how to find me. I haven’t really left Cenril all that much lately, beyond going to the Warrior’s Guild or Necromancer’s Guilds headquarters.” He shrugged at it, as if it say ‘it is what it is’. He’d get out more again at some point. But, for now, he needed to focus on himself and the issues at hand.