RP:No Means No

From HollowWiki

Part of the The Dust Up In Cenril Arc


Summary: After Alvina took the girls and ran off, Hudson comes to Frostmaw Towers to visit them. It's a weak moment, for Alvina, but she doesn't change her mind and neither does Hudson. They've reached an impasse, and it looks like neither of them are willing to compromise.

Frostmaw Towers

Alvina had started work again at Frostmaw Towers in (you guessed it) Frostmaw as the Royal blacksmith. She had an office, it was bare bones on the third floor, but it was nice to have her own space. It even had it’s own window and the door had been replaced since the attack a month or so ago. Helen was still manning the front gates, and had received Alvina’s application for admission for Hudson in advance (per Helen’s strict requirements). The daycare was on the first floor, on the opposite side of the building from the break / lounge area. They had a cook on staff that made very bland military style lunches on wooden trays. Gods forbid you ask for anything special (unless Marion, the retired baker was on shift). It’s a tall building, with several floors. Roughly six above ground (from what any onlooker could tell). There are several glass doors that lead to the clerk booths. The clerks have to buzz you in. It looks a bit like a movie theater; people in glass boxes looking indifferent to your plight. Hudson would receive the infamous “visitor's pass” to wear around his neck, forever to be classified as an outsider, while the rest of the interior work force buzzes around him, scaling the various staircases in their business casual wear and clicking low heels. A woman with her hair pulled in a tight bun is Hudson’s escort when he arrives. She silently takes him up to the third floor and to Alvina’s office. She knocks, exactly three times in a crisp way, and then starts back downstairs without waiting to see if Alvina was inside. It takes her a solid ten minutes to open the door, but when she does, her hair is a messy bun on top of her head. There’s a charcoal pencil between her lips and the classic chunky black frames around her eyes, bridge cutting into her nose. The false lighting here highlights her freckles. She’s not smiling. “Come in for a second, I have to finish this before I can go…” Business tone, no hint of warmth. She’s afraid to appear anything less than determined about this separation. It’s for the best. She repeated it over and over in her mind so it must be true. Her hands gesture to a little cubby space that boasted a plush pillow atop a wooden chest and a side table that had three unopened jars of water.


Hudson goes through security with a bland expression on his unshaven face. Breakup beard aside, he'd at least put himself together for this meeting, showered, clean clothes, trying to not look like a man who's been ranging around the forest in wolf format. He waits outside of Alvina's door, feeling like an idiot when multiple official employee types walk past him, seemingly confused as to why a man is loitering outside of Alvina's office but not wishing to comment because it did have a certain whiff of 'personal garbage' to it. There's hardly any noise coming out of her office, even, it's not like she's having a meeting in there. He begins to grow annoyed. She's making him wait for no reason, because she can. He would never do this to her. Finally, she lets him in. His face is grim. He sits. She's avoiding eye contact, but he's looking right at her, doing a study of her body language, her clothes, her makeup, her hair. Even his attention on her doesn't cause her to look up and pay him mind, so with a frustrated sigh he knocks it off. He's holding a folder and he looks through that, it's just account information from the bank, everything's in order. After checking it for the third time, his impatience scuppers him. "Is this a bad time," he says in a certain tone that suggests he's not buying it, even though he's asked.


Alvina looks up at him, hunched over a rough blueprint on her desk that looks like some sort of sword with attachments. The attachments are what she’s roughly sketching in charcoal, it’s all over her hands and face from where she’s rubbed her hair off her face and forgotten. She’s a bit of a mess but in her usual way of being a mess. It doesn’t look out of place on her. The only key to her discomfort is the fact she isn’t smiling. Working made her happy but she was hovering over this paperwork like it was a pit of lava. “I just have a deadline, two more minutes.” Already, she sounded irritated. He was in such a rush to leave? More like in a rush to see his children. She put the pencil down and it rolls off the desk and across the floor to hit Hudson’s shoe. Emerald eyes look on, helpless. The pencil is now dead to her. No effort is made to retrieve it. “What are those folders?” She asks dryly, with not bite in her tone. She’s shrugging a sweater on now, it’s colder downstairs and she feels a bit too exposed. There’s no doubt Hudson can see right through this ‘tough mom’ act she’s got going on. He always knew how to do that. Maybe another sweater would save her. “The girls are back on the first floor so we can just cut through to the stairwell on the right.” Not the same stairset Hudson and the unnamed assistant used to get here. This place is a bit like a maze, where everything looks very unified and corporate. Small talk feels ridiculous after two years together so she just decides silence to be their buffer unless he speaks up. “Security has been improved since the incident.” She reassures him, in case he doubts her sanity for bringing their children here. He’d have noticed, after going through all the pat downs and magic detectors on the way in. Alvina’s eyes look tired. She’s been dealing with the twins alone, without Marge’s help or Hudson’s so it made sense that she would be. If he’s looking for clue of her being miserable, look no further.


"K," says Hudson, monotone, pretending to be interested in her office, which he'd never seen before. He notes that she's got a couple illustration frames face down on her desk, pretty obvious what that's about. Of course, one with their daughters is still up, oh hey... He reaches for it, looks at it, his face twisting with emotion. Her pencil has hit his shoe and he's ignoring it. Let her see him struggling not to tear up at this illustration of their daughters. Let her wait. Maybe the work wasn't so important after all, because she's busying herself to put on a sweater, probably because looking at him is too awful. He puts the frame back on her desk, stands and gets a hold of himself. He hands her the folder. "It's for you. It's a bank account, I'll put money in it every week. If you guys need more just let me know..." Why does he feel like she's boiling with resentment still, even though he's doing the right thing here? Maybe she wants him to be more deadbeat, why doesn't she know him after all this time to know that it's not in him. He follows her in silence, feeling hatred radiate in his direction. For his part, he's stone faced. "I'm sure it's safer than Larket," he replies, again in that certain tone. "Plus you know people," he adds, cuttingly.


Alvina stops on the stairs, tempted to look at him and wage all out war here in the hall. What was that remark about? Her knowing people? “I work here, of course I know these people.” Jerk, she thinks silently. “And we don’t need any money. I don’t want to be associated with that business anymore in any sense. Frostmaw pays me enough and we stay in the fort so we don’t need anything…” Except for you to stop playing mobster and come back to taking being a father, seriously. How could you even think this is what I want Hudson? Is this all some game to you?! Don’t you care that your daughters are always asking about you and calling out to strangers just because they have beards? It’s all the heartbreaking stuff they write about in those columns in the papers...about single parents whose spouse has died. It feels a lot like he’s died, except he’s standing beside her trying to wire her blood money as if his drug business hadn’t almost gotten them killed and also employed Valrae, his ex. These are small things in Hudson’s world, apparently. There’s no time for Hudson to complain about her not taking the money. She’s charged ahead and brought them to the corridor where the daycare was held. It was run by a very old looking Dragoness who made Alvina present her identification before letting her see the children, even though they saw each other every single day. Luna and Harper are on a form flooring with large block letters, each square is it’s own letter. Harper is guarding the ‘C’ tile for her life and chewing on a plush baseball while Luna is pretending to feed a plush cat water by holding it’s head into the bowl for long amounts of time. She pulls the cat toy back up, roughly pats it’s head and mutters some baby mumbles about it being a good cat (or so Alvina can only assume) before asking it a question in gibberish (Kitty thirty?) and dunking it’s head back into the imaginary water in the very real blue bowl. Alvina is struck, by this scene, and what follows as they see Hudson. Harper jolts off the ‘C’ tile with vigor, plush baseball still in her hand, leaving sloppy wet imprints to mark her path. Luna sees Hudson and shrieks happily, which draws the attention of all the other children as she tries to drag the cat and the bowl to him to show him how cats like to drink water. Crawling with two things is too difficult, so she leaves the bowl behind, instead dragging the poor cat toy in her chubby balled hand to smack against his shoe until he reaches out to her. The Dragoness sighs and smiles. Alvina covers her mouth with her hands, muting some heartbroken sob, and turned away for fear of losing her cool and crying.


Hudson is chafed by Alvina's refusal to take the money. "Don't be ridiculous, you could use the money," he says, sourly. Now he's really spoiling for a fight, but it would be a bad look to be arguing as they roll up on this daycare. "Keep the folder," he says, stiffly, leaving it because she's outpacing him and they're there now. Hudson has the sensation, seeing his children, that his heart is being squeezed like a sponge. "Hey guys," he says, the words wilting as they make a beeline - as much as children can make beelines - at him. He crouches on the carpeting, receiving them in his arms both at once. They're making noises at him, he kisses them. "I missed you, I missed you, I missed you, hey guyyyyys," he says, feeling dismayed that language can only carry them so far because their grasp of it isn't so hot. Luna is smacking his foot with a wet stuffed cat, and he receives it from her. "Is that Aria?" he asks her, stealthily wringing it out over the bowl. Harper is immediately jealous and shrieking Dadadada repeatedly which, he's not entirely sure if she means to / is actually intentionally referring to him, but he wants to believe she is, it makes his heart feel like it might burst. He gives Luna the plush version of Aria, for her to dunk anew (she wastes no time in doing so). "Hey, I love you, weasel," he says to Harper, picking her up and kissing her again on the face. She tries to put her hand in his eye, literally. He dodges. "Easy on daddy," he tells her. There's too much going on to marinate in feeling sorry for himself. Luna has resumed her assault with the re-soaked cat, and he puts Harper down - she immediately crawls into his lap anyway - to pick her sister up. She burrows her face against his chest, is possibly drooling on his shirt as she is now chewing on the cat. "Love you too," he says. He looks at Alvina, he can't help himself. She's not even looking their way. Fine. "Should we play a game while daddy's here," he suggests, for some reason the question taking a lot out of him. He reaches for some baby playset with colors, and while Alvina presumably studiously ignores them he engages his daughters in a spirited round of... whatever dumb baby game this is. It's hard not to cry, especially because they keep wanting Alvina to join them and she's talking to the Dragoness. The game has to stop after awhile, though, because Luna, perhaps picking up on new reality, commences a meltdown of epic proportions all because Hudson wouldn't let her eat his keys. Not to be outdone, Harper of course promptly follows suit.


Alvina -HAS- to talk to the daycare worker because if she doesn’t, she’s going to break down and ask Hudson to come back to the Fort with them to spend time together. They’ll play with the girls until they fall asleep (reluctantly and way too late because Daddy will be there). And then Alvina will say she’s sorry and she’s missed Hudson and they’ll kiss like teenagers and there will be no turning back this decision to stand her ground and separate everyone until it’s safe. In hindsight, it doesn’t seem dangerous. Especially not here, in the Fort. Literal Military compound. Alvina is a woman that knows her limits...and she knows that Hudson pushes them every single time. No question. He’d always been this way, since they started dating so long ago. Friends that kissed sometimes...she almost laughs to remember that exchange. They’ve always disagreed- and now she has to run interference because their daughters are throwing a fit about some game / situation / picking up on the unspoken tension between Mommy and Daddy at this particular moment in time. Gods, this is so hard. Wouldn’t it be easier to just go back to the occasional fights they’d gotten use to having and call it a day? “Lunaaaa….” Alvina calls, rushing to pick up one of the inconsolable twins, who is brandishing her soaked cat and some piece of the game then flails. She throws the game piece, which is soft and harmless, with all the force of a baby. So basically like a limp noodle. Harper, taking this as an OK to start practicing her pitching, picks up another piece and throws it a good distance away. A moment that might have made Hudson proud if it wasn’t in a sea of screaming children. The Dragoness is asking to take Luna, suggesting they should maybe leave now with a broken smile? Alvina’s embarrassed, red in the face and handing over her daughter to this STRANGE WOMAN (exaggeration; they really do see each other daily) and feeling like the world’s worst mom. She kisses Harper, who is still crying, and makes a quiet motion to Hudson that they need to go. The visit is cut short but what had she expected?? A perfect moment? Impossible now. Once they are in the hallway, Alvina doesn’t know what to say. Everything either feels too vulnerable or too cold...so she doesn’t say anything. She just stares at the flooring and tries to reign in this feeling of somehow failing in her decision to make things better. Why did she feel so in the wrong?


Hudson likewise thinks that this fit isn't about not being permitted to eat his keys. He grabs Harper as Alvina swoops in to console Luna. They can't have their kids just disturbing the peace by throwing things everywhere, even if it isn't very hard. He kisses Harper's pinched and screaming face, she's upset now because she threw the game piece and now she wants it (she's pointing wildly at it). He tries talking to her in a quiet tone, this is embarrassing for him too. Can the situation appear more separated parents? The Dragoness is getting involved, it's been gently suggested that they're perhaps hungry, and now Alvina's relieved him of Harper, because daddy can't be trusted to do crap apparently. And now they've got to leave. Already. He feels like his heart's been scooped out with a blunt object. That's it? That's all the time he gets to spend with his children? He tries to look at her but she won't look at him and so they retrace their steps in silence, hardly acknowledging one another, to her office. Presumably so he can get his coat and leave and go back to sleeping in HIS office at THE Office (it's the only reasonably discreet place right now and he's at war). He shuts the door behind her, and then approaches her desk, where the folder is still sitting. He points at it, and sinks into the chair he'd occupied not too long before. Maybe she'd prefer he leave, but he doesn't. She looks tired, he realizes, run ragged, no doubt by their children. "Maybe hire a night nurse, you look tired," comes his suggestion. He bends to put his face in his hands, and, anticipating resistance from her, says forcefully: "TAKE the MONEY, Alvina." A beat, and he keeps talking, calmer. He stares at the floor. "I'm going to go in a second. I just want you to know that I'm sorry that I put you in this position, where you felt like this was the only thing you could do to protect our family. I can't change anything for you, but I'm not fighting you on this," his voice runs a little ragged, "although it freakin SUCKS." He rises to his feet. "Thanks for letting me see them."


Alvina moves back behind the protective barrier of her desk and shrinks, even with Hudson in the room. Everything she did or wanted to say felt wrong. Cruel. Even to her. She wants him to take her in his arms and tell her everything will be all right but...she made the mistake of trying to play protector and he -can’t- soothe her and keep his pride intact. She knows, wants to continue appearing strong but it’s exhausting...two kids and a job, to fight Hudson at every turn. Alvina feels herself tear up behind her hands, covering her face. She closes her eyes instead, to try and barricade the oncoming flood. When Hudson insists on her taking the money, she drops her arms down on the desk and stares at him through misty eyes. Her face is granite, her eyes are passionate flames. “I don’t need the money!-” It was his fault, she tried to remind herself. She was the one in the right. But she waited too long and she’s two breaths away from yelling at him when he’s apologized. She’s crying but she can’t fold. Words won’t form on her lips. If she says anything emotional now, she’ll collapse in on herself so she just nods and tries to wipe tears off her cheeks while he’s not looking at her. ‘Where you felt like this was the only thing you could do to protect -our- family.’ How could he say that, when he was probably enjoying the gangster life and sleeping around with all his witches, or maybe just exclusively Valrae. How was this fair? Alvina is standing her ground for the good of the children and he’s off canoodling and making drugs! Something Emelyan said rings in the back of her mind. “W-wait. Hudson.” It’s still distant, cautious. She sounds like she’s talking to a friend, ever mindful that she can’t use anything too affectionate. He’ll think her resolve is breaking. “I’m worried...about you and what you’re doing.” A pause, waiting for him to turn back around. Maybe question why she thinks so or what she knows. “I’m afraid a lot of people are going to get hurt if you keep doing this Hudson...Please just, bow out and stop making this junk. I know you could find a way if you really...” Really what? Wanted to? Tried? Her smooth plan of keeping her heart out of this fails. She’s still tearing up but her voice is breaking now, her hand is extended like all he need do is reach out to take it and they’d all be saved. It’s written there in her face; Come back to us, like he’d been the one to decide to go away instead of her.


Hudson turns as she calls out to him, slowly, as if she'd asked too much of him, or maybe she'll change her mind just as abruptly and send him away. Why's she saying this to him, he keeps his expression carved carefully blank. Her concerns scrape a laugh out of him. He looks at his feet. "People are going to get hurt. I'M going to hurt people," he agrees, lifting his gaze to her. She's crying, ugh. His face falls. "You can't ask me to let it slide, them going after you guys," he says, feeling the resolve bleed out of him. He frowns at her. "And you know I can't leave, at least not now, maybe not ever, it's not like a regular job. This guy I work with is crazy, and then there's everybody else I don't work with but who know me, Alvina. We'd be looking over our shoulders forever and have no insight into whether we're safe or not, no people for protection either." His gaze briefly flicks to her hand before returning to her face. He runs a hand over his face. He hasn't shaved since she left. "I miss you guys, and I want more than anything to be a family, but I can't do what you're asking," he rallies and tells her, feeling the harshness of the words. "And I think you know I can't," he adds, gentler.


Alvina stares at him. He’d never said any of that when he started. That there would be no going back if it got dangerous. He’d kept all that to himself. “You never should have started…” She sighs, weakly letting her arm drop. Her limbs then wrap across her chest, shielding her from his truth. She told Emelyan she’d try to reason with Hudson before doing anything drastic. He’d been the one to mention memory wiping ...why wasn’t he suggesting it with this business nonsense? Emelyan had promised her it would save all of them, and let them go back to being a normal family but Hudson didn’t appear to be considering this option at all. From the outside, it looks a bit like he’s continuously choosing his mobster lifestyle over his family...so fine. Go. “I don’t know why I even bothered.” Her tone is chilled, violently pointed. “You know that’s not what I’m asking you Hudson. I’m asking you to stop all this madness. It doesn’t have to be this way...but it looks like it’s what you want right now so I can’t stop you. You weren’t supposed to be in danger, you weren’t supposed to have people know who you are. You promised me…” Let’s just add another tally mark in that ‘lied to Alvina about something’ column and call it a day. He wants more than anything to be a family? Sure he does. She’ll believe that when he gets himself together and comes back home a clean man. “Just go…” She says, waving him off and walking to hold the door open for him. She doesn’t want to meet his eyes, doesn’t want to back down or have him call her out on whatever he thinks the truth is. Can’t he see how much she loves their daughters? That she’s willing to put them first instead of her own insecure feelings? This separation could be all the fuel he needed to go back to Valrae yet Alvina did it because she knew she had to. Why couldn’t he do the same? Why couldn’t he put them first, for once? Having children hadn’t changed anything...Alvina just got to feel all the lesser feelings for all three of them instead of just herself.


"You're right, I shouldn't have," agrees Hudson, meeting her gaze. He's not sure what he expects from her right now, but maybe he should have seen the sudden coldness coming. The old resentment comes alive inside of him. Now she wants to lash him for letting it get this bad, fine. He drops his eyes to the floor again, nods stiffly, sets his jaw. Reporting for flogging. He snorts as she asserts that his leaving the game is what she asked. Does she really know what she's asking? It's true he'd lied, at first, but maybe she'd put on blinders to the truth too. She dismisses him, and he obliges her. He gets his coat from the hooks by the door, looks at her to respond, saying only: "Let me know when I can see them next."


Alvina doesn’t say anything as Hudson goes. The door closes quietly behind him, the soft thud of her falling back against the door the last thing he might hear with those werewolf ears of his. Her hand is pressed against her mouth, muffling her brokenhearted sobs. Why can’t she ever get things right?