RP:What Type of Father Are You?

Summary: Using a magazine quiz as a guide, Josleen quizzes Macon on what type of father he will be. Macon very wisely chooses the right answers that his wife wants to hear.

Private Balcony, Fort Freedom

Josleen and Macon enjoy some downtime on a sunny, hot say on their expansive balcony overlooking the Hard City to the west and the Sage Forest to the south. They lie side by side on a cushioned patio recliner fit for two. A massive umbrella shields Josleen from the sun’s aging effects, but can be positioned for Macon to sunbathe or not as he pleases. Gigi has already exhausted himself by jumping in and out of his tiny dog pool and biting the water viciously, and now rests in the fouled water at Macon’s side, his snout resting on the pool’s edge. Wearing a thin and short pink kimono that provides ample side-boob views, Josleen reads the latest issue of Well-heeled, a magazine for ultra rich parents, published and hand-illustrated in Vhys and expensive for it. Her arm closest to Macon is bent up at the elbow, hand falling back limply at the wrist towards him where her knuckles gently graze his chest. She giggles at something in the magazine, and Macon can likely guess what it is. Each issue has a kids-say-and-do-the-darndest-things column of which Josleen selects the best stories and excitedly repeats them to Macon, her eyes sparkling as she fantasizes about what their child will be like, what strange and funny things he or she will day and do. Here’s the problem: the column isn’t that funny. “Listen to this one,” she says, “One night after dinner, my 5-year-old ran past and let out a huge fart that stopped him in his tracks. He turned to us and said, ‘Sorry, that was my butt saying thanks for the food!’” Josleen laughs and looks at Macon expectantly like he should be laughing too. She’s always trying to get Macon to join in the fantasy with her, to say what he hopes for, what his views are on parenting, etc. She’s bought him two what-to-expect-when-you’re-expecting type books for fathers. It’s a good thing she hasn’t read them herself as deep in one of the chapters in the more frank book, it gets real and levels with fathers: when it comes to the baby, your wife will go crazy, there will be no room for rational thought, nothing will be too expensive or too much work or too fussy, and you must choose your battles carefully. That chapter is written in the war-weary tone Macon likely associates with autobiographies of war commanders. Josleen flips the page and comes across a new feature, a ‘What Type of Father Are You?’ quiz. “Oh, look at this.” She sits up, kimono sliding to the side for maximum side boob view with a game of is-that-a-shadow-or-areola? She turns the page towards him. “This is fun. Want to take it?”

Macon has a shirt on. Wait, no he doesn't, his chest is just exceptionally hairy. His sun protection factor is coarse and thick. As such, he is half in the shade of Josleen’s giant parasol and half out of it. He spends his time while not being told stories about kids farting equally split between having his eyes closed, squinting out to look over the hard city, and very overtly staring at Josleen and the much appreciated side-boob. His hand on the opposite side from Josleen hangs over the edge of the recliner for Gigi to stick their head under for scratches behind the ears when desired. Lately, Gigi has not been able to keep up with the king during their daily ‘after training session’ runs. For the dog they have even become less than daily with some unexcused absences on the record. If such a trend continues, the animal’s obvious weight gain could snowball out of control. (So much sausage). The Rage Knight shakes his head towards his wife, “Tha’ one isn’ good.” honestly offering his unclouded view on the bad story. He hasn't gotten to that warning chapter in the baby books, though even when he does, who knows how much of the advice he will take to heart. Josleen flashes him(.) the quiz and he raises a brow, only half aware of what he is agreeing to, “Wha is it? Alrigh’.” Answering without waiting for her response.

“Oh, it’s funny,” Josleen says in the tone of ‘ah, come on, it’s fine.’ “Ok, first question.” She sits up straighter and crosses her legs, magazine open in her lap. “If you had a motto it would be: A. Treat others the way you wish to be treated. B. Be yourself. C. Knowledge is power D. Get rich or die trying.” Gigi, sensing that Josleen stirs, hopes that this means food is incoming. He gets up and shakes his fur dry, spraying Macon in the process, and circles the recliner to sit by Josleen and suss out whether or not food is coming. Maybe. He is vigilant.

Macon sits up a bit as well, growling and eying Gigi after he is sprayed with wet dog water. The target of the growl ignores it, focused solely on potential food that does not exist. While trying to lean forward and read the magazine on Josleen’s lap upside down to spy the ‘correct’ answers, he chooses the most awkwardly worded of the four choices. ‘Be, be yourself.”

Josleen smiles at the response, then notices Macon is trying to cheat. “Hey!” She lifts the magazine towards her chest to hide the quiz and results. “No cheating. You have to answer this honestly to get an accurate result.” She now awkwardly holds the magazine vertical and near her chest so that Macon can no longer cheat. “Your daughter is crying, and it’s 2am. You’ve woken up, but your wife hasn’t. Do you… A. Hold your daughter close, because she sleeps in your bed as an infant, and put her back to sleep. B. Get up, go to her crib and rock her back to sleep. C. Ignore the crying, it’ll make her stronger to learn how to put herself to sleep. D. Wake up your wife and tell her the baby is crying.” Josleen meets Macon’s gaze, eyes expectant, she wants him to take the quiz seriously.

Macon growls low and leans back when he is reprimanded for trying to ‘cheat’. He turns his head away from that expectant stare and looks out over the city again while Josleen delivers the second question. This quiz is clearly not made for royalty, he believes, thanks to this second question, which he does not select one of the choices for just yet, “Where are the servants while this is ‘appening?” He is perhaps buying time with this counter question to gleam what the ‘correct’ answer is, as The Queen appears to want very much for him to do well on this questionnaire.

Josleen purses her lips at Macon’s knee-jerk response. “Darling, it’s a hypothetical. Answer whatever is closest to what you would do. Besides, yes, we have servants, but we should be more involved in rearing our own child, don't you think?” Based on her tone, she clearly does. Realizing he’s playing her a bit to get at the ‘right’ answers, she insists, “So which one?”

Macon nods and meets Josleen’s stare again, “Of course.” He agrees with the fact that they should be involved in raising this hypothetical 2am daughter at whatever time and sex the actual baby is. “Alrigh’... The crib one.” He answers abruptly, having used that bought time to combine himself of the best answer. Still, he is curious of a few things. How was he himself treated when crying in the middle of the night as a baby? That should perhaps be replicated to give this kid the best chance of becoming Macon 2.0, great king/queen. Also, “Wha’ would you answer t’tha’ one?”

Josleen smiles at the answer. Well done, sneaky Macon. “A or B. I think I want the baby to sleep with us for the first few months. They say it’s good for bonding.” While her answer is very rational and appeals to the authority of ‘they say,’ it’s evident in her behavior of recent weeks that she wants the baby to sleep with them simply because she wants the baby close at all times and is already obsessed. “Ok next question. Your daughter is three and she bit a woman at a restaurant. The woman yells at her and slaps her wrist. Do you… A. Yell at the woman and chase her off. No one talks to my child like that! B. Join in and yell at her too, biting is unacceptable C. Ask the woman to leave and explain to your daughter why biting is unacceptable, using facts. D. Let her mother handle the woman and lecture the child.”

Macon goes through a short roller coaster ride of reactions to this latest question. Initially he is amused by the scenario of his daughter biting someone. This would be a better story than the farting kid, he's sure of it. Then, upon hearing that this fictional bite victim hit his child, he sneers slightly and the Rage Aura spikes in the most mild severity possible while still being perceptible. Had he been any closer to the previous procedure with ‘the machine’ surely this would not have happened, but he is not, and it does. “A.” Macon growls out the single letter, while it is painfully clear that the consequences for laying a hand on the incoming prince or princess will be much more severe than a yell or growl from the king.

Josleen picks up on the rage spike and is pleased by it. She would pick A too. Also, maybe a stint in the public stockades for that woman so that people can throw things at her. “Good.” She grins and makes eyes at him over the top of the magazine a bit lustily. “Your son is seven and fell off a wall he was climbing at the park and scraped his knee. He's crying. Do you… A. Hug him and tell him it'll be alright. B. Tell him to suck it up, he's fine. C. Carefully go over what happened and draw a lesson from the incident. D. I don't have time to take my child to the park, but when my wife tells me I will pat his head.”

Macon is noticing a pattern with the multiple choice answers and will be seriously second guessing himself should his knee jerk reaction be to answer ‘D.’ going forward, as thus far the fourth answers appear to be the absolute wrong ones. He makes eyes right back at the Queen and motions for her to come closer, into the dreaded sun, for the remainder of this quiz. He spends more time thinking about this next question then he has with most of the others. While the actual answer is probably somewhere closer to A, if he were actually put in that situation, The Rage Knight either lies to himself, Josleen, or both of them when he eventually gives the harsh answer of ‘B’. A Hard Prince for The Hard City.

Josleen slides closer to Macon as he ponders the answer, and presses the quiz closer and closer to her chest as she does so. “You just want me over here to cheat,” she teases. Her legs intertwine with his as she lies sidelong within reach of his arm, facing him. “Hm,” she says in response to his answer. She isn’t sure how she feels about it, but it wasn’t unexpected. The kid will be fine, it’s true, and some toughness has suited Macon well in his own life. The context matters, how much the child is crying matters, and Macon’s tone in that hypothetical matters, and so Josleen isn’t particularly concerned. It’s just one question, anyway, and she’s finally getting what she wanted all along: for Macon to engage in talking about how they’d rear their child. “Alright, back to daughters. Your daughter is ten, and her teacher calls you and your wife in for a meeting about her behavior. She’s bullying the other children. Do you… A. Insist the teacher is reading it wrong, your daughter would never. B. Go home and scold your daughter for her behavior, punish her so she learns a lesson. C. Go home and discuss with your daughter her behavior and find a solution, together. D. Let her mother do the talking and determine what next steps should be.”

Macon is not looking to cheat any longer as he feels he has a firm grasp on this quiz and is doing just fine without the answers in front of him. His true intentions become clear when Josleen gets within arms reach and the King immediately pulls her closer, grabbing a handful of her backside once she is up against him, the magazine between them still. The next question is fine and good, but he is unsatisfied with the answers he has to choose from. The King himself is sort of a bully, and that is not necessarily a bad thing, for a monarch to be, is it? “C.” He answers begrudgingly with the closest thing to what he might actually do, before quickly following up, “Wha’ would you do.” It is maybe unclear even to him what he would do. Maybe this is the rare case where ‘D.’ is the best answer.

Josleen grins when Macon grabs her bum and presses a quick kiss to his neck. “C,” she replies. D would have in truth been acceptable, albeit in a second order, but she doesn’t say so aloud lest he think he can just start answering D and be off the hook. She skims ahead at the questions and her look becomes devious. “We’re entering the teenage years now. Five more. They’re good. Your son is thirteen and wants to go to a concert with his friend in Vailkrin. It’s a dangerous city, and you don’t trust his friend’s parents to keep the children safe, so you say no. He cries at the dinner table. Do you… A. Change your mind and agree to take him to the concert yourself. B. Don’t change your mind, and tell him that real men don’t cry over things like concerts. C. Don’t change your mind, and explain why you came to your decision and ask questions until he comes to the same conclusion. D. Change your mind and let him go with the friend, but you won’t go yourself.”

Macon grumbles benignly at what seems like a large amount of remaining questions. Maybe D could get him off the hook, he thinks, while running fingers up Josleen’s back and she delivers another question that he believes is flawed when asked of him, the King of Larket. Why would he deny the request in the first place? The might of the Larketian Military is at his disposal and Royal Guards are on duty for the exact purpose of protecting the hypothetical Prince in places like The City of The Dead. “Why wouldn’ he be going with Kingsguard..?” This is rhetorical, because Macon growls afterward and considers the fictional universe where he has made the decision to not let the kid goes to the concert. We have seen that The Rage Knight is not in the business of explaining his decisions to people who question them, nor is he in the habit of changing his mind. This leads to the honest answer of “B. But I do not like tha’ one.”

Josleen makes a face at the question and nods in agreement with Macon. “Me either. I don’t think you should change your mind. Vailkrin!” She bug eyes at the thought of the precious prince at just 13 walking around the city of the dead. No way is that happening. “But I don’t see why we need to explain why he can’t go, or bully him about it. No is no and that’s that.” She grins at him, pleased that they’re more or less on the same page with only minor disciplinary differences. “Though even with the Kingsguard I wouldn’t want him going… Vailkrin.” She shudders. So far Macon’s answers and reasoning have assuaged her fears of him as a father, and she seems even more smitten with him. How lucky is she? “Ok, daughters again. Your daughter is fourteen and wants to go on a date with a boy. Do you… A. Give her your blessing, this is an important milestone! B. Demand to meet the boy, and interrogate him and lay down rules. C. Carefully ask about the details of the date and negotiate a date that makes you both comfortable, ideally a chaperoned one. D. Prohibit her from dating until she is of an appropriate age.”

Macon nods along with Josleen as they continue to agree on answers, no cheating required. They differ slightly on confidence in the Larketian Kingsguard, but this is nothing to cause concern. It is true Vailkrin is dangerous. There are vampires over there that seem to be destroying the place every six months or so. They should just have the concert in Larket. The next question comes and The Rage Knight is starting to feel disconnected with the fictional child in the quiz. 14 years is a ways off to make a judgement like this with any confidence. So he finds it simple to answer “B” again without much need for thought. Again D does not sound as horrible as it has in previous questions.

Josleen isn’t sure what the right answer is. The realm of teenagers is mysterious and difficult. “I’m not sure what the right answer is. I don’t want our child to resent us, or feel oppressed, but…” She contemplates telling Macon a less savory story of her past. She chews on the inside of her lower lip, still affected a little. “When I was fourteen an older boy, 17, wanted to take me out on a date. My father said no, that he was too old for me, but I thought I was mature enough, so I snuck out anyway. We went to the park, which-- you been to Xalious Park? It’s big and easy to get lost in there. There’s some shallow caves where teenagers go to drink and fool around. So we went there, I was nervous. He kissed me, and I was alright with that, but still nervous. Then suddenly he was undoing his trousers and I was not ready for that --at all, but he was… well you know how boys are at that age.” She rubs her collarbone. “Insistent. Got it out and everything, told me just to hold it… I didn’t want to, but he took my hand and put it right on it just like that. Thankfully another couple came in at that moment, older, around his age, and they made a face like they didn’t like what they walked in on. So he buttoned up and we left. I didn’t stop anywhere else and went straight home. I never saw him again. At the time I was embarrassed and ashamed, though looking back with the wisdom of years I see a young girl who thought herself mature but was still a child. I wonder what would have happened if that other couple hadn’t come in. So…” She inhales sharply, shrugging her shoulders then letting all the tension out with a shake of her head. “Being a girl is difficult at that age. Your body is womanly before your mind.” She laughs to deflect any concern, “Maybe D.” Is she kidding? Maybe. Maybe not. How easily things could have turned sour for Josleen, at a few different occasions too. “Back to sons. These are easier. Your son is fifteen and lacks ambition. Do you…A. Give him time, he’s just a boy. B. Put him in the military. C. Encourage him to set up a business, lend him money to pay back. D. Tell his mother you’re concerned about his lack of ambition because she is better at these things.”

Macon glares into the past at the seventeen year old little- while Josleen tells the story. “Maybe D.” He agrees solemnly with another small spike of rage filling the air that causes Gigi to growl harmlessly at nothing. The next question is difficult for The King, though for different reasons than any of the previous ones. ‘A favored son lacking in ambition’ reads very similarly to his late brother’s story. The Jauzons put him in the military and we know how poorly that ended for poor George. Still, The Rage Knight gives plenty of credit to, and sees the merit in his own stints in the Veratoak military and the Larket Sheriff’s Office. Macon goes silent for a few moments. “I don't know.” He finally admits in a rare display of indecision. Difficult for him to do even for a relatively meaningless quiz such as this. He goes on to explain his concerns, telling his own anecdote of George’s death in the military and his own positive experience with serving. ‘C’ does not appear to be in the running for Macon and the D’s are the obvious wrong answers, and he can’t bring himself to actually say ‘A’ or ‘B’.

Josleen feels the rage spike and smooths a hand over his sculpted side. “Perhaps the real lesson is that daughters should listen to their fathers.” Kyl’oriel was right in her story. When Macon says he doesn’t know what to do about an ambitionless son, she cants her head to the side in sympathy and curiosity. She continues stroking him lovingly as he remembers George, one of the few emotional wounds he still feels. “It is difficult. You control the military, so you could enlist him and ensure he never sees real combat, but if he knows that then the entire exercise is undermined. I don’t know either. I suppose it depends on the boy… Teenagers are difficult. Maybe Muzo can come up with a way to skip the teenage years,” she jokes. “Let’s say B for now. We can always protect him from real harm. Ok, so…” She reads the next question. “Oh dear, teenage daughters again.” She runs her fingers through her own hair anxiously as she eyes the question, hesitating before reading it aloud, “Your daughter,” she says in a playfully somber tone, as if announcing a debutante at a ball, “is sixteen and tells you and your wife that she is pregnant. Do you…A. Tell her that you love her and will support her no matter what she chooses to do with the child. B. Tell her that she has ruined her life, but must have the child. C. Explain the repercussions of her decision and ask her to lay out a childcare plan or come up with the money for an abortion. D. Pay for an abortion.”

Macon agrees with Josleen's assessment of the previous question in order to move on from it as quickly as possible. The next one causes Macon some pause and he raises a brow. With the return of the hypothetical daughter and the departure of the George facsimile, so too returns the disconnect from the subject matter as they are so far away from having to deal with something like this. He knows, for his wife D is once again the absolute wrong answer and C is likely a no go zone as well. He answers “A” without much internal deliberation as this seems like the outright correct answer. Obviously in reality were this to come up, he might be more inclined to think he knows best, and want to make the decision himself or with Josleen.

Josleen combs her fingertips through Macon’s chest hair/rug, utterly smitten by this game of theirs, and him, too, especially now that he’s engaged her on this subject like she’s wanted for many months. She smiles at his answer and believes herself to be someone who would choose A as well. In truth, Josleen would likely be a very shouty and vein-popping B. “Me too, though the answer isn’t worded well. It says ‘no matter what she chooses to do with the child.’ What is there to do but love the babe and raise them?” She looks at Macon expectantly for his agreement that there is no other option. “What would you do if she wanted an abortion?”

Macon nods in agreement again like he is supposed to. Then Josleen loads up on her own added question. He rubs her back and soothes her from the nerve of this fictitious child as he likely would have to I'm real life if such a thing were to ever happen. “I would ‘ave ‘er reconsider.” This is a polite way of saying he would not allow it. His answer, like any good politician, is molded for his audience, and in this hypothetical realm they are discussing, he is more than happy to give the answer the Queen wants to hear, as he will never have to own up to what he is saying here and now… Most likely. Even if he does, hopefully Josleen will have forgotten about his quiz answers by then and he can make a decision without influence from a magazine published 14 years prior.

Josleen grins and slides her nose against his, then kisses him sweetly. The sweetness succumbs to a more lustful fire. The magazine crumples beneath their entangling bodies, and just when it seems like she’s forgotten about the quiz, she breaks away only a little, her nose still pressed to his. “One more question,” she teases, knowing full well Macon would rather crush the magazine under Josleen and Josleen under him. “I want to see your result.” She scoots to pull the magazine out from under her. As her free hand’s fingers walk on his lower abdomen, she reads, “Ok, last question. Your son is 19, fallen in love with his first girlfriend. She is of a much lower class with no connections or wealth. He wants to marry her. Do you… A. Celebrate the news and support them. B. Order him not to marry a low class woman. C. Explain to him that he thinks he is in love, but is too young to know what love is, and should wait and see if things change. D. Let him do what he wants, but don’t go to this farce of a wedding.”

Macon let's out a growl at being made to wait and doesn't stop feeling Josleen up while she asks the final question. He is looking to get the quiz over with as soon as possible, but still gives this some thought. Once again none of the multiple choices are one hundred percent what he would be doing in a situation. They are absolute for the most part, where he feels there should be shades of grey. Neither Josleen nor himself are particularly high born, though they were both well connected when they, admittedly rushed into their own wedding/earthquake. Still, their current lofty position will afford their child the luxury of perhaps not needing to marry as part of a peace treaty or something, not that it hasn't worked out well in this case. Maybe the bit about ‘first girlfriend’ gives some pause, but not enough. Again, who knows what 19 years will bring, so an answer of “A” is given simply. ‘C’ is the only other answer he even considers.

Putting aside the hypocrisy of being born low and marrying after only knowing each other for a few months, Josleen would not choose A. “Really?” She says as she wrinkles her nose in distaste while still beaming at him, not really bothered by ‘A’. “I’d choose C. Ok, so…” She quickly adds up the scores. He answered a lot of B’s and a couple D’s...carry the one… “You got--Haa!!” She laughs too hard to speak and takes a hot minute to calm down. “You got The King!” Still laughing at the coincidence she reads aloud, “Your word is law!” She fans herself while laughing because that is literally true! Tears are coming to her eyes. “You don’t take any talkback and feel no need to explain yourself or coddle those around you. Your steady hand will guide your children towards the correct path without error, but this type of parenting has its drawbacks. Of all the father types, this one has the most friction with his children. Your children may feel you are too strict, and at times fail to feel your love. Take time to listen to them, and sometimes, compromise with them.” Josleen blinks at the brevity of it and chortles again. “That’s all it says.”

Macon, after waiting semi-patiently for the results, (harassing Josleen while she does the math), stares stone faced at the title his answers earned. “My word is law, ” he represents, somewhat incredulously. Impossible. “Le’ me see tha’.” He commands racing for the magazine to confirm that she isn't just making this up. What type of witchcraft are these magazine people using to create such accurate quiz results. Needless to say, the advice given by the end of the results is ignored by The King, which, if they knew so much about him, they'd know he would ignore it and not bother putting it in. So, QED the magazine people aren't psychic after all.

Josleen, still laughing, releases the magazine when Macon snatches it out of her hands to see the results for himself. She kisses him repeatedly, happily, and whispers, “You’re going to be a great father, love.” Not that he doubted himself, surely. She straddles him and picks up where they left off. Mid kisses she says, “I want four.”

Macon responds with a “So be it,” to Josleen’s demand for four (children presumably). Far be it from the king to deny the queen such a thing. The magazine is discarded to the floor and Gigi bounds/lumbers over to it to sniff at it, testing to see if it is food or not. It is not and the dog gives one last huff towards it before going back into the shade to lie down. Macon sits up and presses against his wife while rough hands set to work on getting that kimono off. The sound of tearing fabric can be heard, as is likely often the case when such an obstacle is in the Rage Knight's way.