RP:We Didn't Start The Fire

From HollowWiki

Summary: A pot of fondue and deep-fried mushrooms leads to the announcement of Brand's surprise: he's saved up enough money to afford a nice venue for their wedding! This, of course, leads to the flames of love to be reignited (seriously, it doesn't take much with these two). Unfortunately for KhittiBrand, their couch is suddenly attacked by a Blaziken! Okay, not really. Turns out Dominic's as much of a firebug as his parents. #RIP anything flammable.

♪KhittiBrand didn't start the fiyah♪ (for once in their lives)

The Apartment Above The Ginger Snapped Bakery, Cenril

Brand || It was a dreary winter Tuesday, and Brand had holed himself up in the apartment connected to Khitti’s bakery, to read the rain away. His Tikifhlee had long ago given up any hope of sunbeams and was curled at his feet. Rain came down through the chimney and did battle with the fire that burned there, neither ever quite winning out over the other. But he was a world away from all the gloom, nestled in a mountain of blankets and enraptured in his copy of Fantastic Fungi and Where to Find Them.


Khitti || It’s a wonder that Brand was able to do all that reading, really. Khitti was snoring away in bed, even talking to herself now and then. “No, Lionel. You can’t use Hellfire in the kitchen. You’ll set the Brand on fire.” Cue a lot of grumbling and a bit of flopping around in the bed, in a failing attempt to get comfortable. “Setting the Brand on fire is my job, damn it.” Khitti was clearly very upset about this. Don’t take her job, Lionel. First of all, rude. “Go put Dominic in the bathtub. He wants to be a mermaid. He’s allowed to do this.” The redhead drooled a bit on her pillow, struggled to wipe it off her face, and promptly went back to snoring.


Brand lightly massaged the crown of Khitti’s head. His gaze only briefly lifted off the book, just long enough to bring a strand of her hair away from her face. “That’s some top notch mom-ing. And maybe if the kid’s a mermaid, he can put the fire out after you set me ablaze.” They have water powers or something, right? Yeah. They do now.


Khitti || Some mermaids do! So, maybe Brand’ll get lucky. They never did see if that mermaid that saved Khitti had any abilities--besides inadvertently wooing Khitti that is. “If I set you on fire, no one’s putting it out ‘cause you probably deserved it,” the redhead said at length, the bit of a massage on her head having woken her up. She yawned, rubbed her eyes, then flopped over onto Brand, one arm over his middle and her head on his chest. “You’d think the weird dreams would go away after all the super-grim-dark stuff had been taken care of. S’pose -I’m- just the weird one,” she said with a smirk.


Brand || “What? You? Weird? Never,” Brand replied, smirking back. “And I never deserve it. I am completely free of any wrongdoing. As innocent as the day I was born.” He gave some side eye toward Dominic’s room. “Which is to say, 100%. In case that needed clarifying. The sprout, on the other hand… well, with a first word like ‘frak,’ chances are not as good.”


Khitti poked Brand on the forehead, then rolled off the bed. “Innocent? You? Ha!” Bare feet brought her over to their dresser, where moments later, Khitti was rummaging through a drawer. “If this Dominic’s anything like the first one, then he’s going to be nothing but innocent. Then again…” She squinted in thought as she eyed one of her dresses, “He was also as much of a pain in the ass as you are. This does not bode well for my future.” Clothes were removed in a not at all sexy fashion, tossed into a pile in the corner, and new ones put on. “The minute he becomes a teenager, I’m casting you both out. You and him can live on the ship, and I’ll live here.”


Brand || “Oh, good. I’ll put him to work and throw him overboard if he doesn’t pull his weight. The one true pirate way.” You’re… not a pirate, Brand. “Are you heading downstairs?” It’s a simple enough question, but what he really means is: will you get me breakfast?


Khitti || “No. If I go downstairs, I’m going to get roped into helping and I don’t really feel like it today. Why?” It didn’t even occur to Khitti that he might be hungry and instead assumed he wanted something else. “I just put on clean clothes, you’re not getting me out of them that quickly,” she said, spinning around on her heels to face him again.


Brand || Cue the eyebrow waggling. “No, that’s not why. I have a different kind of hunger. A hunger for…” He held up his book. “Mushrooms. Apparently there’s this thing called fondue that we need to try. Hear me out. So, mushrooms are already delicious, right? But then you carve them hollow, fill them with some kind of spread, cover the hole with batter, and fry them. Fondue.” His expression was as grave as the dead. “I need this thing.”


Khitti let out a ‘hm’. “I can prooobably make this work.” With it being Khitti, there was plenty in that pantry and ice box to make practically everything--it helped that both were somewhat bigger on the inside. She disappeared into the kitchen, attempting to make as little noise as possible as she rooted around for the various ingredients Brand listed off. “What the heck is that spread stuff that’s put in the mushrooms? Any clue?”


Brand referenced his book again. “This thing recommends garlic, cheese, butter, and seasoning. Sounds good to me.” And somewhere in here is a joke about it being good Khitti isn’t a vampire anymore. “And then it’s heated up in oil. Or more cheese. And then you eat it.” Hopefully -after- letting it cool down a bit first. But knowing Brand, probably not.


Khitti || “Okay!” This was definitely a nice change of pace for Khitti, after all the things she’d been through lately. How long had it been since she cooked for Brand like this? Not since before Dominic, at least. “Hey! Get in here and help me.” Sorry, Brand. If you want mushrooms, you gotta work too. “Take out the stems on these mushrooms and then put it in this bowl, with this cheese and garlic and herbs. Then mix it all together.” As he did that, she’d get started on putting two pots on the stove and filling them: one for the oil and one for the fondue.


Brand started humming a song while he set about doing all of the things. He was through his fourth repetition when he interrupted himself with a, “Dammit. The frakkin’ kid’s got his chicken song stuck in my head again. How does he keep doing that? I don’t understand. I hear it -once- and get it stuck in my head for a week straight.”


Khitti smirked and bumped into his side gently with her hip--it was much more tame compared to another Peach who liked to butt-bump people off cliffs, “It’s cute, even if it does get old after awhile. He wants to share things he likes with you. I’m sure those particular things will change and get better in time and you’ll have more in common. Unless he ends up like me. In that case, you’re royally screwed.” She shrugged and threw a couple different blocks of cheese in the bigger pot, along with a bit of white wine and various spices.


Brand || “-Royally- screwed? I didn’t know you were a princess.” He’s in on the butt-bumping joke. “Aw frak, does this mean I’m gonna have to start acting like a nobleman again? I thought I was done with that life.” Khitti receives a bow with a heavy flourish, but the ridiculous look on his face takes away from any appearance of propriety.


Khitti || “Ugh. There you go again, being all fancy and weird, just because you grew up in the city.” Khitti picked up a mushroom and bounced it off his head. “You’d fit right in a lot better than I do at all these fancy balls and parties that Lanara hosts. I’m just an uncultured country girl from the mountains, you know. People can’t stand to be around me.” Nevermind the fact that growing up in the city, for Brand, wasn’t pleasant at all, and that Khitti really wasn’t some dumb hick, as most would assume of people with her sort of background. Some of the cheese spread was scooped up with her finger and then immediately popped into Brand’s mouth, “How’s it taste?”


Brand flailed his hands in the air until he caught the errant mushroom. Couldn’t let something so delicious go to waste. He shoved it into his mouth right before Khitti added some cheese spread to the mix. “Mmf awwfum.” He gives a thumbs up, in case him speaking with his mouth full doesn’t translate properly.


Khitti || Look, Khitti’s not evil. But right now, she’s -really feelin’ it- and decided to make a joke while he had his mouth full. Hopefully Brand doesn’t choke. “You’ve said that before… When was that? Oh right it was when you--” Insert things that shouldn’t be said in front of a child here--you know… -Naughty things-. She’d whisper those things, wiggle her eyebrows a bit, and then got back to stuffing those mushrooms ever so carefully before dipping them in batter and popping them into the oil.


Brand chokes. But only a little. And he recovers pretty quickly, all things considered. Now, if it had been the original Dominic, on the other hand… the kid’s face would have been a bright scarlet, and he probably would have melted into a puddle or exploded or something. Brand gets by with just a faint reddening of his cheeks. “Dammit, Khitti. Do you want a second kid? Cuz this is how we end up with a second kid. And I’m still gettin’ used to having the first one.”


Khitti || “Two kids,” Khitti said, trying not to laugh into fondue as it started to bubble a little. “We would end up with two kids.” Oh yeah. She didn’t forget about the fact that since Dominic was born exactly the way he looked in their shared dreams, that it was incredibly likely that they’d have twin girls next. “You’re pretty lucky it hasn’t happened yet, since we’ve both been so busy with work.” And getting kidnapped and mind-controlled by a mind flayer. Don’t forget that. The mushrooms were scooped out and allowed to dry and cool off a bit on a plate covered by a towel (they were old and didn’t need all that grease, you know), while Khitti took the melted cheese over to the table. “You -did- seem to be alright with having more than just Dominic, last time we talked about it,” she went on, with a smirk, “But, I think you just mostly like the fact that I filled out a bit more weight-wise and you had more to, uh, get all handsy with.”


Brand’s past as part of a split consciousness became apparent here. He was smirking right back, but there was just the faintest hint of red in his cheeks that would be more appropriate for the original Dominic to have. He tried to mask it with his trademark double finger guns. “Well, y’know, I figure we let the first one grow up a bit more first. Dealing with two or three kids all under the age of five seems… problematic.” Not to mention, Brand liked to at least -pretend- he still had some semblance of a life, post-children.


Khitti found it entirely adorable when Brand blushed. It had definitely been cute on Dominic 1.0 but there was just something about a super tsundere person getting all red and embarrassed that amused Khitti. The 'shrooms were brought to the table and Brand pushed into a chair, that redhead of his planting her butt right in his lap moments later. "Are you sure? Your cheeks turning red say otherwise." She offered him a completely innocent grin while plucking up a mushroom and dipping it into the cheese with a fork. "I think you might be in the clear though. I don't have any feeling one way or the other about having more right now. I think you've managed to sate that particular craving, albeit accidentally." The fork and 'shroom combo sat in front of his mouth, waiting for him to open it; she was attempting to be cute and feed Brand like he's royalty or something. Being a captain was close enough, yeah?


Brand might be in heaven right now. A beautiful woman in his lap, feeding him delicious food? Yeah. Heaven. He tried to tell her as much, but his mouth was stuffed full of mushrooms and it came out all garbled. There -was- something he could say that wouldn’t require words, though. Something he could fish out of his pocket and show to Khitti. Something long overdue. He’d hand an envelope over to her without another word, still chewing through his mouthful of mushrooms. His grin and the elaborate lettering on the label should be able to say enough. “To the future Mr. and Mrs. Herzegler… your invoice and the details of your wedding venue are within.” When he could finally speak again, Brand added, “I’ve been savin’ up for frak knows how long. I know we’d said we’d keep things small, but there’s no reason it can’t be small -and- a little bit fancy.”


Khitti was sure Brand had forgotten. How long had it been since he proposed and nothing had been said about it since? He handed over that envelope, she stared at it and as he spoke, a hand quickly went to his mouth to cover it once he managed to finish that last sentence, “Shut up. If you talk anymore, I’m going to cry.” She’d been wondering when they were going to get around to the marriage thing, if ever. Maybe they were just doomed to stay engaged forever? At least, that’s what she’d thought up until now. Khitti was nice enough however to let him have use of his mouth again as she picked up another mushroom, dipped it in cheese, and shoved it into his mouth. “If someone would’ve told me 3 years ago, that you and I were engaged, and that you not only were the one to propose, but also saved up enough money to get us a really nice venue… I think I would’ve shot them in the face, like I almost did Dominic that first day we met.” Despite those words of hers, the tears were still coming. They’d not quite spilled over yet, but they were definitely threatening to do so. The envelope was set on the table, crimson brows knitting together as she then eyed Brand again, “Are you sure?” Somehow, despite the proposal and now this, she was still somewhat unsure of whether or not Brand wanted to do this, that he wasn’t just doing it to keep her happy.


Brand swallowed another bite of mushroom and shrugged. “Would I have done it if I wasn’t sure?” He wasn’t the type to spend money without having thought it through. The oodles of boring ledger books he kept in the situation room were testament to that. “Our reservation covers several different venues owned by the same people. I figured I’d let you decide which one and we can pick a date from there.” A smile cracked his lips as he added, “preferably -before- the sprout gets old enough to demand he come along for the honeymoon.”


Khitti || If this was an anime, Khitti would have giant heart eyes right about now. She didn't have words for Brand and instead showed her gratitude for all of his hard work by giving him one of those nice, sexy kisses that usually led to -other things-. During what was to be a very brief make-out session, something was flung out from Dominic’s room. The unidentified flying object flew straight into the living room and landed right on the couch.


Khitti || No big deal, right? Nah. Except that the object was on fire. That chicken song their child loved so dearly began to play, but as the chicken melted, the sounds coming from it was like something you'd find in the Shadow Plane--completely horrifying.


Khitti didn't even notice it right away. She was too busy smooching her man. Meanwhile, the couch was now on fire, and giggling was coming from the sprout's room."Huh. Do you smell that? I think they might've burnt something downstairs," she said at length, finally prying her lips from his.


Brand felt himself heating up. Oooh, this kiss was steamy. His brain was going down through the gutter and straight into the seven hells, and -- sniff, sniff. “Yeah, that’s not food burnin’, that’s the smell of something burnin’ that ain’t supposed to be.” His gutter-thoughts temporarily forgotten, Brand raced out of the room to find the source of the flames. His head darted this way and that, looking for smoke or that telltale crackling firelight. Soon enough, he’d find the couch. The wall behind it was starting to catch, too. Brand gave silent thanks to his elementalist training and doused the couch in a cube of clear blue water. The chicken floated up from the scorched couch remains and made googly eyes at him. He scowled back. This is your fault, chicken.


Khitti just kinda stared at the fire as Brand put it out. “H-how did that even happen?! It’s just a stuffed animal with an enchant on it!” Her right eye twitched somewhat as she heard an ever familiar crackling sound, like logs thrown into a hearthfire. “What the f-” The redhead turned around to find yet another fire started--this time on Dominic’s crib--with Dominic jumping up and down with glee, yelling ‘frak’ as many times as he could in one breath, ultimately finishing his mother’s sentence. Khitti let out a very comedic shriek, complete with flailing hands a la Dominic 1.0, and ran into the kid’s bedroom to “rescue” him. Dominic, of course, didn’t think he needed rescuing… and promptly started crying once his mother took him away from his precious flames.


Brand plucked the singed toy chicken from out of the cube of water, then let the water dissipate. He pushed one of its eyeballs back into its chicken skull and then handed the toy back to Dominic, who stopped crying long enough to bash it into his mother’s neck. With a sigh and a lazy wave of his hand, Brand doused the crib the same way as he had the couch. “Alright, kid, you’re grounded.” Man, he was gonna have so much fun with that phrase and earth element puns once the kid got old enough to actually understand what he was saying. “So, uh.” He gave Khitti some side-eye and a wry smile. “I’m guessin’ there’s a book out there somewhere about raisin’ a kid with magic?” This was one problem So Your Life Is Over hadn’t covered.


Khitti was really, strangely, twitchy right now. Well, she was until Dominic hit her with the toy--clearly, he’d changed his mind on who to bash with the damned thing. “What did I do to deserve this? Am I a bad mother?” She turned and shoved their kid at Brand, “Was it because I was away for so long? Is it too late to go back on all of this? We gotta bring back Onyx and we gotta tell them to go back in time and tell us not to have kids, no matter what my idiot past self says.” Now she was starting to sound like Brand used to on the topic of kids. “I have no idea how to deal with this. He’s going to set my bakery on fire. And then he’s going to set the ship on fire. And then we might as well give him to Kahran to help set the world on fire.” Was there books on this? Probably. “I guess I’ll have to see if there -is- any books on this. But… aren’t kids usually older than -this- when they start showing magical abilities? For once, this is something I know nothing about. T-there wasn’t anything like this in those dreams of ours!” Okay. Khitti was definitely starting to panic now.


Brand rested a hand on one of Khitti’s shoulders. “Deep breaths, peach. He’s not gonna set the world on fire. It’s gonna be okay.” Was it, though? Brand wasn’t as sure as he sounded, but he couldn’t afford to have Khitti start hyperventilating right now. “One step at a time. We can’t possibly be the first people this has happened to. We just need to… not let him out of our sight until we’ve figured it out.” That was it. Y’know, easy. If he didn’t need sleep. Or alone time. Or to run his ship. Or any number of other things that wasn’t “stare at your child 24/7 to prevent the apocalypse.” Yep, this was KhittiBrand’s kid, all right.


Khitti took in a deep breath, as if she were a fish that’d been out of water for entirely too long, but finally got thrown back into the ocean. “I think I’d be more okay with things if he’d gotten that water magic his predecessor had for awhile.” She eventually sighed and smooched Dominic’s cheek, “Look, kid. Please don’t set our stuff on fire. We live here. And we like living here. And we can’t afford a new place right now.” They could, technically, if they had the chance to get that money back that Brand used to find them a nice venue for the wedding. But, Khitti didn’t want to think about that. “And, no setting your dad’s ship on fire. There’s only one thing worse than Kahran and mindflayers and that’s an angry Brand. I should know. I’m an expert on making him mad.” She nodded, more at herself than her kid, as if she were inwardly congratulating herself on all the times she’d pissed Brand off. She side-eyed that Catalian of hers with a slight frown, “I think we’re going to have to start teaching him things a lot sooner than we might’ve liked. It’s the only way we’ll be able to sleep at night without worrying about whether or not we’ll die in a fiery blaze. Guess it’s about that time anyway to start teaching him a lot. Talking properly, walking, eating solid foods...” Khitti just didn’t expect it to all be at once. Sigh.


Brand || While Khitti spoke, Brand tapped a finger to his lips, deep in thought. Dominic paid no mind to his dad’s stare, just continued smacking anything he could reach with his precious chicken. “I have an idea…” he said after a time, “...but he’s not gonna like it.” He went on to explain the slaver’s band he’d had on his wrist during his time with the Daggers, and the ways in which it had limited his magical ability. “I’m sure your enchantress friend in Kelay could whip something similar up, if we tell her what we need it to do. Or even some kind of monitoring bracelet so we don’t have to be in the room to know when he’s using magic. Right now, he’s too young for training.”


Khitti’s eyes got all wide at the brilliant idea Brand had. “This is why I love you. You’re so smart,” she declared, giving him a smooch as well. “If it’s got chickens etched into or painted on it, he’ll wear -anything-.” Yes. Goood, gooood. “I can’t begin to tell you how many times I’ve had to separately wash that chicken shirt of his, just so he can wear it as many times a week as he possibly can.” It was pretty much every single day, when she had time. The other times? Yeah. He wasn’t happy. “For now, though… what the heck are we going to do about it? You think he’s gonna be able to use the other elements too.” Cue the wide-eyed look again. “Oh no. What if he end up being able to use dark magic too? After that mess with Facilier especially...”


Brand blinked down at his kid, who was busy blowing a snot bubble. “Doesn’t look particularly dark to me,” he mumbled. But of course, appearances could be deceiving. One wouldn’t think a baby his age would be able to almost burn down an entire building, either, but clearly… “I think we make an appointment with your friend ASAP. And in the meantime, I think we’re gonna have to sleep in shifts or something. Someone will have to stay awake and with him until we get this under wraps…” There goes any hopes for sexy times in the foreseeable future.


Khitti || Crimson brows furrowed at the mention of sleeping in shifts, “But we did enough of that when he was born!” Sigh. Khitti thought she was well past that stage. Damn it, kid. Why did you have to be a firebug like your parents?! “Fine.” Pause. Khitti was also definitely thinking about how they’d miss out on sexy times, “I say we get Dozla to babysit him later today, if there’s nothing going on ship-wise. Cause, uh… we have things to talk about… like venues… and kissing… and…” Do you see where this is going, Brand? Gotta get that much needed sexy times in now before it disappeared from your life for a few days.


Brand was very much on board with what Khitti was saying, as evidenced by all the eyebrow waggling he did in response. “Yeah. Dozla. She’s handled worse than a little tyke like him.” He thought, anyway. She shared horror stories of childcare with all the pride of an old combat veteran. And she could handle a blaze if it came to that, too. “Alright, sprout, what say you hang with your Aunt Dozla later today, hmm?” Dominic giggled, drool dripping down his chin. “I’m gonna take that as a ‘yes.’”


Khitti smirked at Brand’s eyebrow waggling. Imagine how silly he’d looking doing that if she shaved off his eyebrows! She wouldn’t do that though; she liked his eyebrows. “Well, I s’pose we might as well finish eating first. Maybe we could see if he wants to try a mushroom with cheese...” This whole kid thing was suddenly much more of a hassle than Khitti’d anticipated. It’s too bad Brand never knocked that “fairy-tale happy ending” nonsense of her head before having a kid ended up being a thing. Oh well. At least they still somehow managed to have a life despite that… even if it was only for ten minutes at a time most days.


♫We didn't start the fire. No, we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it.♫ -- Billy Joel