RP:Zondo in Tavernland
In The Hanging Corpse Tavern, Vailkrin
This once-timber tavern has been rebuilt in sturdily vitrified blackstone and imbued with powerful protective magics that prevent occult fire and several other potentially harmful spells being cast within its walls. No effort has been spared to make what might otherwise be a bleak interior comfortable. The bar is made of polished stone with an oaken inlay, the space behind filled with a bustle of attractive barmaids, sundry barrels and a dazzling array of coloured bottles that glint in the light cast by a large wrought-iron candelabrum suspended from the ceiling overhead. Here, the one-eyed Steadman stands, ready to take orders for food or drink. Beyond the bar, stout tables are firmly bolted to the floor, though the high-backed chairs are freestanding. The hearth is a true feature, seeming to be cast from black lava into the shape of a colossal, laughing goblin's head, its maw gaping wide and deep, usually containing a merrily crackling fire. A delicious scent of roasting meats drifts in from the kitchens and a winding staircase leads to rooms upstairs. To the south are set cellar doors, usually kept locked unless a special event is taking place. The walls are hung with thick, richly woven tapestries depicting persons and events in the history of Vailkrin and the Vampiric race. There's also a notice-board near the entrance, where one may leave messages. Unobtrusive but ever-present are the security staff, staunch fighters ever ready to toss troublemakers out.
Zondo ask to be told a story
Uchawiman wandered back into the tavern with a small army of paper redhales whistling a marching song while he half-danced onwards with stunner shades. What are stunner shades? I don't know. No one knows. Escpecially not in hollow. So I guess he doesn't have them? Why'd I mention them. For dramatic effect. Yeah. That right.
Zondo eyes the man who is voodoo with the army of paper Redhales. He wondering if the real Redhale can cadence as well as the dolls. "Hey voodoo man. Do you take requests?" Hopefully the creature thing ex frog wannabe human thing did indeed take requests, the elder really could use some amusement this hour. Seem the corpse was the only thing lively within the corpse tonight.
Uchawiman stops and spins on the spot and smacks the paper clone in the head. Oh that right. Uh. The paper redhales stack togather and beocme a colourless paper version of the voodoo-mans normal frog-form. So the human-version hit's it like a golfball with a FONK sound. You know, the when you shoot a ball in a grenade launcher? Too specific? live with it. Anyway. Paper ucha bounces back like a beat-me clown and explodes in smoke. And then... it's got colour. That's right. Speed painting. "Wotcha offerin? Der be nothin' Mi cannot provide in uno form or anotha."
Zondo is almost stunned by the random display between the human and then as the paper take frog form the vampire instantly realizes who it is that he was reminded of. The frog who threw stuffed animals at him and a rather vicious slipper. Oh this could be an interesting time indeed. "Well I got some gold and I am rather bored. I would just like a story of some sorts that would bring some amusement within my time here before I change over watch of the bar to Steadman." Looking back to his plate the vampire picks up the slab of uncooked venison steak and bites into it. Sharp fangs rip through the tough meat like a knife through hot butter. Ripping his head to the side the steak rips as what once was muscle, flesh and tendons shreds in a piece is taken from it by the vampire's mouth. The display really leaves juices to flow down the man's chin but he did not care too much as he nonchalantly wipes the back of his hand across his lips and chin.
Uchawiman grinned widely and tapped the paper-frog on the shoulder. It put on the face of a whale that just had it's brain taken out for dry cleaning before the voodooman let out a loud ”Ahem!”. Cliché, but effective. So! The paper frog splits into strips of paper that fly out and start enveloping the tavern walls like some sort of theater screen. ”Once 'pon a time dere was...” oh and while the ”frog” talks the paper paints itself in crayon colors. I mean sure. It's about as well made as a 5 year olds birthday present to their parents but hey. You try to do that! ”A girl called Ali-” a paper hand reached and slapped the copy-right infringing idiot. ”Ahem! Mi mean, Elisse. Jah.”
Zondo more curiously watching the paper's random antics. Maybe one day he could learn some awesome voodoo magic but that did not seem likely. And then the man starts to talk and the story begins. The vampire instantly finds himself wondering why all stories start with 'once upon a time' but having faith in the voodoo man he keeps listening.
Uchawiman slowly turned around with his arms spread like all those princesses in disney movies, like he's showing off the crayon scenery. Man.. this is becoming more and more like a certain adventure inside a pop-up book. Only the scenery is less... real. It's getting there though! Slowly and slowly becoming more and more... real...ish. Which is kinda freaky, you know? So anyway! “Yu know dem wonders yu ponder wen yu wonder about da tings yu don't no? Well dere is a place were all those wonders go.” he stopped, grinned like the devil at poor zondo and knocked his cane on the floor uh... I mean... wait. Yeah. Floor. Getting ahead of myself here. The stripes of paper go all mummy-bandage storm again and Ucha walks over to and past Zondo. “Once a girl went there, yu no? Oh ja, is tru. An yu see... dat girl... is yu.” and the paper wrapped around Zondo and POOF! He was dressed up as... oh come on. You've figured who he'll be dessed as by now. “So! Wondering where da wonders go, she followed the bunny! On wit da show!” yells the host and points onwards with his fancy walking cane!
Zondo blinks obscenely and awkwardly with having only one eye and all as the tavern seems to fade away and scenery takes its hold within the establishment making the place seem like some place in Kelay forest somewhere cept it was strange and twisted and trees were unlike the trees there. There were none of the same sounds either. So like Kelay but unlike Kelay all at once. The vampire instantly wonders what he got himself into or if he accidently drank something to make him see things. There is probably some of that behind the bar somewhere... Then again he did ask a voodoo man for a story, probably should have known better but too late now. Then the paper attacks, seeming to strip him of his clothes and leave him wearing... a dress? Well this is not like Zondo at all, he was already too lost in the story to care... too much. Not that he could, his scimitars seemed to vanish under the dress. Cursing silently to himself he watches the man, instantly feeling uncomfortable in the new garment. It is a wonder females ever wear such clothing. Well then one might suppose that he had no choice but to go along with the man's story. Before he finds the voodoo man doing something worse to him. Damn the voodoo magic.
Uchawiman ...stood there pointing in silence as if frozen in time. Which he might be. You never know. I mean... he entered a pop-up book once. And now he turned a room into a fake forest. Whats to say he can't accidentally freeze hi- “....naa much story if yu naa do anythin', maan...” OH YOU LITTLE LIAR!
Zondo tilts his head to the side as he watches the now frozen in time frogman. This seems to be getting stranger by the moment, there was uchawiman, frozen in time saying things that might not even be related to the story... What was this guy getting at here?
You know what? To heck with the bunny. It's taking forever to get here. The floor opens up into a hole and both the frog and Zondo fall into it with all the trees and books and cookies. Yes cookies. Roll with it here. Atleast i'm trying. There. Bunny skipped. Furry little basterds anyway. So there. “Ah! Mithinks de bunny be skipped. Ja?” said the frog, falling slowly since to his epic cane doubles as a Mary Poppins umbrella.
Zondo is now falling down a hole. What did he care he just hoped the landing was soft otherwise he would be angry. Oh wait, he is a vampire in a dress and it would seem it catch the wind as to slow his decent as it flairs out. Well that part was taken care of, the vampire just hope that the voodoo frog remembered to install some undergarment otherwise he would be a no so female in a dress. Although being near six feet tall and a rather toned build already took away from the feminimity of the whole process. Some how the vampire thinks that with himself flapping around wouldn't help. Either way he landed upon the ground rather smoothly... Well as smooth as could be with such things, his knees buckled and made him stagger slightly. He caught himself from falling, no worries. "So I skipped the bunny and fell in a hole. Oh great now instead of curious I am a klutz?" Shaking his head slightly, "Now what story teller?"
Uchawiman landed on the water all softly and stuff. Like those animated superheroes at just sorta tap down somehow. He folded his cane back together and shook it like there'd been rain. “How yu doin' dat, maan? Elisse naa standin' on water...” said the frog, looking at Zondo imitating jesus while flipping trough the pages of his script guide. Gosh darn it. At least keep track of your own story! Not like I screwed it up by skippin ahead of a major plot device or anything. Not at all. Ehehe... so uh.. how come Zondo stands on water instead of hanging onto one of those tables and chair floating around in the fake ocean? Gee. At least try for some realism, dude. Just because there's no crowd doesn't mean you shouldn't put any effort into the acting! Right!?
Zondo blinks a couple times, wondering how he is standing on water himself. Just for insurance measures he takes a step onto one of the tables randomly floating about. Okay so he didn't know the story and the vampire mumbles something about the voodoo man just forgetting to add the splash to the water and that is how he pulled such an awesome stunt. Anyways on with the story...
Allright! Let's get some drama up in here! This ain't no seventh grade screenplay! Storm! And so the sea went all storm-y! With the waves and the lightning and hurricane and stuff. “So Elisse naa care pon da rabbit! She better up takin' swim to da place were wonders go. An so she crosses da sea of worries to da shore 'o doubt!” ….aaand silence. Oh yeah... uh.. I don't think our main character knows where that is... “Eh... dat way.” Says the frog and points. ...eheh.
Zondo considers the strange position he is currently in when all of a sudden the table top begins to rise and flow with the sea. The storm kicks in, the wind lashing around the dress that is worn making it whip uncomfortably about his legs. Holding on to the door, somehow he can hear Uchawiman over the crash of waves and thunder and the boom of the winds. Seeing him point and knowing that he should probably follow the story, the vampire jumps into the water and begins swimming 'dat way' to hopefully the shores of doubt.
Uchawiman skips along with the swimming Zondo crossing the storming sea without any hesitation. Which is manly. This Elisse is frickin' GAR! Until s/he swims into the wall. Donk! And the water flushes away from the tavern room with the sound of a washing bowl being emptied. Swirl~! “But there be naa doubt in Elisses heart! Back then da girls naa silly an' obsessive like now yu see. They be simple and hardy as heart can be.” recites the frog from the script while the tavern room folds itself away into a fake beach instead. Only there's a door in the middle of it. A really small one, too. Oh wait. Does this seem familiar?
Zondo was swimming along with earnest. He didn't mind swimming too much, he had done it a time or two. There he was swimming along and out of nowhere like a some divine being just decided to ruin the rather intense swim with a wall it was there. The wall was hit, his eye drooped and then... a beach? Well guess he made it the beach, now to figure out what the big deal is about the door in the middle. Standing awkwardly for a moment as anyone would who just smacked into a wall he stumbles over to the door to get a closer look.
Uchawiman flipped pages in the script for a while before he found the right page. ...This is sort of flipping of the intended path of just a general storytelling, huh? Then again, what'd you expect from the frog, huh? I mean geez. Don't get all naive on me people. So anyway. The door is small. And blue. It's about knee-high.... not the chest high wall thank ye gods. Enough with the references! Hit it, story teller! Before I embarrass us further! “She came to a door naa never luuk pon before. A door from strange tings galore. Yu may tink der be noting strange wit a door, but yu naa no, dey naa use door back then! ….” he looked up from the script. Made a PRRFTT sound like that little girl at the mean clown and threw the darn thing away. “Issa door, ja? Elisse naa see it before. So she found a way to open it in time ta go crazy. Mi tinks it'd be better if she did before.”
Zondo blinks at the little knee high door realizing the dilemma as the frog said it. The door was small, impossibly so, how could he even upon such a thing. Maybe if he laid down upon the stomach, a closer look may be had. It would appear there is a knob upon the door but to try and grab and turn it is difficult to the point where a pair of tweezers may need to be had. Looking at the storyteller again the one-eyed Elisse impersonator blinks. "Am I supposed to get smaller, here?"
Uchawiman sat on the sand with the face of a patient parent. No one's really putting much effort into this, huh? "Mi tinks? mi threw away da script. Yu could make da door bigger, too, maan. Form naa matter."
Zondo ponders his next move for but a few moments longer. Relying on his imagination and hopefully the frog's voodoo magic about the room. "Well smaller it is." The question was how, maybe if he thought he was getting smaller he would be so. It may just work and so that is what he does. Thinks he gets smaller, hopefully tricking his mind to get smaller within the voodoo enchanted environment.
Wha- hey! What mind games! Now there's cheating if I ever saw it! Shrinking by thinking you are!? What the heck! And I thought the frog was nuts. Oh okay he is nuts. But at least the reasons why and such is tangible! I mean... he actually causes crazy stuff to happen! He doesn't just think it! But... uh... I guess Zondo is small now? Darnit.... I don't get paid enough for this.
Zondo finally found a solution to the dilemma and now he may possibly be as crazy as the frog is. Then again he is going along with all of these shinanagins. So he must have some screw loose, somewhere. And now he is smaller and the door is normal sized to the small smaller stature. Quickly he opens it and steps through almost eager to figure out what he finds.