RP:A Gaping Hole

Part of the The Day I Tried To Live Arc

Summary: Meri invites Alvina over to deliver some heartbreaking news.

A Luxurious Townhouse, Larket

Word has not reached Meri's ears about any issues that Alvina and Hudson may be having. As far as the woman is aware, the best place to reach Alvina would be at her Cenril home. A quick note would be send to the woman with a request to meet and speak in an area that is private. Meri is not open to a luncheon outting for the conversation that she needs to be having with Alvina. The note would explain that she is more than welcome to come visit Meri at her home in Larket, or that Meri would be happy to drop by...but it is best that the woman have this conversation without the children present because it might upset them. That was not ominous at all, was it?

There would obviously have to be some sort of return correspondence from Alvina to determine the meeting location, date and time. One way or another, regardless of who travels to who, Alvina is going to be met with a somber and rather anxious looking Meri. The main difference was who was answering the door. Alvina at the Cenril mansion? Or Meri in the Larket townhouse.

Since Alvina wasn’t always home, and when she was her daughters were mostly around, she opts to visit Meri. In the back of her mind, she’s trying to prepare her heart for the worst. None of her correspondence implies any issue between Hudson and herself. Letters are hardly the place for important conversations, and even still she’s not sure she’s ready to talk about it since it’s her fault to begin with. In the carriage on the way over to Larket, Alvina is picturing this letter Pilar had received from Khitti that she’d seen when she was last in Chartsend. The obvious tones of her handwriting. The elegant sweep of her quill. It made her miss Meri, and Khitti, and for some strange reason Lionel. Perhaps because Khitti and the Knight Commander had been close. So when Alvina’s knuckles rest on the door, and this solemn looking Meri greets her, the bard’s face lights in a small panic. The small basket of muffins in her hands shifts uncomfortably. “May I come in?” She asks, as a way to start a conversation she is suddenly very sure she doesn’t want to have.

Meri and Alvina had a letter as well, it was unopened still because it was addressed to the both of them. That letter is currently resting on the dining room table along with a glass of wine for Alvina and a short glass of whiskey for Meri. The bottles that accompany these beverages are center on the table in case either lady feels inclined to have a refill. Meri would. "Of course," comes Meri's response in a rather glum tone, already she was feeling the words choke up her throat. It would be to this table that Meri leads Alvina, pulling out a chair for the bard and then one for herself immediately next to the woman. As nice as the three-story townhouse was, Alvina was not here for something happy like a tour. Meri just wanted to get this painful conversation over with, she was not looking forward to breaking Alvina's heart, not in the slightest. Meri frowns heavily as she waits for Alvina to get settled and then she reaches for the letter and pulls it closer to them, letting it sit between the two. "Uh, I mean you know that I was helping Khitti and Brand work to find a cure for her...And everything seemed to be going quite well...Until the end." Recounting those details is not something that Meri is particularly keen on doing, not unless Alvina presses for information. She is hoping that the redhead can read between the lines with what Meri is trying to get at here. "She left us a letter, as a goodbye..."

Alvina moves silently to the table, immediately reaching for the glass of wine so she can sip it. It’s sweet, made sweeter by the bitter taste of dread that coated her tongue. She saw the letter, the sting of Pilar’s all the more brilliant in her mind as she sat in the chair Meri provided without thanks or smile. Her emerald eyes are large and hopeful that Meri will say something optimistic. ‘Until the end…’. Alvina wants to press her, to ask if she really meant what she thought she meant because this didn’t make any sense. Khitti had Brand, and Meri, and Lionel by her side through all of this. Alvina had been there too, to fashion her bow and help her write the song she needed to advance. Her lips part, uttering silence vows that would request clarification if she could find the voice. Her tongue was already stained with wine. She could not. Her chest was heavy, knowing inside there would letters in Khitti’s hand to say some important message. Something she felt strong enough about to write them, together. Wasn’t it strange? Last time they met was in a restaurant. And they ate and drank and laughed. Discussed men. Expected more for their lives than this. Her pale fingers reach out to take the letter, feel the emotional and physical weight of the thing in her hands. It’s a thousand tons and her heart can’t hold it forever. Meri had been with Khitti before? “Should we open it?” Of course they should. “D-do you want to or should I?” Whatever is agreed upon, the letter will unfurl between them so they can both read the words within. Just seeing the way Khitti’s written their name clenches her throat. She’d reach for the wine glass she exchanged for the letter but her hands are trembling too much to keep it contained.

Meri reached out to open the letter, making the decision for the two women. The blonde artist was particularly ginger in opening this particular letter, she did not want to damage a single part of it if she could avoid it. Even the envelope was precious to her as it was a reminder of Khitti and something that she felt both she and Alvina should cherish. On a better day Meri would have smiling and rather talkative but today her mood was clearly beyond negative. As the letter is unfolded between herself and Alvina, Meri reads on in silence. Even once she is finished reading all she can do is stare at the words on the page in disbelief. She was witness to Khitti falling off a bridge, destroying both her nemesis and her sister in her shadow fire. All of people for such a thing to happen to, Khitti did not deserve it. She deserved to live. Alas, Meri is probably the worst person to receive this information from. What was she supposed to say? What was she supposed to do? She did not know or understand so she sat there in this awkward silence, waiting to see wait Alvina'a reaction to the words written in the letter would be. Meri? She might seem stoic with her silence but her eyes were definitely watering up. Again. Dammit, Khitti.

Alvina leans in to read the words therein, paying no mind to how close she gets to Meri in the process. They are sharing the same letter and the same space. The same silence. The same hope it’s not as it seems. Meri knows better that it is while Alvina is none the wiser. She re-reads it twice before she moves. Each pass inspiring a more panicked look. Khitti left? She sent a note and left? Her chest clenches, she’d sent letters to everyone...she must have. Pilar had one. She’d be willing to be Brand had one, Lionel...The bard turns her green eyes on Meri and doesn’t know what to say. ‘Please take care of each other.’ “I don’t understand.” She says, voice breaking. “Tell me she wrote this letters thinking she wouldn’t come back, but she is going to come back.” Her eyes are pleading in the face of Meri’s palpable sadness. She knew she was asking for a fiction instead of a truth. She wanted to believe, for an instant, it wasn’t really like it seemed. “Do you know?” She asked, maybe Meri didn’t. Maybe they could just hug each other and hope for the best. Wait for Khitti to come back, a cured Vampire. What even would that make her? Just human? The longer it takes Meri to reply, the more tears will sneak out of her eyes and glisten on her cheeks.

Meri bites down on the inside of her lip and slowly shakes her head from side to side. She would not come back. How could anyone come back from that? There is indeed a very long and silent moment before Meri gives her answer, Alvina's cheeks would have plenty of time to be salted by her tears. Tears would even start to form in Meri's light blue eyes, for her mind could not help but travel back to everything that she had witnessed in that night. She would be needing that tea Cal had made for her again tonight, red lips twist into a hard frown. Not only was Meri dwelling once more on what happened to Khitti, she was also fighting with how much of the details she should give sweet Alvina. Surely she would rather not know the whole story? Meri is not sure she would be able to get through the whole story. "We were all four fighting over on the bridge between Cenril and Kelay." There would be many pauses in this story for Meri would need time to collect herself enough to speak. "There were so many undead, they all came out of portals. It wasn't just...that hulking zombie freak. I mean it really felt like the odds were stacked against us." Even with Lionel and Brand. "But things really took a turn for the worse and....I mean I am not sure how anyone could survive." This pause would come with Meri draining her glass of whiskey in one hard drink, trying to work up the nerve to confess."We don't even have any remains...She's just...gone." Refill, please. Meri reaches for the bottle and pours another (un)healthy serving for herself. Another mouthful of the amber liquid, before Meri repeats, "We failed her and she is gone."

Alvina is holding her breath as the urge to sob knocks against the inside of her chest, slowly at first but then with building force. It spikes, this boundless ache as Meri begins to speak. Every pause is a lifetime, stars are born and die in the skies overhead and Alvina is still holding her breath. As the story advances, muscles in her face, above the curve of her cheek bone and around her eyes start to twitch anxiously. Her lips work in the silent forming of a singular word. No. With no air with which to give her thoughts life, she exhales a weighted sob. Her mind can’t help but flash back to the moment she met Khitti, in Frostmaw Towers. They ate tarts and shared secrets. Two strangers that became like sisters so quickly. There hadn’t been enough -time-. Isn’t that always the feeling that death brings? That we’d have been satisfied by one more letter or one more cafe meeting to awkwardly discuss their love lives? What it equates to is not getting to say goodbye. Maybe Alvina would think about it, and realize that later. When was the last time they were all together? At the wedding? Alvina’s head has collapsed into her hands as Meri takes her dose of whiskey and loads another proverbial bullet into the chamber. She hears the glass hit the table, the liquid splashing against it’s interior. She hears Meri’s next words like a shot, her eyes ringing and head aching in it’s aftermath. She finds enough breath to protest. A weak “No….” dripping off her lips. Then she can’t help it, she’s sorry Meri. Her wet palms pull away from her eyes and she threads them around Meri in a heart rending embrace. ‘We failed her…’ It’s in every beat of her heart, slicing through flesh and bone until her insides no longer serve purpose. ‘She is gone’.

Making Alvina cry was the last thing that Meri wanted to do, but this was one of those subjects. These words needed to be spoken, heard, and Alvina needed to know what had happened to Khitti. Meri wished with all of her heart and soul that she could have said something else. Anything else. 'We were successful with the cure but Khitti lost an arm in the process and is under medical care right now.' Anything outside of 'she is dead'. In most cases and with most people, Meri would not respond well to the tears. It is a definite weak point for her, not being able to fully process how to respond to people's more vulnerable emotions (she has trouble dealing with her own as it is). There were a few exceptions to the rule, a few people close enough to Meri that she was actually comfortable enough to attempt to comfort. Alvina was one of them. The redheaded bard wraps her arms around Meri and that hug does not go unreturned. Meri gives Alvina a tight squeeze, but says nothing else. What could Meri possibly add to make things better? Just kidding? April fools? This is just one elaborate prank? No, there were no words to be had. Just two women clinging to one another, both in tears and both mourning the loss of one of their more precious friends.

Alvina continues to cry, locked in this embrace with Meri until her heart heaves and all the tears that could come stain her face and neck. Her tear ducts burn with want for more but as deep as her misery runs, it’s not enough to draw blood in place of water. The bard wishes it could. Her sorrow feels unsatisfied. She sniffles, forehead tucked down against Meri’s shoulder, hands gripping at her friend’s back. She felt a bitterness towards them, that they couldn’t save her but it’s brief and mostly directed at Lionel and Brand. Wasn’t Brand her love? Wasn’t Lionel her brother?! Hadn’t they faced and surmounted impossible odds before?! The anger burns out quickly, leaving her more hollow and depleted than before. She draws a ragged breath and lets her arms slack on Meri’s clothes and tries to right herself. She’s dizzy, light headed...drunk on sorrow. “I know you did all you could…” She offered, to reassure Meri. She looked to be wearing a mask of blame, her words carrying the connotation. “I’m glad you all were with her until the end…” Her words catch in her throat on sobs that won’t come and she swallows hard. What do they do now without her?

There were plenty of times where Meri could be quite the conversationalist, usually the subject matter was trite.(...or she was trying to pry information out of people.) This was not one of those moments, but really what else could she say? There were no words that could fall past Meri's lips that could make this situation right for either woman. "I am sorry." A more charming person might have more to say. A story about Khitti, perhaps? Something light and humorous 'remember that time' that might elicit some sort of laugh (and probably a few more tears) to try and help liven the mood? Meri was in a depressed enough state that nothing was coming, she did not even have the nerve to try and fake it. From here, Meri would fall silent for what feels like forever to her, staring at the few drops of whiskey that linger in her cup. A refill of that cup of whiskey and then she would finally say, "If you would like to keep the letter? I do have a picture she drew..." Meri had a keepscape of Khitti, so if Alvina wanted a memory then the letter was hers.

Alvina wasn't sure what else she could say. She drew back tearfully to regard the last correspondence they would ever have with Khitti and nodded only after Meri said she had her own momento. It felt like a moot point to say she'd rather just have Khitti back so she takes the paper and folds it delicately. Like it's glass that she's bound to trip and shatter. The bard sniffles and pats Meri's shoulder, trying to gain strength. "She wanted us to stick together..." Not that Alvina wouldn't have offered this even without Khitti's encouragement but... "That means you can't become a stranger now, you know." It was like she was trying to tell both of them, they couldn't just vanish into the pit of their misery. They had to stay above water, no matter how tough. If not for themselves, than each other. Khitti's orders. "We're sisters." They had been forming that bond before Khitti but now it was solidified. They were kin. Of the same kind. Maybe Meri's life would take her elsewhere or maybe it was Alvina who would find a different path. The bard hoped they could remain together and foster a deep friendship in the days ahead but time is fickle and never grants our wishes. No amount of wishing can change the past. Alvina sniffs again and moved to stand. "I'm going to go... Process this... But don't hesitate to write me. I'll... Come by soon to visit okay?" She smiles, meaning to do just that. "She was loved, Meri. That's all we can ask for in this life. To go with the love of those who know us. To know we aren't alone." And then she hugs Meri one last time for good measure, pressing her lips to the other woman's cheek before departing. They were one woman weaker. The hole the vampire left was gaping. It may never be filled.

Part of Meri felt like promising Alvina that she would not be going anywhere, but given the loss of their friend it seemed to Meri like those words might be empty. Her words are selected carefully, wanting to assure Alvina of something but not wanting to speak hollowed words. "We're sisters, and we are going to stick together." As much as two individuals who had their own jobs, and babies too in Alvina's case, could short of being joined at the hip. "Take some time to process this. I will definitely write to you soon and you are always welcome to come by whenever you would like." That hug is reciprocated before Alvina is allowed to depart.