RP:Together Or Not At All 2: Electric Boogaloo

Summary: Brand's healing is slow going and she is still unable to shift back to her old form. But, both she and Khitti talk about their feelings with regards to all of this--something that wouldn't have happened at all before all of this meddling of Viera's.

The Tranquility, Cenril Wharf

Khitti || Surprising to everyone, including Khitti, she stayed instead of leaving like she'd told Dozla. She slept and napped daily in the chair next to the exam table Brand had been on, until Brand had been well enough to be carried into their quarters. Khitti took care of her, every day for that first week. She fed her, helped her bathe and dress into something more comfortable when it was needed. Lennier still checked Brand often, of course.

Khitti barely left that room. When Brand was awake, Khitti was bright and chipper (as much as Khitti could be anyway), but as Brand slept, she cried. She drank. She hid herself away in their bathroom. She wasn't even quite sure how she managed to even be anything other than distraught. It wasn't even really because of Brand's lies now. Viera had taken advantage of Khitti. She'd made Khitti love her--and even slept with her. She'd found bits of Viera all over their quarters on the ship. The makeup she'd help Viera carry there. The necklace she'd bought for Viera in the Shadow Plane. The kraken bangle bracelet Khitti had bought to unknowingly replace the seashell bracelet from Brand. Khitti felt nothing but shame and she kept it from Brand. Did Brand even know what Viera had done to her?

Brand || For Brand, the first few days after Viera’s spell were a haze of pain and sleep, sleep and pain. Even if Khitti -hadn’t- been hiding how she felt, Brand very well might not have noticed, because she had so many of her own problems -- not least of which was her damned memories. While she knew one story of her past was the ‘true’ version, the others felt just as real… maybe even moreso, given the body she was stuck in. Versions of herself competed with one another for dominance. The first day she was able to move around on her own, she got halfway through her makeup before realizing what she was doing… only to decide, frak it, she might as well finish it. It wasn’t like she was well enough to hobble around the ship, anyway.

Khitti || The sounds of a fountain pen being furiously scribbled on paper came from the situation room. With the duties given out for the day, Dozla elsewhere on the ship for the moment, and Brand obviously not captaining the ship again just yet, Khitti took up the room for herself. As she wrote, here and there words were misspelled and sentences were not quite sounding the way she wanted it. It was unfortunate that not only did she have to cue in a newcomer about the issues in the Mage’s Guild, but possibly even attend an upcoming meeting about it. Khitti couldn’t focus her thoughts, which led her to not be able to write the damn letter to Caltarok… which only served to irritate her more. She tore the paper in two, crumbled them up, and let them join their brethren on the ground--she’d been at this for way longer than it should’ve taken. Fed up with it, she drained her glass of whiskey, moved the glass aside, promptly faceplanted onto the table in front of her, and sighed heavily.

Brand did the last of her makeup and frowned at her reflection. She hated being left alone with her thoughts -- least of all now, when they were so conflicted. Part of her just wanted to move on, to put everything to do with Viera behind them as quickly and as quietly as possible. That was mostly the old Brand, she suspected. But part of her was mourning realities that had never been, fond and peaceful memories of her ‘other life’, and even the unborn children she knew she’d been manipulated into wanting. It was a whole life she’d never asked for, would never have sought out for herself -- only now that it was gone to dust, part of her wanted it back. It was ludicrous, she knew. But that didn’t stop her from wanting. And it hurt like hell to know it had all been a lie. Viera’s lie. Karma that had taken some twenty-odd years in coming back around.

Brand || She threw her makeup brush at the mirror in frustration. These thoughts were going nowhere useful. Too quickly, she shot up from her chair and faced an instant reminder that not all of her ills were of the mind. Pain surged through her middle, and she clutched the back of the chair, gritted her teeth, and waited for the worst to pass. It -would- pass, eventually. It all would. It had to.

Khitti || It would seem both Herzeglers were rather frustrated with their situation. Khitti would soon give up and return to their quarters, only to find Brand standing there in pain. “What are you doing out of bed? None of -that- was necessary either considering you can barely move five feet without hurting again.” By ‘that’, she meant the makeup. It was something that had come too easily; the memories of male Khitti still lingering just as much as Brand’s own were. It had been something he’d had to scold Brand about before, when she’d been pregnant with Dominic--or so Khitti’s brain told her. She helped Brand back to bed, whether she liked it or not, and grabbed up the bottle of milk of the poppy from the dresser, wordlessly handing it to Brand when she was settled.

Brand blushed fiercely and cast her gaze anywhere other than Khitti. “I -- I didn’t mean to. It just kind of... happened.” It didn’t help that a part of her felt glad for it, like at least it was something she could do to feel ‘normal’ even if she couldn’t do much else. But this… this was anything but normal. And as Khitti helped Brand to bed, the tears came, unbidden and unwanted. As if she wasn’t already embarrassed enough, now she was going to cry about it. Fantastic. (At least the eye makeup was waterproof, thought the part of her that cared about such things.)

Khitti looked vaguely uncomfortable. Mostly because she's terrible at consoling herself, let alone other people. But, ultimately, she got in bed with Brand and shushed her. Nicely, of course. "Hey..." She pressed her lips against Brand's forehead. "Look. I know things are... uh... weird right now, but I need you to focus on getting better." Both hands were brought up to Brand's face, Khitti's thumbs used to carefully wipe away her tears as she held her there to get Brand to look at her. "I was really angry before, but now I'm just mostly sad and numb and I need you. And Dominic needs you too. We almost lost you and I just need you to be okay -physically-, if nothing else." Khitti opened her mouth to say something, hesitated, then sighed. "I need one of us to be okay in that regard and right now, it has to be you." There was definitely something lingering under the surface of Khitti's words but she couldn't quite bring herself to say it yet.

Khitti released Brand's face and buried herself under the covers somewhat, her line of sight shifting elsewhere. She was at the extent of her ability to console anyone right now, with the way she felt.

Brand allowed herself to be comforted for a while, but pretty soon the meaning of Khitti's words hit her and she sat up as much as she could, looking at Khitti with intensity. "You're not alright. Oh, gods. You're not alright. It's the blackout spells, isn't it? Are you still having them? Khitti, that should have stopped by now. Gods. Frak." Okay, Brand was seriously freaking out now. "Frak, I dunno how to help you. It should've--" On a strange impulse, she took Khitti's head in her hands and focused her magic there. Stranger still, she could actually -sense- something after a moment -- like a series of knots in a rope. Unsure what else to do, she visualized untying them, one after the next. "Does that -- do you think that helped at all? I have no idea what I'm doing. But if I have all of Viera's magicks now, then..." It stood to reason that she should be able to fix what effects of it were fixable. Although, she still hadn't been able to change her body back and had been afraid to try after almost dying on her first attempt, so... maybe not -everything-.

Khitti just laid there as Brand concentrated with Khitti's head in her hands, staring at the Catalian. She was content to do so until the knots in her mind were undone. It caused her a bit of discomfort and once Brand was finished, tears welled up in Khitti's eyes. "I kept breaking out of Viera's magic... She wiped my memories at least three times. I-I couldn't remember things from home... Stupid little things like Lydia's favorite color or how long my father was often gone for work. It just kept getting worse. I didn't want it to eat up my memories from here too." She nodded a little, to finally manage to answer Brand's question. "But they're back now. "

Khitti || Now it was time for Khitti to start crying. At first, the dam that was breaking was nothing more than a trickle -- a few sniffles here, some tears let loose there. Then all of a sudden, it was full on sobbing. It really wasn't like Khitti to cry this much. Even after all the other manipulative beings she'd run into -- like the mindflayers -- it had never been like this. It had been expected with them. "She made me love her. I could tell something was wrong but I could never figure out what. S-She... She..."

Khitti couldn't say it. The word danced along her tongue and in her mind. It mocked her, told her she was weak, said she was worthless and that the only purpose she served was to be used. "I-I didn't want to. -I didn't want to.-" She kept repeating it; it was as close as she'd get to saying what Viera had done to her. She'd convinced herself that Brand wouldn't understand. Wouldn't care. Why would she? She had her own set of equally awful things to worry about. There were plenty of I'm Sorry's and I Love You' s mixed in with her mantra of 'I didn't want to'. All those emotions Khitti had hidden all week were finally laid bare, albeit unintentionally. Once it started, she was unable to stop, until it was either all out for now or she went mad from it all.

“Oh no. Oh, Khitti.” Brand held her as she cried, and her own tears started anew. Those memories had been dim, muffled as they were by Viera’s own consciousness, but now Brand could remember it clearly. She’d been made to watch all of it from inside Viera those several months, and she’d been unable to do anything to stop it. “I know, I know. I’m so sorry. So, so sorry. I never thought she could come back…”

Khitti || “I thought I was okay… and then I found some of the things I’d bought her still here,” Khitti said eventually after some of the crying died down. “I tried really hard to be okay while you’ve been sleeping, but I’m really really not. And I didn’t want to talk to Lennier about the blackouts because I don’t think I could take all that poking and prodding right now and he likely wouldn’t have been able to help me in the first place. And I wasn’t sure you were even going to make it. Or if it was even me that brought you back. I begged Vakmatharas… I begged him...” Tears made themselves known again as Khitti rambled frantically. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this lost before.”

Brand nodded to a book on her bedside table, a large tome with several bookmarks sprinkled throughout. “I’ve been doing a little research on the gods while I’ve been laid up in here, actually. I’m pretty sure it was Selene. She’s known by a different name in Catal, but the core ideas behind her are more or less the same. If I’m right, uh… she’s been watching over me for a long while, actually.” Brand felt a little sheepish admitting this; she’d been so against even acknowledging the gods for so long. Or the old Brand had, anyway. But she was someone new now, for better or worse. The new Brand had different values, different wants, and different needs. “I don’t know what to do, either. But really, the only thing we -can- do is go forward. We can’t go back.” She gestured to herself. “Certainly, not like this.”

Khitti || Despite the way she felt, she couldn’t help but smirk at Brand. All these years of denying the gods existed or cared for her in any way -- even -after- Khitti died and came back very much not a vampire. Khitti thought about things for a moment, crimson brows knitting together in slight confusion. “Wait…” The gears turned a bit more. “What if she’s the reason why I was in the ocean after I died and came back? To help you find me. I always did wonder why the hell Vakmatharas would’ve put me there… I feel like I should’ve popped back up near one of his temples or Vailkrin or something.” It’s for the better she didn’t though, considering one of his temples was in The Nameless Desert, and the heat and sun there did not agree with her whatsoever. “That could just be me seeing things I want to see though,” she said with a shrug. Talking about something she could potentially help with seemed to calm Khitti for the moment. She shook her head and turned her attention to the other “issue”. “Have you tried shifting back? You’re doing a hell of a lot better than you were when you tried it before. And, I dunno, I could try to keep you steady health-wise with my magic.” She paused, considering things. “Do you -want- to change back?” A part of Khitti did miss Brand’s old face terribly -- she hadn’t seen it since this whole thing with Viera started and when Viera made Khitti look like Brand back in the Shadow Plane -- but she wasn’t sure if it was something she should outright say.

Brand || “No, you could be right. Maybe Selene -did- have something to do with that. Although I guess it’s not like we can ask her directly.” Brand’s expression turned complex at Khitti’s questions about shapeshifting. “It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that I don’t think I -can-. I’ve seen a handful of similar failures to transform in the past, when me working with shapeshifters was more of a… a regular thing. And even then, only a handful. The people it happened to, they were either stuck like that, or they needed a -particularly- skilled shifter to help them, or they died in the attempt. Or all three.” Brand stared at her hands, brows knit. “Viera gave me the first Dominic and all that that entailed, to make a long story very, very short. So I have no doubt she’d be capable enough, if anyone could. But, even if we hypothetically asked her -- and I’m by no means suggesting we do -- would she be willing? I highly doubt it.” She sighed. “I guess there’s little harm in trying again, if you’re here and Lennier is on standby. I just don’t think I have the skill to push back against whatever’s causing this. It’s not like Viera -actually- trained me much.”

Khitti shrugged. "You could try to speak to her, you know. Her and Zaytor's temples are in Rynvale. If you really like that grotto so much, you might like it there too. Seems peaceful." A faint smile appeared on her face, though it seemed a little sad, "Who knows... maybe she'll actually talk to you. I don't think mine really listen to me." How many times had she begged for help from the three of them and got nothing in return? How devout did one need to be to truly hear their gods?

Khitti sighed, turned onto her back and stared at the ceiling. "Well, for starters, you're not going to die, so you can check that off the list. If you can't do it with me and Lennier's help, then I'll find Viera and -force- her to teach you. She's lucky I haven't gone back there to look for her. I had been sorely tempted to several times while you were out." Crimson brows furrowed and a irritated frown took hold. "Killing her won't phase her. She's been there, done that. If she wants to keep that body of hers, she'll do it. Otherwise, I'll just rip her from it and take it to the Necromancer's Guild. The students there are always in need of fresh bodies." She sighed, "The problem is like I said though... my gods don't listen to me. She, on the other hand, has a direct line to Cire." The feeling of worthlessness returned, her frown taking on a somber tone. "Perhaps I'm not as worthy of that kind of connection like I thought I was." It seemed as though Khitti was on her way out of the world of the devout while Brand was on her way in.

Brand || "Or maybe you're following the wrong ones. I think I will try talking to Selene, once I can actually make that kind of trip. You should come with me when I do, and who knows? Maybe there's something to your theory about coming back to life via the ocean." Or it was Cire, Brand thought darkly. Cire undoubtedly had taken some interest in Brand's life, even if it was only because of Viera. She wasn't sure she wanted the kind of attention or 'help' Cire offered. "As for Viera... I guess we'll cross that bridge if we come to it. Should I try to shift again now?"

Khitti looked... not happy at the idea of the possibility of her following the wrong gods. It had just really never occurred to her and now she almost seemed... frightened? Shocked? Concerned? All of the above? Way to further throw your wife into an existential crisis, Brand. She almost couldn't comprehend it. Has all this all been a waste of time? If she wasn't supposed to be working with/for them then... who?

Khitti || "Oh. Yeah. Maybe." Khitti was a million miles away. She'd listened to Brand as she searched the room for answers -- as if an inanimate object would speak to her if her gods wouldn't. Khitti was unable to not be bothered by this and it showed. She turned away from Brand, her back to the Catalian now as her line of sight settled on the door to their washroom.

Khitti || It was some time before she even semi-returned to the conversation at hand. "We can try if you're ready. It's entirely up to you." She was quiet again for a moment, thinking on something else. "If you do get things figured out with shifting and if you think you're able to... can you change me back sometimes? If you want to, anyway." She hesitated, but eventually peeked over her shoulder at Brand. "I don't want you to have to do this alone if you don't want to and... I don't think I hated it." No, she really hadn't. And even if she couldn't personally shift, she still wanted to try to be there for Brand.

Brand really hadn't thought about how Khitti would take the suggestion that she was following the wrong gods before she'd opened her mouth. Whoops. She stood by her theory, though -- if there were multiple gods of varying personalities or spheres of influence, it seemed entirely within the realm of possibility to follow one that had lost interest in you or straight up never give a frak. Brand considered all this for a moment before trying to reassure Khitti. "I dunno if this helps, but I'm sure you wouldn't be the first to have followed a god who didn't respond in kind. I figure it's a bit like any relationship with a mortal, where you can end up caring about someone who just takes advantage of you or doesn't treat you right. The best thing to do when you realize you're in that situation is to cut ties and look for someone new who will be better, right? Maybe it's the same with the gods."

Brand || When Khitti spoke of the shapeshifting problem and her willingness to shift back to being a guy every so often, Brand's whole face lit up. She couldn't help it, and she didn't act fast enough to try to hide it. She blushed, instead. Gods, this whole 'emotional' thing was an inconvenience, sometimes. "That's a brilliant idea, actually. If I can consistently shift you but I still can't shift me, we at least know the problem isn't with my ability to do the magic, and that it must be something else." Brand hesitated while she struggled with whether or not to admit this next part. Finally, with a sigh, she confessed. "And, well, I didn't hate us being that way either. There were even parts of it I think I genuinely liked." Brand blushed even harder now. "Although, I wonder if it only worked because we didn't know we'd ever been any different...? I don't know. I'm still confused. All these memories... all these conflicting versions of me... I guess I'm surprised that none of it feels 'wrong', because I'm -very- sure I wouldn't have agreed to have my gender frakked around with if I'd been asked. But I'm not even particularly bothered to be stuck in this body, if I'm bein' honest. Like, sure, I'd like to go back, but I guess the part of me that remembers having lived a whole life as a woman makes it easy to tolerate?" Brand shook her head, laughing at the absurdity of it all. "I don't think Viera expected any of this to play out the way it has. I'm pretty sure she'd be pissed I'm alive, and then also pissed I'm not traumatized by existence as a woman." A beat. "Anyway, if we're gonna attempt to do this again, you should warn Lennier first. Just in case."

Khitti didn’t seem to be too receptive to Brand’s theory, if only because she was steadily growing bitter about the whole possibility of wasted time. “Why did they even bother to bring me back then? What’s the point in having followers if you won’t even show you’re listening, once in a while? I’m not asking them to have twelve hour conversations with me until three in the morning,” she said, with a frown. “And if I’m not supposed to be working with them… then who? Selene has made it obvious enough that -you-, of all people, have noticed that she favors you. I literally run a guild in all of their names and I can’t even get a sign from one of them that I’m doing something right for once or that I should be doing something else.” She resisted the urge to scream into her pillow. Okay, no she didn’t. And she doesn’t feel any better after it either. “It’s all well and great if they decide they’re done with me, but it would be nice to know. Somehow.”

Khitti pushed herself up out of bed and turned towards Brand, shaking her head. “What you’re feeling is exactly what I felt after my amnesia went away. Amnesia-Me was -not- me. She’s too happy and far too trusting and probably what I would’ve been if I hadn’t grown up the way I did or in the place that I was in.” Khitti actually kind of looked disgusted by this. “And much to my dismay, she’s still sort of here. Except she’d put her trust in gods for four years and worked her ass off for nothing. -You- didn’t even get the little bit of time I had to explore things when it came to yourself. You just had to exist and kill things and move on. So, who’s to say that this isn’t a possibility of who you could’ve been? Or maybe it’s who we are in another reality? It wasn’t the first time we’d experienced something like that.” She chuckled somewhat bitterly and rubbed her eyes in vague frustration. “I suppose I should be thanking Viera. I found out I like women too, apparently, and that I am completely comfortable with being a guy sometimes.”

Khitti || She sighed, feeling somewhat defeated by everything. “All that to say… I get it. I went through it before and I’m going through it again now. We will either figure it out… or we won’t.” Khitti pointed at the door. “I’m going to go get Lennier.” She opened the door and headed out into the hallway, and then seconds later walked back in. “Wait, what did you just say?” The gears in Khitti’s head started turning again. “Viera doesn’t know you’re alive.” She blinked a few times. “If you manage to get the shifting under control without her, that could work to our advantage when I decide it’s time to strangle her, take her soul from her new body, and throw the body into the portal to the Chaos Realm to show Cire that I killed his stupid pet.” Yeah, uh. Khitti’s been plotting Viera’s death a lot. Can’t imagine why. She pointed at the door again and actually left this time to get the elf.

Brand was left to her own thoughts again, only this time she felt a bit more optimistic about their situation. Khitti didn't seem to blame her too much for what happened, at least. If she could master shapeshifting and Viera's other magicks on her own, they could find her and beat her and maybe find some closure to this whole mess that way. And the thought of using shapeshifting magic to process what had happened to them and their alternate selves... if Brand was honest with herself, it was exciting. There were so many possibilities. She hadn't had new magic to play around with in years, and it felt a bit like getting a jumbo-sized strawberry cheesecake for Yule.

Brand || But just in case she was being -too- optimistic, she decided to pray to Selene until Khitti came back.

Khitti, on the other hand, was quickly becoming a complete and total wreck again. This didn’t sit right at all with her, to the point of almost full on panicking. She even had to stop outside of Lennier’s office and compose herself for a minute before she went in. He could probably hear her hesitating outside and whispering to herself about how she’d have plenty of time to freak out later whenever Brand passed out again. Eventually, she sighed, opened the door and poked her head inside, “Lennier. Brand wants to try to shapeshift again, without the dying part this time. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to, but we wanted to make you aware in case something went wrong.” She didn’t even wait for a response before heading back. She didn’t want Lennier to see her. Aside from Brand, he was likely next in line to notice something was indeed wrong with her and she couldn’t have him focusing on her again when Brand was still not fully healed and could possibly get worse again after this next attempt.

Khitti || She wandered back into their quarters, her hands wringing one another as she dwelled on her new issue. Couldn’t she at least finish dealing with one problem before another one showed up? No. Fate would never make things that easy on Khitti. It never had and it never would. “I told him. I didn’t look to see if he was busy though, but he’s been made aware at least,” Khitti said, eyeing Brand briefly before looking elsewhere. She was trying very hard not to let visibly show that she was still bothered by all of this, but the absent-minded wringing of her hands would say otherwise. “Do you want to stay here in bed? Or go somewhere else?” Not that Brand could really walk anywhere, even beyond that room. Khitti was at least trying to be nice and give her options.

Brand finished her prayers and immediately noticed that handwringing, sure enough, although she likely misinterpreted its meaning. "If you're not ready to try this, we don't have to right now. I was going to shapeshift you first, just to make sure that goes okay before I try it on myself." Suddenly, Brand had a case of nerves, too. Postponing this at Khitti's request would be almost a relief.

Khitti || "W-what? No. That's not--. I'm not--." Khitti sighed and shook her head. "I'm not anxious about that." She sat down at the edge of the bed on Brand's side and offered a hand to her, to help move Brand over next to her. "It'll be okay. Let's get this over with.” Khitti took Brand's hand in her own again, this time just to hold, and gave her those three squeezes to say 'I love you'.

Brand took a deep, shuddering breath. Okay. It would be okay. She squeezed Khitti's hand in the same way, three times quickly. And then, after a little concentration... Khitti transformed. There was that face that set the heart of Brand's feminine persona aflutter. She laughed nervously and gave him a kiss before concentrating on herself. One... two... go.

Brand || Her form rippled just as Khitti's had before he changed, but that was as far as she got before the pain shot through her and the ripples turned to angry spikes again. She released Khitti's hand and fell backwards onto the bed, crying out in that same eerie chorus of voices as she had the time before.

Brand || Eventually, the seizing stopped, and Brand could breathe again without screaming. She lay staring up at the ceiling, sweat-drenched and panting. "Well... trying didn't kill me, at least." Maybe not, but everything still hurt like hell.

Khitti watched sadly as Brand was unable to change again. Tears lined his eyes as he feared the worst, only for Brand to be mostly okay when the ordeal was over with. He laid back onto the bed and wrapped an arm around her carefully. "It's okay. We'll figure it out, alright?" As he thought things over quietly and held Brand, there was a knock at the door. Lennier poked his head in, in much the same fashion as Khitti had before. "I heard the screaming. Is she okay?" He blinked a few times, realizing Khitti had returned to his male form, but soon turned his attention to Brand. Khitti nodded with a bit of a frown, then motioned for him to come in and check her.

Khitti || "She could change me again, but not herself," Khitti said at length. He returned to his thoughts as he moved away from Brand just long enough to let Lennier look her over. Things felt somewhat familiar... Someone recently was unable to perform a task on themselves while concentrating on it. "Ah! Rilla came to me weeks ago. She can shadowstep like I can, albeit a bit differently. The problem is that she can't really do it when she's thinking about it. I suggested that it might be some sort of mental block, from trauma or something. She's been having nightmares about her past, so..." Khitti took to pacing back and forth a bit in the room and continued to voice his thoughts. "There's also the mental block -I- had over the years, from the things that happened back in Dhavislaav. Between that and the seal the mindflayer put on my magic, you saw that I couldn't do much of anything with it. That block didn't go away until the explosion of magic in Raiez's cave that stemmed from Ayras." He stopped and turned towards Brand, "What if it's something like that? It could either be because of trauma, because of the things she did to you, or maybe she limited your magic on purpose."

Khitti || He pressed his lips into a grim line as he considered all of this, then looked to Lennier, "Have you ever dealt with shapeshifters before? Lycans or other forms of werefolk might hold some sort of clue too, even though their shifting is probably a bit different."

Brand || Lennier shook his head. “Not particularly, no. We have a lycan on crew, but she hasn’t come to me with any problems of that nature. And it’s not a common enough magic that I spent much time studying it in my days as a student.” He was looking over Brand as she lay on the bed, but he couldn’t see any new injury. The bandages on her stomach were still dry and clean.

Brand || “It was probably more common in Catal,” Brand said through clenched teeth. The pain had gathered in her abdomen, and the muscles were spasming erratically. She had to pause between every few words to breathe through the worst of it. “Or maybe just the part I’m from. The Daggers worked with shapeshifters on the regular. Most of them were worshippers of Cire, like Viera.” She fell silent for a while, save for her labored breaths. Ever so slowly, the pain was beginning to subside. That was a good sign, at least. “If I had to guess... something about Viera’s spell frakked me up good and hard. Even with magic, it’s not normal to make a full-grown adult body from the seeds of conception in the space of a day. Even after all the energy she sapped from people to make it work, it probably wasn’t enough. And she obviously didn’t care what she had to do to me to make it happen -- she expected me to die.” She looked to Khitti, apprehensive. “If I still can’t shift once I’m healed, I think we’re gonna have to find her and somehow make her help.” Even if Brand didn’t particularly -mind- this form, she still didn’t want to be stuck in it forever.

Khitti couldn’t help but grin. He really couldn’t. He didn’t mind this plan one bit. “That can certainly be arranged,” he said to Brand, doing his best to suppress the excitement he had at the thought of punching Viera in her stupid smug face. Repeatedly. It’s something he’s been daydreaming every so often. But, for Lennier’s sake, Khitti tried so very hard to make it seem like she didn’t want to all out kill someone, even if the elf knew what Khitti was really like. “Thanks, Lennier,” Khitti said to the elf, “If something comes up, I’ll let you know.” With that said, Lennier bowed his head somewhat and vacated the room.

Khitti jumped on top of Brand--carefully, of course--and straddled her as he shook her lightly by the shoulders. “I’m going to beat the ever-loving frak out of her. I told her she should’ve killed me. -I told her.- I wish she hadn’t been mostly wearing illusions all the time because I’ve half a mind to burn her precious sparkly dresses and her ten thousand pairs of shoes in front of her too.” He really never understood why women needed that many, despite also technically being a woman. It was something that never appealed to Khitti, like it had Lydia. Khitti stopped and squinted at nothing in particular, “Now the question is: how the hell am I going to do it? She’s got a body now so that helps, but she’s still damn powerful.” He paused, pursing his lips in contemplation. “What the hell do you give a being of pure chaos as an offering? Did you ever see them do it? Did Viera ever do anything like that when I wasn’t with her? “Maybe he can be swayed.” She -did- get punished that one time for messing with Khitti, though Khitti didn’t actually know it. He just assumed Viera was really good at faking being in love with someone.

Brand smirked at Khitti’s eagerness, then looked to the side, pondering. Slowly, the smirk faded, and a somber look took its place. “When I killed her, I had a lot more resources at my disposal than we do now. But if I need her help, killing her won’t do us any good, anyway. We might do better by offering her something of mutual benefit -- and the first thing that comes to mind is transport off that island. I’d be surprised if she really -wants- to stay there, alone for the rest of her life. And as for Cire, the offering is just… chaos. Putting a greater amount of chaos into the world than it had before. Loyalty isn’t really a concept Cire understands, as far as I know -- so if your victory over someone else will bring more chaos into the world, Cire will probably back you even if the other person has been a long-time follower.”

Khitti || “I think I’m past wanting to kill her. I get it. I get why she did it. I’d probably want to kill you too if I were in her shoes,” Khitti said with a shrug. “But, she went too far. If she’d been stupid enough to erase Dominic’s memories too, though, then yeah, she’d be dead.” He rolled off of Brand, stared at the ceiling and sighed, “It’s entirely possible though, that once we get there, I won’t want to punch her. I wanted to punch -you- for all of this after a while, but that went away too. I was so prepared to just yell at you and go to Frostmaw for a little while, but everything just kind of stops mattering when the person you love is literally dying in front of you, heh.” Of course, Brand knew this full well after Khitti’s own death. Tears filled Khitti eyes at the thought of Brand’s almost-death, so he turned his head and buried it in her arm to hide it and the blushing that came from the embarrassment of crying again. “I just really hate that she made me feel that way about her. It’s still there, somewhere, even though I know it’s not really real. It’ll probably go away eventually, but it just hurts right now and I have the want to beat the hell out of her for it, even if I don’t actually do it.” Khitti sniffled and wiped away the tears. “I think we might have to trick her into helping. She doesn’t know you’re not dead and she doesn’t know you can shift me back. I can lure her onto the ship by asking her to turn me back, in exchange for the ride out of there. Maybe Cire will take notice of that little bit of chaos, on the off chance that she wants to fight instead.”

Brand || "No, I actually think she’d be able to tell it wasn’t -her- shapeshifting magic that made you a guy." Brand frowned at the thought. "We should wait until I'm healed and go together, assuming I don't figure it out on my own before then. Because yeah, she doesn't know I'm dead, but I don't think we could keep it from her for long. She's always been freakishly good at reading people -- you could walk up to her and somehow she'd know right away. I guess you kind of have to be good at that if you're going to manipulate people's memories." Carefully, Brand rolled onto her side so she could wrap Khitti in a hug and shower him in kisses. "The pain's mostly gone, I think. Now I just have the normal everyday got-torn-open-and-almost-died pain."

Khitti just nodded. Brand knew more about this than he did, so he was going to trust her judgement. "Hey, you don't want to kiss me. I've got some extreme emotions right now and I think it's contagious," he said, smirking down at her. Yes, Khitti was aware that he went from sobbing to having a serious conversation to wanting to beat the hell out of someone and then right back to crying, all within the span of a very short time.

Both of Khitti's hands moved down to Brand's stomach and settled themselves there for a bit. That pearlescent healing magic shimmered into view on one hand, while the other was coated in a layer of shadow-ice, in an attempt to dull the pain and force along the Brand's healing. When he was done, Khitti opened his mouth as if to say something, thought better of it, and wrapped his arms around Brand, holding her tight.

Brand smirked back. "If it's contagious, I think you've already spread it. It's too late. We're doomed." She gave Khitti a few more kisses, but settled onto her back as he began healing her. It certainly felt good, but part of her suddenly wanted to cry again and she didn't quite know why. Stupid emotions. She held back as best she could, and when Khitti clearly had something he wasn't saying, she leapt upon the distraction. "No, what? What were you gonna say? Now I gotta know." She poked at whatever parts of him she could reach, as if to harass it out of him.

Khitti finished with the healing and squirmed as he was poked. “It’s nothing! Really!” But, Brand was persistent. Ultimately, he frowned and buried his head in her chest. “I want to have more kids,” he muttered. Something had stirred in both Khitti’s heart and mind when it seemed like Brand was dead and then came back. Things that were a ‘maybe’ for the past few years suddenly wanted to be a ‘definitely’. But this wasn’t the time to say it, even if he’d really wanted to--even if Brand had gotten it out of him anyway. He could feel his face getting hot, and likely getting as red as his hair. “But… we have some things to deal with, so there’s no point in talking about it right now, in case things go badly.” And it -could- go badly. “And even if things go well, we’d still have a lot of things to figure out about ourselves, before we should even be talking about that.” He sighed. He hated the fact that these urges from his biological clock were affecting him even in this form. It felt selfish and inconsiderate. Brand had literally just almost-died like a week ago! And was still healing and would probably still be healing for at least a couple more weeks.

Brand || This wasn’t the distraction Brand was hoping for, and she realized it as the tears spilled down her face. Again. Suddenly she understood why Khitti’s hands on her stomach had upset her. “I -- I want them, too. Even knowing everything Viera did was just a way to manipulate me into getting her a new body, I still feel the loss of all those children, and I don’t even know if any of them were real! I don’t even know how much of me feeling this way is real!” She was back into full-on sobs now, and she hated it. She clung to Khitti and cried until she could collect herself enough to speak again. “It -felt- real, though. It still feels real. The old me would be mortified at me saying this, but I was so -happy- to be pregnant. And now I just...” She took one of Khitti’s hands, moved it to her stomach, and placed her hand on top of it. “I feel like I was robbed of something precious and impossible to ever get back. This womb was ruptured beyond anything Lennier or any other healer could fix. If I can never shapeshift myself, it will never carry children again. And if I -can- eventually shapeshift myself, well… any kids we have should be yours to carry, by all rights. And that’s okay, because I know that’s how it’s supposed to be.” She sighed and wiped away the last of her tears. “I don’t know. I guess I’m just mourning for this other version of me, maybe. She didn’t deserve any of what happened to her.”

Khitti just held Brand as she cried and rested his head against hers. Now she understood, somewhat, what Khitti had been going through. “That’s why I ran away like I did, after that vision we had in Kelay, because of the necklace. It felt so real… And I knew there was no way I was going to be able to get you to understand--especially not with the way you were back then. You were too damn stubborn to really see anything in front of you. Dominic wouldn’t have understood either though,” Khitti said, pressing a kiss to Brand’s forehead. “So, I just had to go deal with it on my own. But, you don’t have to deal with it on your own, okay?” He sighed, staring off at the other side of the room, trying his best to not sound upset, lest it make Brand cry again. “I don’t think rights to anything like that mean anything anymore. Things have changed. Even if I want to, that doesn’t mean it’s fair to you. We don’t even know if what happened in that vision is even true anymore…” Tears welled up in Khitti’s eyes and his voice cracked a little as he spoke, despite his best efforts to keep it from happening. “Viera’s meddling took us off that path, I think.”

Brand || "Maybe," Brand said, frowning. "But I think you're right and we have other things we need to figure out before we worry too much about any of that. Maybe some of these problems will sort themselves out with time. I certainly wouldn't want to make any big decisions about kids while I'm not even sure which version of myself I want to be. For all we know, these feelings and memories could pass and we'll be more or less our old selves in a few weeks." Brand doubted that -- how could she just -forget- a whole other lifetime as detailed and vivid as the one she’d actually lived? -- but she felt like she needed to say it anyway. She fell silent for a time, wondering about it. If she could forget, did she even -want- to? Or was this version of her an improvement, this… existing as two selves with two pasts, even as confused and hurt as she was? And there were other possibilities, too. She could get Viera’s cooperation (doubtful) or improve at her new magic (less doubtful) to the point that they could have these memories purged or rewritten. Would she take that chance if it was offered to her? Should she?

Brand || Eventually, Brand sighed and squeezed Khitti’s hand again, three times fast. “Okay, this is really mushy, but frak it -- I’m gonna say it anyway. There’s one major thing that all these versions of ourselves and visions of our future have in common, and that’s each other. Even when Viera tried to take away your memories of me, I could tell a part of you was trying to remember. A part of you still missed me. We’ve -always- had our love for each other, no matter how much else changed, and even Viera’s meddling couldn’t put a stop to it, not really. So I guess what I’m saying is… we’ll be fine, as long as we stick together. We’ll figure it out. And… I’ll love you, no matter how we change or what our future looks like.” For once, the mushiness didn’t cause her to blush. The look in her eyes was fierce, determined. They -were- going to figure it out. And they were going to do it together. “Together or not at all. I promise.”

Khitti || It was Khitti’s turn to start full on sobbing again, thanks to Brand’s very uncharacteristic declaration of love (well, for old Brand anyway). She hadn’t said anything close to that since their wedding (except when they had their memories wiped) and it was just too much for Khitti. “Who are you and what happened to my Brand?” he said, jokingly through his tears. It wasn’t the first time he’d asked that Brand that. It always seemed to happen after some sort of major milestone in their relationship, like when Khitti’s amnesia went away or when they’d stopped being enemies and recognized their friendship. The waterworks eventually turned off again--well maybe not entirely--and Khitti was left to sniffle for a bit. Once he was certain he hadn’t turned into a giant snot goblin from all that crying, he kissed her.

Brand || It was at that moment that Brand knew: no, she wouldn't erase the memories of her 'other self', even if she could. Being open about her feelings was never something the old Brand had been good at, and thinking about all the unnecessary pain and hardship it had caused when being open felt so -easy- now… she knew she didn't want to go back, that any other complication of these tangled memories was worth that one single improvement. Khitti made Brand want to be a better person and a better spouse, and if this was what it took to make that happen… so be it. She kissed him back, and her heart leapt in her chest as if it were for the first time. She couldn't stop there. She would show him how much she loved him no matter what forms they took, this day and every day hereafter.