RP:Of Muffins and Madness, part II

The adventure on the world of muffins continues...

The RP

The ravening, light-hungry ball of darkness smashed with full force into the dark chocolate exterior of the muffin, punching a huge jagged hole into it and shattering the exoskeleton to pieces, causing the gooey, near-liquid interior of the monster to flow out and dissipate into the cookie dough. Lacking a master, the scones merely dropped dead to the ground. Taikahn stopped spraying his fire and doused his arms like he would brush dust off of them, and then nodded, taking a deep breath. "Fortunately, that guardian seemed to be acting alone; unfortunately, swarms of scones are practically unmissable." He peeked around the outside of the rock--oddly enough, they all seemed distracted by something the black-speckled muffins were doing. They'd gathered in a circle around the giant muffin sheet and were pointing their tentacles at the center. Something seemed to happen then, but it was taking time.

Angelo pumped his fist into the air, slowing down after a moment before he seemed to snap out of it. "Whoo...okay. Well. That was amusing, certainly...-I. Love. This. Cannon.-" He hoisted it up, smiling and giving it a hug as he chuckled. "Alright...what next?" He looks to Cornelius and flashes him a thumbs up. "Thank you for keeping them off of me."

Cornelius whips his sword through the air in a precise arc, casting off the majority of the scone bits it was covered in. He then sketches a salute to the Lycan "My pleasure old bean! Time to celebrate with a drink, methinks!" With the source of his anger gone, Cornelius saunters over to the remnants of the chocolate-covered monstrosity and pulls out a tumbler from his muffin-smeared satchel. Dipping it into a pool of Preklek-melted chocolate he brings it up to his nose and takes a whiff. "Hmm. Deuced shame I have no milk to mix into this. Ah well. Cheers, wot!" The befuddled dandy takes a sip "Better get into it now gents, before it cools off! ...I say! Genius!" The dandy temporarily plants his sword into the ground as he nimble retrieves a flask and mixes a little bit of brandy into the tumbler filled with molten chocolate. Snapping off part of the chocolate spike still impaling his frying pan, he uses it as a stirrer before taking another sip "Ah, perfection. Really, can't call it a nightcap my dear fellows, but as a fightcap it'll do."

Taikahn was too busy watching the goings-on outside to bother with what was going on inside, and he made a note to take the cannon back -after- Angelo had had time to cool down. Down in the crater, the something that was happening was growing more visible. The universe seemed to be growing translucent in a space just over the muffin tray rock formation thing. Each would see what lay beyond differently--perhaps a stormcloud, or a tree, or any number of things. Taikahn saw organs and blood vessels, stretched out as if on a table. The translucent spot was growing and rippling, slowly stretching out to cover the whole tray of muffins. Taikahn remained quiet and observant, certain that by now they were too late--even if they got a shot off with the cannon, they'd only get one before they were mobbed and destroyed, and one shot even at this range wasn't going to do much. He needed something to help him relax. "...you know what Cornelius, I will have some of that hot chocolate I think," he said, as he walked over.

Angelo peeked over the hill only to see...a field of carnations? Oh. Lovely. He took a few steps back and stood by Taikanhn's side, shuddering. "Didn't need to see that..."

Cornelius smiles and raises his tumbler in salute before draining it. "Jolly good idea, wot. I hope you brought cups, as I only have the one tumbler. Although..." Ever adaptable in the gentlemanly art of bestowing brandy, Cornelius stows his tumbler and finds a section of Chocolate Exoskeleton which was vaguely bowl-shaped. The versatile gentleman uses his sword to even out the edges before planting the weapon in the ground and filling it with molten chocolate and then some brandy.

Taikahn hadn't brought cups and shook his head at the suggestion, but then grinned when Cornelius figured out to use the exoskeleton and would accept the drink once it was offered, taking a swing and giving a thumbs-up. Behind the rock, there would suddenly be an odd noise, and then a muted roaring--like a forest fire, only from behind a glass wall.

Angelo snapped his head to the rock, not daring to peek over. He did, however, hoist the cannon again, ready to fire if necessary. "I...don't like that sound. In the slightest."

Cornelius refills his tumbler with more chocolate and brandy before retrieving his sword. He casually jaunts over and peers at the cause of the noise in bemused curiousity. "Oh my. How fascinating. I really have the most marvellous imagination"

Taikahn shook his head, taking another sip. "I don't, either, but judging from what I saw it's probably the sound of the surface of a brown dwarf star, coming from inside a wormhole. They're speed-baking their batch of muffins." He took another sip. "We really don't have anything to do until they finish up, and even then I don't know what we'll do."

Angelo raised an eyebrow. "Great. More muffins." He turned to Taikahn, holding the cannon loosely. "Well...three men can't take on an army. Could we...overload this thing, perhaps? Destroy them all? One shot?"

Cornelius raises his hand to ward off the glare from the over-sized oven below, then takes a sip. "You know, that's a brilliant idea. I should go into partnership with Nirrarien, bake muffins on a grand scale, go into the catering business. Buy out Mrs Mallard in a hostile takeover. Franchise her out to other bored middle-aged women, until we have wholesome bakeries the world over, cooking up a tidy profit and serving it to me with a nice cup of tea." He turns around and walks over to Taikahn and Angelo "No sign of savouries, I regret to advise. Deucedly limited menu on offer. I really must complain to management"

Taikahn smiled as he sat there, listening to Cornelius' plans for market domination and wondering if perhaps he might actually follow through with it upon his return to sanity. He answered Angelo after the dandy had quieted for a moment. "Overloading it would, as I've said, only trap us in a time dilation field which would eventually destroy the whole solar system--us first, though. And while the projectiles do explode after traveling a certain distance, the explosion wouldn't take them all out and would only attract more from other hives in the area. What we really need is--" The roaring sound suddenly ceased. The wormhole went away. And then, clear as a bell, they would likely here this: "That was insufferably cold!" followed by a sound like drone morphing into a building--that is, a glurbling sound like a stomach rumbling muted by mud and slime. "That was disgusting!"

Angelo groaned, facepalming with one hand at the sudden inclusion of voices. "Great. So we can't get rid of them from what I hear you're saying, and now they can -talk-."

Cornelius drinks the rest of his brandy-laden hot chocolate before it starts to cool down and harden. Stowing the tumbler, he brings the langenschwert up to rest on his shoulder "There's nothing for it, old bean. We'll have to offer them a partnership in the organisation if we can't wipe them out in economic warfare. Profits will suffer, of course, but not as badly if we're in constant competition. Shall I go down and negotiate?"

Taikahn had stood up at high speed when he'd heard the voice and peered out around the rock, staring in disbelief. "You aren't going to believe this. That special one they were experimenting with? It's turned on the others." And indeed it had, the thing was in fact a cake and it was doing some very odd things in its vicinity--like making the muffins around it move in slow motion, and dragging things in with a beam that didn't look much unlike the trail of darkness left by the projectiles fired from the cannon. "This... is a development."

Angelo peeked over the hill, grinning. "Really. Well, that's certainly...interesting. And a development."

Cornelius grumbles "It could have been a bloody lasagne at least, dash it all. I could kill for a quiche." The dandy gazes down at the massacre below. "A pâtissier would weep."

Taikahn shrugged. "It's not just food; it needs to be food that rises. Cakes; muffins, heck, if they wanted to they could fix bread." He pondered the situation further and then came to an abrupt realization. "That cake is still terribly outnumbered. If we don't help somehow it's going to be torn apart." He looked around, then nodded to one of the huge muffins acting as a structure. "We need to take those two out. Angelo, I think you know how do to that. Cornelius, we're going to buy him time by going down there and luring some of the muffins away." He rolled his shoulders. "If anyone has a better plan, speak up now."

Angelo hoisted the cannon and chuckled, nodding to Taikahn. "Let's go."

Cornelius grins, puts his still-somewhat-smudged goggles and mask back on, then picks up the chocolate-spiked frying pan again. "Well, then, my good fellows! Time for elevensies!" With that, Cornelius sets off at a casual picnic-paced trot downhill towards the target indicated

Taikahn nodded and turned to Angelo as he followed Cornelius. "Stay here and shoot. We'll try to intercept anything that would be coming for you. If anything does reach you, shoot it if you can and yell for help." Then he turned and jogged after Corny, checking the amount of fuel he had left in his tanks as to how much more he could spray fire or ice. To the dandy, he said, "I'm going to attract their attention. Be ready, this is going to be pretty loud." He flexed a wrist and his high-pressure aircannon snapped out and flipped into place. He pulled a bluish-purple sphere from a pocket and loaded it into the cannon. "I love the fact that this isn't Hollow," he said, pointing and firing at nearby muffins. That got their attention--the cannon unleashed a thunderous crashing sound and sprayed white-hot liquid lightning all over the nearby batch of muffins--it sliced through the first wave approximately like a lightsaber through toast. "That was my only plasma charge. I hope it was worth it." They'd definitely gotten the muffins' attention now, because here. They. Came.

Angelo cackled maniacally, readying the cannon and taking aim at the two massive muffins, firing controlled shots every few seconds all whilst singing to himself, cackling inbetween verses.

Cornelius slows down his pace as he realises the frying pan is probably not going to be of much use "I swear, Taikahn old bean, I shall not feel like eating muffins again for months!" Dropping the frying pan once more as the first large muffin approaches Cornelius catches the strong scent of cooked apple. As the leading muffin approaches him uphill, the armoured dandy steps laterally past its approach vector, dropping his weight into a powerful cleaving cut across and through the dessert. Like a knife through bread, the muffin is cleft in twain, crumbs and cubed red delicious pouring onto the ground as Cornelius smoothly continues moving towards the next one with a muttered "How'd you like them apples?"

The cannon-fire was at enough of a distance that part-way into slamming through the huge muffins, they exploded. The massive muffins didn't really stand a chance, the first getting practically disabled after a mere two shots from the cannon and the second went down in another two shots. Of course, each shot would come with a pause of twenty seconds while the cannon reloaded. Taikahn had also redrawn Red and was unleashing fire and ice and spinning and slicing and just generally trying to stay alive. Occasionally they'd hear the cake yell out something as it devoured a muffin.

Angelo raised the cannon up high, roaring victoriously before he got blindsided by a renegade muffin that smacked into his side, sending him tumbling to the ground along with the cannon. He quickly brought his knife around viciously, trying to lose the accursed thing whilst keeping up a constant stream of swearing in his native language.

Cornelius decides that he likes hills. For the experienced swordsman, working within the knowledge that this was a world of his own deluded creation, every action is taken with the confident assurance of success. Pure training and combat timing, however, is what stops the muffins from disrupting his illusions. At a leisurely gliding pace, Cornelius works his way in a broad zig-zagging fashion, moving further side-to-side than downwards, taking a similar tactical approach to the murderous muffins bent on dandy-destruction. Step, drop weight into the cut, step past, witty one-liner. It was a well-honed routine. "Granny smiths are faster", "I cored you out", "Here's -your- just desserts", "I guess I -do- now know the muffin man... I AM the muffin man!". Sometime during the muffiny melee Cornelius is forced again to discard his gasmask for fear of being blinded. "Talk about half-baked plans, eh Taikahn? Eh Angelo? Let's put these bastards on th cooling rack!"

RP:Of Muffins and Madness, part I; RP:Of Muffins and Madness, part III