RP:Overlooked Consequences
Summary: Talyara and Linn run into each other a couple times not long after their breakup, either by intent or by accident. Meeting in the Dancing Destrier, Linn expresses his difficulties coming to a decision, and after some arguing and mental flailing trying to explain himself to Talyara he comes to a realization that breaks his will to continue in his dark line of work for now. With it, the two reconnect as he completely breaks down.
The Xalious Tree
Linn It was just after the battle in Frostmaw that Linn could –once again- be found sleeping under the Xalious Tree. The plates of his armor had been dismantled and stacked up next to his pack, and his simpler clothing folded up under his head for use as a makeshift pillow. The townsfolk seemed to know right where he was; it wasn’t the first time he’d be found sleeping under the tree and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. Compared to the serenity he seemed to always carry when sleeping there, his sleeping expression was much more subdued and sullen, too suppressed to be in any sort of pain but too weighted to feel good in the soothing energy either.
Despite the fact that Talyara would have loved to help in the battle for Frostmaw, she knew she was still too weak physically and emotionally to handle it. It was probably a good thing she didn’t hear about it until after it was done and over with. She had been staying in Kelay Tavern since she left her cave in Xalious. She had been drinking a cup of coffee when someone came running in declaring that Hildegarde and her army had won. Taly knew immediately that Linn would have fought at her side, and although she was still angry and heart broken, she needed to know he was okay. So a few days later, she made her way back to Xalious and asked around. She already knew where he would be but several townsfolk solidified her suspicions. She sees him laying there, asleep, thankfully with all of his limbs. She settles down beside him and simply sits there for some time just watching the rise and fall of his chest.
Linn’s eyelids fluttered while remaining closed as Taly sat down beside him; eventually he made a fitful toss and turn, arms under his makeshift pillow pulling it along with him. Another turn brought him to nudge against Talyara, after which a colorless eye curiously drifted open to see who it was. Slowly, it closed again as he sighed, the sadness on his face breaking his expression down further until he managed a defeated “Hey,” carrying the same exact mood he had when the two parted ways back at their makeshift home. Despite his mood being dampened by drowsiness and the tree, he still notably hung in that internal conflict, unable to resolve it.
Talyara tilts to the side slightly as Linn’s sleepy thrashing nudges her. The witch draws her knees up to her chest and she hugs her legs. She waits for a few moments when suddenly a colorless eye appears. She’s not entirely sure if he’s a truly awake or not until the witch hears his voice. “Hey…” she answers back quietly, dropping her eyes to the ground.
Linn honestly wasn’t sure if this was a dream or not. Every time he woke up under this tree as of late there were incredible dream vibes, but hey, if she wasn’t possessed again and he wasn’t killing her… it was probably a good sign. His expression didn’t really shift, but eventually he managed to mutter out a few more words. “You been eating at least?”
Talyara feels the corner of her mouth twitch slightly at Linn’s chosen question. She shakes her head slightly before lifting her head to look in his face once more. “I haven’t really been hungry,” she admits. “But I try and have some bread and broth every night at least.” Taly falls quiet again and shifts slightly. “You made it out of the battle alright?"
Linn’s eyes eventually slowly opened, but they remained focused more on the ground in front of him than Talyara. That beautiful, beautiful ground. “You’re never hungry when you need to be…” he muttered back with a sigh and a crooked smile, the question about making it out of the fight bringing a nod. “Yeah. A little sore and banged up. But I’m fine. Can’t say I’ve won the one in my own head yet though. In either direction.” Weakly he shrugged. “I’m sorry.”
Talyara manages a quiet chuckle when Linn politely reprimands her about her eating habits. He’s right, of course, but he should have expected that answer from him. Her nails dig into the back of her hand as he confirms he made it out of the battle, but that the war in his mind has yet to be settles. A rogue tear falls down her cheek and she’s quick to wipe it away before giving a curt nod. “It’s fine,” she says a bit stiffly. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I see that you are, so I suppose that’s it,” she says rather dully before hoisting herself up and stretching her arms above her head for a moment. “I’ll see you around, Linn,” she says quietly before turning and heading back towards town.
Linn nodded weakly as Talyara explained why she had come to the tree. “Thanks…” he managed to mutter out, and as she gave her farewells he nodded. “Just don’t starve to death, okay? You’re too good for that.” With a weighted sigh his eyes closed again, a tear slipping out and down his cheek as he tried to go back to sleep and forget everything. Uncomfortably he tossed again. He’d get used to it again… eventually.
The Dancing Destrier
It had been a few days since she had seen Linn under the Xalious tree. She hadn’t exactly been starving herself, but she hadn’t really been eating. Truthfully, she had returned to Kelay tavern and dissolved into tears, crying herself to sleep. She had decided to head back to Xalious a few days later, not to look for Linn, but to check on their cavern home and make sure everything was still alright even if she had no idea why she was doing it. Presently, she sits by the fire in the Dancing Destrier, legs tucked underneath her slim body a book open in her lap as she reads idly. By her side is a plate of untouched food.
Linn had come into the Dancing Destrier to get some food of his own because really, his cooking sucked. Of course, he was still stuck in that sullen state and really wasn’t in the mood to try anything particularly different either. So stew it was… just a slightly different flavor. There was no escape from the stew. He looked around for a place to sit so he could – Damn it Talyara. You and your food… With a sigh he sat down in front of the fire near her with his stew before cracking a whimsical comment. “How long has that food been there?”
Talyara didn’t initially look up from her book when Linn sat down and cracked her comment about the food beside her. In fact, she turns the page before she even acknowledges him. First a look at the enchanter and then back to the bowl. She studies it for sometime before giving a shrug of her shoulder. “I’m not sure, to be honest.” A beat, “I’m not hungry."
Linn sighed and shook his head. “Never hungry…” he idly picked at his own stew. The mood actually killed hunger pretty handily. Damn it. He’d continue picking at it for some time before he spoke up again. “It almost feels like the world is playing some cruel joke.” He commented, “We run into each other time after time. Fall in love, then everything goes through every hell imaginable. And here we are again. Running into each other.” With a sigh he shook his head. “I can’t decide on it. I just… can’t.” He buried his face in his hands with the confession, trying to hide the tears that were beginning to flow as his mind continued to tear itself apart over that ultimatum.
Talyara watches as Linn picks at his own food, finding his hypocritical statement almost amusing. Still, it doesn’t stir her enough to eat. She does close her book though, attention and green eyes on the enchanter as he explains about the cruel nature of their relationship. She is about to comment on it when his confession comes. She drops her eyes and sighs heavily herself. “I think that’s what breaks my heart the most,” comes her confession. “I think you’ve already made your choice, Linn,” she answers sadly.
Linn pursed his lips and stopped, drawing his face back out of his hands. “Maybe. Maybe I have.” Setting the spoon aside he turned back to Talyara. “I wanted to be with you. I still do. But… even if I refuse it now, I can only wonder how long it will be until something else happens that will try to draw me into that business. And those nightmares just keep coming back. The only way I’ve been able to end things like that is working close to what’s so horrible about them. But… then I remember what happens to those who go into this work. How far they slip. And that’s something I know I can’t notice myself, not until it’s too late.” Weakly he shook his head. “I’ve finally hit an end of the road. No options work, and I’m not willing to take the risks for the ones that might give me peace.”
Talyara looks at Linn sadly, but no tears fall. She was pretty sure she didn’t have any more left to give. She has another flair of anger as all the promises her made her flash through her mind and her emerald eyes reflect that pain. Yet when she speaks, her voice is eerily calm. “You always have a choice, Linn. You maybe draw to that type of business but it doesn’t mean you have to pursue it. That is all on you.” She hangs her head and squeezes her eyes shut. “You could choose me, too. You’ve just decided that this is more important. So I guess this is really over then, huh? All those promises you made me, just lies,” she spits out harshly before biting her tongue. “Forget it. You do what you have to do Linn."
Linn swallowed as Talyara made her stance on the matter, his eyes closing in pain of his own as she put the burden on him. “I don’t want to pursue it. I want to chase it out of my damn head.” When she rendered his promises lies his eyes flared up as he stared right at her straight as he could. “I won’t lie to you. Every time I have in any way it’s been a massive mistake. That’s why I’m saying all this.” Slowly, he began collecting himself with her final statement. “I don’t want to do any of it. Not unless it’s necessary.” He bit his lip. “The greatest danger comes from pursuing that power without a need for it. I suppose that’s what I’m coming close to. I can put it aside for now, but I can’t tell what’s going to happen if… something ever happens. Something that absolutely can’t be solved in any other way.”
Talyara could totally go for some pretty potent green drink right about now. However, given the fact that she’s petite to begin with and hasn’t had a proper meal in about…oh several months, she’s most likely die from that sort of thing. So, she settles on not drinking anything, or eating for that matter. As Linn goes on and on about…whatever it is he is going on and on about, the witch allows her frustration to get the better of her. She let’s out a frustrated sigh and smacks her hand against the chair. “I don’t understand Linn. You either want to be with me or you don’t. You want to pursue this darkness or you don’t. You have an obsession with dead or you don’t. What is it? And what is it that you want from me?"
Linn buried his face in his hands again, rubbing his brows as Talyara made it clear that his mental flailing wasn't making sense anymore. "I'm split so many different ways" he muttered out with a sigh, shaking his head before looking back up. "I want to be with you. I really do. I don't even personally want to work with this, but I just keep getting that nagging feeling that it will be necessary to protect ourselves or something else." Another sigh as he pondered just what he wanted from her. "I don't know. I suppose just to... look out for me. Make sure I don't fall to this darkness. I don't think I can trust myself anymore with it..." That pain and self-doubt continued to build as he shamefully hid his face back in his hands, tears welling up once again as he felt powerless under the assault of his own mind.
Talyara feels her bottom lip quiver as she drops her eyes as the full brunt of Linn's emotions come barrelling at her and overwhelm her. It takes her breath away and she gasps before she quickly builds up that wall, that shield to protect herself. She feels her own tears come and once again anger and frustration wins out. "You want me to look out for you? Linn, I had that darkness living inside me for months. For months I was held captive in my own body! You don't think I have my own nightmares about that happening again? About the abuse I suffered? About the terrible things he forced me to do and say? The things he said to me? Months, Linn! Months of him telling me that I wasn't worthy of love and that you and Lana hated me!" And now it's Taly's turn to truly breakdown, her whole body shaking with sobs.
Linn was doing all he could do to hold himself together, barely blinking away the tears as Talyara told him about her own suffering during the possession. Eventually he turned to put his hands on her shoulders and try to straighten the both of them. "I'm sorry for all of that. I wanted to do more, but I couldn't. But I know if I fall, it's not going to be me that gets harmed. It's going to be others. It'd be you..." Suddenly, his mind froze, growing eerily still for a scant few seconds. "It already is..." he whispered out, nearly choking on the words. "I have already hurt you..." The realization ripped through his mind like a jagged knife, answering and obliterating the conflict he had been locked in for days now, along with the rest of his psyche which began to disintegrate into a pile of guilt and sorrow. And so the tears of his own began flowing as freely as they possibly could. Had she stayed close, the plates would fall from his armor as he'd throw his arms around her and put his head over her shoulder. Otherwise, he'd be left to curl up into a ball on the floor "Forgive me... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." He stopped as sobs of his own interrupted his speech. "I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to, I don't want to..." He'd continue babbling out that statement over and over between his own sobs. Somewhere in that storm of emotion was love, but it was tainted by doubt that she'd accept it after everything he put her through.
Talyara only looks up when Linn places his hands on her shoulders and straightens them both so they are looking at one another again. It succeeds in calming her loud sobs to quiet whimpers, silent tears rolling down her cheeks as Linn apologizes and tries to explain again. His whisper surprises her and just as she opens her mouth to respond, Linn truly breaks. His plates clatter to the ground and she suddenly finds herself in the enchanter’s arms, his head over her shoulder and he sobs out his apologies. She is shocked not only by his words and actions, but the overwhelming emotion radiating off of him, the touch breaking down that shield she had put up. His emotion is so strong that it feels like a gut punch, knocking the air out of her her. When she regains some semblance of herself and her own emotions, her arms wrap tightly around Linn and her face turns into the side of his neck. “I’m sorry, too."
Linn cried as he hugged Talyara for a long time, the babbling words eventually fading into silent sobs that went and went. When he finally spoke it was in ragged whispers again. "That's the evil of it. I can't know. I worried so much about what was to happen... I forgot I was hurting you as I fought with myself. I can't do it. Not if it's going to do this to us. To you. I'm sorry..." he broke back into those silent sobs, tears traveling down his cheeks and wetting her shoulder. Her apology stilled him, and after another long silence he'd speak again. "I still want to be with you. But... I don't know if you even want to continue with me after... all this." Looking back on his mistakes he couldn't help but break down again further and further, weakly shaking in her arms.
Talyara feels tears well up in her eyes as Linn explains his stance and about not wanting to hurt them, to hurt her. Was he actually making a decision? Was he choosing her over this obsession? Slender fingers clutch the back of his shirt(?) as he cries on her shoulder. Now comes his question, even if it wasn't posed as such. Does she love him enough to forgive him for doing this? For not choosing her initially? Taly leans back and takes Linn's face in her hands, thumbs wiping at the tears on his cheeks before softly pressing her lips to his.
Linn couldn’t help but keep holding Talyara in his own sorrow, the moments of silence after his broken attempt at asking for forgiveness weighing on him heavily. As she leaned back to make space for the two to look at each other, he couldn’t help but stare back sadly and anxiously with eyes growing bloodshot from the crying. And then she kissed him and he pulled her back in close, the tears beginning to flow once again. Did she forgive him? It seemed so, and despite any doubts his mind may have had he couldn’t help but just keep melting, kissing her back for as long as he could. When they finally parted, he was breathing heavily as the stress came and went, steadily ebbing away as it seemed he was forgiven, but all he could do was continue weakly muttering “I’m sorry… I’m sorry” as he pulled her in for another hug.
Talyara could feel the anxiety and stress Linn felt like a heavy boulder on his shoulders; still, she isn't the first one to break the kiss. She keeps her mouth on his until he pulls away, breathless, and issuing more apologies. "It's okay, Linn," she answers softly, arms wrapping tightly around him once more. "I forgive you," she assures him with a squeeze, turning her head to press a kiss against his jaw.
Maybe even more than when Linn broke on his own realization, Talyara’s forgiveness made him just melt more and more. He barely managed a teary “Thank you” as she said it out loud and kissed him on the jaw. Almost immediately he leaned in to press his lips against hers once again in another long, drawn out kiss, the weight on his own heart finally lifting with it. For all the mental fight and brokenness put him through, it didn’t compare to what the release from it did to him; he’d probably cry out all the tears he could muster for weeks in these few moments. He just wanted to love her right now, and nothing more.