Muffins, Muffins Everywhere!

While they started as a little one-off gag that Taikahn's player pulled, these feisty little baked goods have become a recurring villain in his character's RPs and now he wants to share his taste treats with you! If you're ever in need of a little chaos, or a rampaging creature of some kind, or some way of demonstrating your character's skills on something while being humorous-yet-totally-serious about it, just have one of these appear from out of nowhere. I guarantee you it'll be fun.

The History

So one day, Taikahn decided to do some baking, right? But instead of using yeast or baking soda or whatever it is that makes muffins rise, he tried a different compound he discovered one day by accident that appeared to have the same sort of properties. Turns out, that compound was actually a heat-activated spore that turned the muffins into little toxic-tentacled killers that leaped out of the oven and chased Taikahn around his house. Thinking quickly, he tried jumping through his portal to Hollow and leaving it open for them to follow him through, where he hoped the change in physics would kill them.

It didn't.

While the preklek did discover that throwing pies from Hollow at them is in fact lethal, the fact that the muffins were exposed to portal travel while still fresh caused a few to gain the ability to portal themselves. These few escaped.

And began baking more of themselves.

They entirely took over an island, and via various portalling about managed to gather up different ingredients. And now there are even different flavors to be worried about, which I will cover shortly.

Taikahn experiences them almost anywhere--since they can portal themselves around, they don't have limitations as to where they are. Meaning that if you want to have one appear, be my guest.

The Flavors

• Blackberry: The original batch and now the 'hive queens', so to speak, blackberry muffins tend to rebake themselves huge--the size of a large elephant. Their blood and tentacles are very very poisonous, causing an immune system failure and putting a halt to the target's natural cycle of healing. They are the ones with the ability to open wormholes, as well as shoot beams of pure energy capable of incinerating smaller targets. Avoid at all costs.

• Apple: The most common muffin flavor and easiest to create, apple muffins are typically the size of a person and have only the power to recover very swiftly from nonlethal wounds. They aren't even venomous. Rather easy to kill, if you can do it right.

• Cinnamon: Out of all the flavors, none surpass the cinnamon in terms of cruelty. Its venom causes a pain like being burned with magma from the inside out, and this venom is delivered through hooks which are designed to enter smoothly and exit with very bloody wounds. One tentacle in particular is actually a proboscis with a needle that is used to drain all moisture from a being. They have excellent camouflage on most terrains but are physically the smallest kind of muffin, topping out at about the size of a wolf. Catch them in the open before they get the drop on you, and the battle will be yours.

• Chocolate: Large, slow, but heavily armed and armored, the rhinoceros-sized chocolate muffin is coated in rock-solid dark-chocolate goodness. It is capable of hurling needles the length of a man's forearm at a target and can spawn small hordes of flying chocolate scones from its back. The scones are capable of reinforcing the muffin's shell by exploding all over it and rapidly hardening, or smothering foes by swarming them and sticking to their bodies like glue. Or some combination of the two, hardening on a foe in an attempt to immobilize them. Like the apple, the chocolate is nonvenomous and even tastes pretty good once defeated. We suggest staying away from this one too, but it seems to fear fire to some degree. Use this to your advantage.

• Sweet: Sweet muffins are unpredictable little creatures, between the size of an apple and a cinnamon. They're capable of turning transparent to the point of near-invisibility and, for short periods of time, can move so fast that it's nigh-impossible to keep up with them. While nonvenomous, the sweet muffin has another odd ability--it can roll into a ball and stick to things, like dirt or plant matter, and roll about growing in size like some impossible and deadly snowball, typically aiming to flatten or absorb its target. It can't speed-jump while snowballing, though, and it takes time for it to grow, so watch for it and be swift when the time comes.

• Peach: You won't ever have to worry about this monstrosity unless you decide to invade their homeworld like Taikahn did once. It's a massive, immobile muffin capable of storing other kinds of muffins inside of it. It also has a very large number of very pointy tentacles tunneling just below the surface, and is known for defending itself by stabbing upwards, taking a victim almost entirely by surprise. No plausible ways of defeating it without magic or explosives have been devised yet, so don't go invading any homeworlds.

• Banana-Nut: These muffins spray a goo containing a cultivated microorganism that reacts to pressure, motion and air, causing things that touch the goo to accelerate to ludicrous speeds. The goo is very slippery, and therefore maneuvering on it is next to impossible. The goo also contains nutrients and a powerful growth hormone, and the muffins have the ability to drop spores into it which take root in the ground and grow into entirely new banana-nut muffins at a very rapid rate. Advice--deal with them as swiftly as possible.

• Blueberry: No information on this unknown flavor of muffin is available at this time. Proceed with caution.

• Raisin: No information on this unknown flavor of muffin is available at this time. Proceed with caution.