RP:Saving Your Place

From HollowWiki

Summary; Alvina visits Hudson's mother to see if she can get some answers about his behavior and out of the blue decisions. In classic E.L. Fashion, the older woman leaves them alone to discuss things. Hudson almost bends and tells Alvina the truth, but in the end nothing changes. They part ways with the discussion of him retrieving his things in the future.


Upscale House in Cenril

Alvina spent the next couple days just sleeping. No one came to call on her and she wasn’t in a state of mind to take care of herself. Aria had even given up on trying to be fed and wiggled her way into her food container under the counter to eat when she felt like it. Otherwise, the little black cat was situated firmly on Alvina, who had left the couch on only two occasions, and both of them were to the bathroom and back. Everything in the house looked false somehow, and those two trips away from the couch and out of sleep felt like a walking dream. If she tried hard enough, she could imagine that Hudson was asleep in bed, waiting for her. Or in his addition, lifting weights or studying Alchemy. She could close her eyes and conjure up the smell of his skin on the pillows and blankets and somehow it was like they weren’t apart. Like they hadn’t broken up in a flurry of rage and tears a few days before. This was how sobering reality found her; still in the same cocktail dress and no makeup, curled up under a yowling Aria, who really was starting to worry in her own feline way. If Alvina died, there would be no one to feed her, and that was bad news. Reluctantly, she had managed to somehow pull herself up off the couch to shower and throw herself in a carriage bound for the Upscale Cenril Neighborhood that housed one E.L. Landon. The only real motivation she had was to try and figure out what had happened. E.L. had always loved Alvina right? Would she still be kind to the bard if she showed up on the door step? Would Hudson be living with her until he came to get his things? Alvina couldn’t forgive herself if she didn’t at least try. Her pale knuckles met the sturdy wood of the front door, barely making a sound. I shouldn’t be here, she thought bitterly with her arms wrapped tightly across her chest, trying not to cry.


E.L. answers the door and, with ninja-like efficiency, draws Alvina inside and puts a finger to her lips. In the foyer of her grand home, she hugs the bard like her daughter. "Oh sweetie," she breathes, releasing her and taking her hand to lead her away from the stairwell -- Hudson must be upstairs -- and into the kitchen. She shuts the door to block out sound as best she can. "I'm feeding you," she says, and proceeds to do just that. It comes out right away that E.L. is of course sympathetic to Alvina. Hudson had said nothing about the reason for the rupture of an otherwise happy seeming relationship, and has been home for the most part though out on evenings. He's like a different person, says E.L., after practically forcing Alvina to eat a biscuit. He won't ride Cleo. He seems perpetually on edge. She doesn't say that Hudson's been out in the evenings, very late, as far as she can tell, because she doesn't want to alarm Alvina and she has no idea what he's even doing. E.L. tries to direct the conversation to Alvina -- how she's been doing, is she taking care of herself -- when sounds issue from upstairs. Someone's awake and rummaging about. There's the sound of running water in the bathroom.


Alvina doesn’t want to eat the biscuit and doesn’t want to see E.L. looking at her like that. Like someone had died. Like she doesn’t know what’s going on anymore than Alvina does. Once it’s been confirmed that Hudson told E.L. that he’d broken up with Alvina, the bard does her best not to break at the thought that this was, in fact, very real and happening. “Did he tell you why…?” She whispered, clutching at the fashionable but unusually sad author. The sound of footsteps upstairs gnaws at the festering wound Hudson had left in place of her heart. It was a physical pain, so deep and real the bard was surprised blood wasn’t blotting her blouse. He was so close…she could just charge up the stairs and force an answer out of him! Her facial features slacked, like she was fighting back tears, and she looked to E.L. for guidance. “I don’t think he’ll want to see me…” she whispered, unable to face the problem head on. “Do you think…it’s another girl…?” She asked E.L. bluntly, “Do you think…he wants to be with someone more reckless and…” Eleanor’s face flashed behind the bard’s eyes and she doubled over soundlessly. It was her. Hudson would leave Alvina for a cheap thrill, a one night stand. It had to be something that had been going on for a while. That woman. “Does he really have a job?” she sniffled at the floor, thinking now it made perfect sense why He’d been so nice to her and why he’d been away so often. He was with her. Trying to decide if he wanted to leave Alvina for her. And she knew. They’d met in the carriage. Eleanor had to know… right?


E.L. shakes her head, not knowing the answer to the 'why' Alvina's put to her. "It's o--" she begins, only to have Alvina suddenly boil over with fears about another woman, and ask about Hudson's job. This gets E.L. to thinking, too, and she lapses into silence, contemplating the sounds of someone showering upstairs. "I really don't think Hudson has it in him to be that sneaky, sweetie. This is a man who doesn't know how to do his own laundry," she says at length, sipping her coffee thoughtfully. Even if it were another woman (which it isn't), E.L. wouldn't want to say that to Alvina. She has her own motives at stake, and while she'd met Eleanor, she hadn't been particularly impressed. She frowns. "He told me you guys went and looked at engagement rings so I have to admit this has taken me by surprise and I really have no idea what's going on. He's been in a very bad mood. I thought you'd be getting married not breaking up." She returns Alvina's gaze. The water's still running upstairs, so it's time to ask: "Is there anything that happened that I don't know about?"


Alvina hangs on E.L’s every word. It was true that Hudson did not seem the sneaky type. The names he’d given her regarding work were on the money, people Alvina knew and trusted. And Eleanor hadn’t been a source of conversation for quite some time. She’d hoped it was something as simple (crazy, I know) as another woman but now with that option off the table, the women were completely in the dark (as far as Alvina knew) about reasons why this happened. What happened to Hudson a few days ago to cause this drastic change? Then E.L. asks, and the question floats in the air like steam from an overly hot shower. Of course there were things that happened that she didn’t know about, but they were long past them, right? It wasn’t Hudson that was secretly devastated by the lost of a child, was it? If he’d been so upset, why wouldn’t he tell her sooner? Had he really just been riding out her depression for a good time to tell her he was leaving? Had he been planning to this whole time? Maybe since before The Incident with a Capital I? Alvina didn’t have anyone else to turn to…no one knew Hudson better and she had to latch on to someone, anyone that could keep her from reaching the bottom of this endless pit she was in. So, Alvina told her. Like a secret message etched into steamed glass, she explained the “sickness”. She explained the incident and the winter months following it. She explained how they had gone and looked at Engagement rings, and then she recounted in painful detail the nightmare she’d been working against; the fateful afternoon that marked the beginning of the end. Alvina spilled as many of the beans as she possibly could before the sound of the upstairs shower cut off and left only the quiet sobs of someone in the kitchen, far too faint for any human being upstairs to hear.


E.L. watches Alvina in the way a cat might watch a mouse outside a glass window, though that expression fades, replaced by warmth, as Alvina begins to tell her about the incident that happened in Xalious. "Oh sweetie," she repeats at intervals, hugging Alvina as if she were her own daughter. Suddenly there's no running water sound upstairs and it's not clear when that changed, but in any event Hudson is here, standing in the doorway to the kitchen in a bathrobe and looking at the two of them, in clear cahoots. He looks like he hasn't slept in days, an effect of the early stages of his lycanthropy. "Hi sweetie," E.L. is quick to cut in, rising from her seat and shooing Hudson inside before he becomes aware of the bear trap he's walked into. "There's bacon and waffles on the stove, I'll be right back," she says, and like that she excuses herself, giving him no room to protest. Hudson, for his part, looks at Alvina and then wordlessly moves to get the food that his mum has indicated is available. May as well. "I'm sorry I pushed you, I was out of line," he says eventually. "Anyway it won't happen again ever."


Alvina looks at Hudson in stark embarrassment and just as quickly averts her gaze. Damn him, she thinks as he moves casually to the stove to get breakfast. When he speaks, there is the slightest hope that he’ll apologize for everything and explain himself, but instead he decides to further hammer the point home that they will not be getting back together and that is why ‘it won’t happen again ever’. Alvina does not know how to keep cool nor does she understand the point in playing games or establishing distance during an ended relationship. So far, she has no reason to believe he doesn’t love her…not really. There were too many good things overpowering the bad. An outsider might suggest she was stuck in the beginning of a bad relationship. That she should just quiet gather her pride and leave him to whatever fate he’d decided on without her. But he looked rough too. His body language was guarded, and his tone was flat and lifeless. She’d wished now, in hindsight, that she’d brought some of his things as an excuse to be here. Now they would likely to have to add another strange interaction between the two of them to the growing list of things that were breaking her apart on the inside. Her wrist was still lightly bruised, but it wasn’t immediately noticeable. Most of the damage had been her own doing, when her weight gave out against his hand, but she still bitterly looked at the table and rubbed the sour flesh. She was torn between throwing a million questions in his direction or just keeping silent, to prolong the encounter. To earn his trust, like a frightened kitty that had tucked itself into a corner. If she rushed up to him, he’d surely throw up that wall and fight his way again. It took everything in her to hold back that urge. That madness. “It’s okay….” She said, at last, deliberately choosing not to say ‘fine’ in classic woman fashion to conceal the fact that everything was not fine. But what was she supposed to say after that? “I just wanted to come work out a schedule with your mom…so that I could…” She stopped, making an effort to keep her face out of view. “…bring your things by.” She couldn’t help but hope he’d tell her not to bother, that he’d just been going through some things, that he had overreacted and he still wanted to be together but he needed some space. Just some time, to deal with something she didn’t understand.


On some level, Hudson actually is relieved to see Alvina, though his expression is guarded enough to keep that private. He'd worried, with her depression, what would happen after he'd left. She looks sad but like she's managing. There's no hint of the despondent way she'd in reality conducted herself. Gods, he loves her, suddenly aware that this moment is like crack. He eases himself into a seat at the table with her. "It's not fine but thanks," he says to her, in a tone that suggests he isn't looking for her to excuse him. He begins to eat the bacon in silence, grunting in response to Alvina's suggestion of working out a schedule. He feels a pang of annoyance that she's seemingly rushing the winding up process, but he tells himself that this had been his decision and how can he blame her. Did she want his things out of the house because it would deter the next guy? It yanks his chain to think so. He rakes his hand through his still-wet hair and considers his waffles, which now seem far less appealing. He can feel his new found temper calling him, and he takes a minute. "Look, whatever you want to do," he finally says to Alvina. "If you want the stuff gone today I can arrange to have it gone today."


Alvina is afraid to let her gaze hold him for too long. Her composure isn’t solid, and she fears she’ll break at the slightest thing. Of course there was no other guy and Hudson knew that deep down. Just like she knew deep down that this wasn’t about another girl. They were stronger then that…right? She stares, with her unsteady optics fixated on him while he works on the daunting task of appearing normal while he picks at the breakfast his mother had prepared. Where in the world had she gone off to? I’m an idiot, she thinks, the expression written plainly on her face. “That isn’t what I want.” She waits for his eyes to met hers and holds him there. “I don’t want your stuff gone, I don’t want you to go either…” Her words feel dangerously close to startling him back into a rage, so she clarifies in a helpless tone. “…but I can’t stop you if it’s what you want to do.” Tell me I can stop you, her subconscious urged him. Tell me I can help you and bring you back and undo the unraveling of our relationship. A Year. A year they’d been together…A whole year…and with that, silent tears blot out her peripheral vision and she’s quiet again.


Hudson draws a deep breath as Alvina tries to re-negotiate his leaving. He looks at his plate of food, his jaw tightening as he tries to look emotionless through her pleading. He chances a glance at her and sees that she's crying silently, and he mutters the word 'Sven' and looks abruptly away, in the direction his mum had vanished. Where had she gone? He feels a rogue tear slide down his face and he wipes the thing away. He's not very convincing, he thinks. It was easier to take refuge in anger than to actually feel his way through what was happening, that's for sure. The crack element to the situation makes him feel a little reckless. "Alvina," he says, his voice hoarse, "I will always love you and want you to be happy. OK?" Uh, where is he going with this exactly? Too late, it's happening. "I'm - I'm a bad guy and I can't be with you. If we stayed together, I'd just hurt you, like I did the other day. OK? I'm not going to make you happy." He looks at his hands. "I know it sucks now, but you're going to be fine and glad this happened one day. So. That's... That's where we are."


Alvina shakes her head immediately dismissing any idea that Hudson is a ‘bad guy’. “You’re not a bad guy,” she says at length, choking on her tears. “You’re lazy, and messy and sometimes a little forgetful…but never bad.” What had happened that made him think he was such a terrible thing? “I love you….” She pauses, swallowing her fear of frightening him and laying her cards out on the table in front of him, as painful as it was. “I love you and I don’t know what’s going on but I’m not going to give up on you Hudson Landon. I won’t.” She nods her head, affirmation of her conviction. “Something is going on, and you don’t want to tell me, and that’s okay. You don’t have to. But I want you to be happy too, and I feel like we are happiest together. We’ve already been through so much…” Her fleshed digits try to reach out to him, to touch his free hand or his wrist or anything. Is he really Hudson? He looks so tore. Nothing about how he’s been has seemed right. How could she believe this was real? “Hiding from me will never make me happy, but it doesn’t change the fact that I love you and I’ll be waiting.” Oh great, another guy to sit around and wait for. Good choice, Alvina, thinks her writer with bitter contempt. Why wasn’t she more brash!? More Daring?! More willing to say, ‘Screw you!’ and leave with her head held high?! She stood from the table, when she couldn’t summon the breath to fight him anymore on the issue. Alvina didn’t want to hear him say ‘no way, never gonna happen, move on with your life it’s really over.’ She wanted to leave with the hope that her unyielding passion would reach his heart and change his mind, sooner rather than later, so they could stop playing games and get down to the heart of the issue. What they were doing right now was just a game! Dancing around each other, injured and vulnerable while trying to keep their hearts safe and secret. That’s not how love is supposed to be! Delicately, she stops in the doorway of the Kitchen and looks back at him. Her metallic limb lifts and undoes the Sapphire Necklace she’s still wearing, setting it back on the table beside him. “Do you remember what the shop keeper said?” She asked, looking at one of the various adornments on the walls. “You’re the only one I’ll ever want.” And with that, she’d only pause a moment if he asked her, or said something that stirred her heart but she had the sinking feeling that he would just let her go.


Hudson rests his head in his hands and gazes down at the untouched waffles on his plate as Alvina rallies to his defense. He'd like to believe her but she doesn't know that he's a werewolf, it's so easy for her to say those things. He almost feels like he should just tell her, to scare her off for good, but he can't bear the thought of her rejecting him now. He grinds the heel of his palm into an eye that threatens to go rogue on him again. Waits the feeling out. He feels Alvina touch him, with her non-silver hand, thank the gods. And then she gets up, and he looks up to watch her put the necklace on the table. "No no no no," he says, gesturing at the necklace, careful not to touch it. "That's yours, you keep it. Please. Sell it if you don't want to look at it, but I bought it for you and I don't want it back."


Alvina turns, almost running into him. She’s close enough to feel the heat coming off his skin. He’s so warm…why can’t we just go home and cuddle on the couch, and laugh about this whole mess? She just looks at him before picking up the necklace and holding it tightly in her hand. She didn’t really want to let go of it, or him. “Please don’t do this…” she pleaded into her free hand, trying to keep her feelings secret and safe. The composure she wore was false, and shaky. “I’m not changing my mind, no matter what.” He still loved her, she saw it. It was there, he was trying to act so cold but he couldn’t. She was pleading and he was breaking apart, just like her. So WHY? The question loomed over their heads. Her eyes flicked down to his wrist. The bracelet was still missing. A sigh fell off her lips into the space between before her faux smile pinned itself back in place. “I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, Master Alchemist. I’m saving your place.” Her empty hand fell across her chest, placed heavily over her heart.


Hudson struggles with the truth and the silence that he's adopted to protect himself. This again, the waiting for him. He doesn't know whether to feel hopeful or despairing. Ansel's been a werewolf forever, Josleen sure hadn't had any hope of fixing the problem. Hudson laughs once, with bitterness. "Alvina," he says her name in the way that's meant to tell her that's enough of that. This is his fault. He'd gotten a little weak earlier and told her he still cared. He should have just gone with the story she'd made up in her mind, said he'd slept with someone else, or something. This is going a bit wrong now. "I guess my mum will tell me what the schedule is for picking the stuff up," he says, trying to retreat to safe territory. He rises from his chair and moves to lead her to the front door, picking off her coat from the rack and holding it for her to slide her arms in (dangerous maneuver, this). "Take care of yourself please," he tells her.


Alvina watches the heat melt off his face. He’s gone stone cold again. Biting her bottom lip, she admits surrender and heads to the door. First, she puts on her gloves. Spring had turned a lot colder than she’d expected or could remember, and slide her arms into the jacket without incident. This is the last time your hands will almost touch me. This is the last time I’ll see you. I know. I know. Her heart thumps it’s pitiful rhythm while she tries not to cry. E.L. has vanished for good, into who knows where without saying good bye. “Tell your mum I said goodbye,” Her voice is stale. The words aren’t hers. “I’ll see you later,” she says, a reflex that she immediately kicks herself for. “Yeah…” Her empty promise won’t miss him, but gods how she will.


Hudson tries to be careful with her coat to drag the moment out, keep Alvina as long as he dares without breaking his resolve. This is a woman he's kissed thousands of times, and yet to not kiss her right now, when she seems so obviously sad -- his doing, too -- is like a kick to the gut. "Yeah, I will," he says to Alvina, meaning his mum. There's nothing to be said about the 'see you later' comment. He releases her coat a little belatedly to allow her freedom of movement. "Alright, well," he offers her a bitter smile, "See you. Probably at the gym or something. I don't know. See you." Please make sure you eat and leave the house, he silently adds, his gaze following her out.