RP:Hollow Times Issue 6

Part of the Hollow Times Arc

Hollow Times Issue 6

AN INTERVIEW WITH THAT MOST PLEASANT FERMIN FELLOW SPLAG

First other news in brief.

BARKEEP LIVES A LIE

The Times has discoverd that the Kelay Tavern barkeeper, Mesthak, is not in fact a short human, as he has always claimed. We were shocked to discover that he is, in fact, and always has been, a dwarf.

KNOW YOUR ONIONS

Beware, next time you buy onions, they may not be what they appear. There is a despicable trade in counterfeit onions, carved from wood, being imported from Gualon. How to tell the difference. chop up your onion, if your eyes don't water, it is probably a fake.

SPLAG INTERVIEW

Sophie is convinced that this is the worst place one of the damned pixe reporters has ever led her. The stench is unbearable. Flannagan smiles at the guard. "I sir, am Erasmus Flannagan, eye in the sky reporter for the Hollow Times, this is my brother Daniel, and my secretary Sophie. Might we please request the honour of an interview with the leader of the painted ones."

The small brown Fermin eyed the interlopers confusedly, obviously not sure what he should do. After a few moments of stunned silence, he said to them in a quiet voice "wait.." and turned away and scampered back into the depths of the sewer seeking someone in charge.

The guard returns after a few minutes with a much larger black-furred Fermin following. This Fermin eyed them all carefully, looking for weapons, reinforcements or any other sign of danger. "Is you the workers, gonna fix the wall? You doesn't look like stone fixers to me."

Flannagan scribbles away in his notebook. "No sir, I am not a stonemason. I am a noble seeker after the truth, a newspaper reporter. I wish to do an interview to glorify your leader. Of course if you don't want that...I'll just write to him and inform him of your selfishness. Wanna keep the interview to yourself eh. What is your name please sir? He readies his notebook.

The large black Fermin just looks at the pixie. He starts to speak, then closes his mouth, then opens it again, but nothing comes out. ".... I is, uh... Jutle," he finally managed to reply, stuttering in confusion. "You, uh, wantsa talk to Speaker?"

Flannagan writes it down "Jutle...now Jutle when our newspaer gets flushed down the sewers will it tell of how efficiently you serve the speaker and how quickly you ushered these important guests into his presence. Or will is say that you are incompetent, a disgrace to all Fermin and kept the speaker waiting to see us?"

SJutle could barely understand half of what this buzzing pixie was saying to him, but it sounded important. Maybe they were from the Governor? He decided maybe it would be best to give them to Speaker and the Boss to talk to. "You wantsa come in, or they comes here?"

Sophie sighs as Flannagan replies "Please lead us to the Speaker, my good man." The elf really has no desire to see any more of these sewers.

Jutle turns and starts to lead the pixies and their servant deeper into the maze of sewer tunnels. The channels were all pretty clear of trash and the water flowed smoothly through, but the stench from the recent blockages was still strong in the air, making it difficult for surfacers to breathe occasionally. After what seemed like a mile of dark, wet tunnels, when sometimes Jutle's dark fur practically vanished in the shadows, he turned them into a room that was miraculously dry. The floor had a slight slant to it that kept the water out, although it did nothing for the air. "Wait here. I goes and gets them." He turns and scampers out of the room, heedlessly dragging his pink tail through the muck as he ran.

Sophie has to concentrate not to be physically sick. She is a little relieved to reach the dry room but still desperately tries to persuade Flanangan that maybe the speaker would like to do the interview on the surface.

Moments later, Jutle returned and stuck his head into the room, to make sure the outsiders hadn't set up an ambush or anything. Seeing the room was still safe, he backed up to make room for a smaller gray Fermin to enter. This one bore several bright splotches of paint on his face and head. It hadn't been obvious before with the other two Fermin, but thinking back, you remember noticing a single blotch on the guard's face, and several subtle colorations on Jutle's head. The gray walks into the room and sits up on its haunches and speaks to them, amazingly mostly clear of the lisp the other Fermin carry, although he does speak a bit slowly and haltingly. "You are from the Gofernorr? You have a message for us?" There is a rustle of some additional movement outside the doorway, but nothing visible happens.

Flannagan Patiently explains that he is here on important business for the newspaper. That he needs to do an interview to glorify their leader.

Speaker started arguing with the pixie over whether or not he was here on official business or if an interview of their leader was really necessary. Meanwhile, out in the tunnel a couple of other Fermin huddled in the damp murk and observed, occasionally making quiet jokes about how tasty those pixies must be. One of them, the only white-furred one, standing at the center of the group, found his attention caught by the woman accompanying the pixies. Startled, he thought he recognized her and moved forward, sticking his nose and face into the room, revealing the filthy white fur and multitude of colorful paint stripes on his head. "Sophie, izzat you? What you doing here?", he asked, his speech having gotten worse over last few months with no practice.

Sophie is startled "Hello Mr Splag." My children absolutely adore that stink cloak you made for them, thank you so much. I wonder if you can help me, my er 'friend' here would like to do an interview with the speaker for his newspaper." Sophie, diplomatically, does not add thta then she get get out of this gods forsaken sewer.

Splag nods. "For you I can talks to the pixie." With his entrance Speaker had stopped arguing with Flannigan and was watching Splag and waiting for instructions. Splag turns to face the pixies and sits up on his haunches and curls his pink tail around his feet. "What you wants ta ask me, pixie?"

Flannagan is delighted! "I hear that you are a great leader sir, could you tell me a little about your childhood, what led you to become the great Fermin you are today?"

Splag manages to look confused, his beady red eyes flickering back and forth between the other people in the room. "Whas kind of question is zat? What my youngling life gots to do with anything? I was born, I grew up, I did nots die. No one has killt me, and so I eventully gets a small band of my own."

Flannagan writes down. "Overcame great adversity, to become an extraordinary leader of Fermin! Speaks with wonderful eloquence about the noble destiny of Ferminkind." He then asks another question. "Is it true that you spent some time at Vuryal's engagement party conversing with the youngster Rowen. That she esploded a woman at said party, and that shortly after meeting you she was turned into a rat. Is this mere co-incidence?"

Splag grins at the memory, exposing needle-sharp teeth. "Oh yes. I heared about the rat spell. I hads nossink to do with that. But she dids do stuff there, also put paint on me. She make good rat I bet." He chuckles quietly to himself while watching the pixies hover around the room.

Flannangan writes in all down carefully. "Thank you that is very clear. What can you tell me of your Philosophy of government? Also are you able to confirm that the shark twins Nigel and Lirithen are the leaders of the planned undersea invasion of the land, and even of the sewers beneath the land?"

Splag tilts his head to one side in puzzlement, then looks at Sophie. "Is they okay in the head? Or is they making fun of me?" There is a distinctly unpleasant glint in his eyes as he asks the second question.

Sophie whispers to Splag. "I am afraid they are completely insane, the whole family some kind of hereditary madness. I assure you they don't mean any harm." The elf then has a terrible coughing fit, the stench is even worse over near Splag.

Splag grins and looks up at them with a calculating look before whispering back to her, "Anybody miss them if they not comes home? We been short food down here for while." Indeed, although it's not immediately obvious under their fur, none of the visible Fermin has any excess meat on them.

You looks shocked, "Mr Splag, please don't eat the poor insane pixies. I have some food, part of my merchant supplies in my pack, you may have. More filling than pixie."

You gave 2 chocolate pie to Splag. You gave 1 Leg-of-Boar to Splag. You gave 1 spit-roasted hog to Splag.