RP:Leaving Your Worries Behind

Summary: Meri finds Cal at home and broaches the subject of him seeing their daughter.

The Greenhouse, Sage Forest

The Rochester household (if you could really call it that) was about as quiet as it was the last time anyone showed up there--that is, until those carpenters had showed up anyway. They had done their job and did it well and it appeared that there’d not been any destruction to it since. The doors and some of the windows had been opened up and a Mr. Storm Cloud fed, which was evident by the way he was munching away at mixture of hay and grass. It didn’t look like there was any sort of break-in and if someone actually happened to walk inside, they’d smell the remnants of Cal’s steak and eggs breakfast, as well as the pot of the earl grey tea that still sat on the stovetop, steam still circling up out of the teapot’s spout. Eventually, after all of these clues that -someone- might be home and if further searching was done, the Catalian himself could be found sitting outside on the stone steps that led from within the house, to the outside world, and ultimately the dark woods beyond.

Meri did not spend her time creeping around the perimeter of the property like the last time, she did not have a chance. It was broad daylight when she was showing up, and Cal was already right outside. He’d see her approach before she can duck out of his line of sight to snoop around. Which was just fine by Meri, mostly. This time she was not trying to sleuth. This time she wanted to try and make the Catalian that is her baby daddy have a civil conversation with her. Well the hope is that it was civil. She can really only make him do so much. Even though this is Meri’s intention, she is not pleased that Cal was right outside. She wanted to have that chance to brace herself for this chat, and the talk from lawn to front door was where she had been planning on making these mental preparations. She is denied that opportunity, for the moment her blue eyes rest on Callum, her stomach finds its way into her throat. The blonde tilts her gaze to her boots as she closes the distance, coming to a halt just before his front porch. She does not step onto the porch, she halts just before it and greets Callum with a, “Hi. I was hoping we could talk.”

The blonde wasn’t hiding this time, so of course Cal would hear the footsteps that approach him, Meri’s boots shuffling through the grass. He looked up only enough to confirm that it was indeed her--he only need to see the aforementioned footwear after all--but didn’t lift his gaze any higher than that. “Why?” She hadn’t seemed entirely concerned about him before; rather her focus had been on the tree. She’d hardly heard the things he said (or yelled): there was a reason he was doing this, he’d almost been killed again--burned alive even. So what if he was talking to a tree? People talked to inanimate objects all the time, usually when something didn’t work properly. It’s not like he was sitting there having full conversations with the thing. People get a little crazy when they’re desperate and no one’s there to help them. No one’s there to trust anymore. He didn’t even entirely trust Eleanor, despite the fact that he now worked for her. All these thought processes ran through Cal’s mind, but he said nothing more on the outside. Instead, he just sipped his tea.

Meri did not fully know what Callum was thinking, not this time around. She could speculate, but her assumptions would be far from what he was actually thinking. The two of them seemed to have very different perceptions of this situation. Cal was convinced Meri did not care for numerous reasons, and Meri has been assuming the same. She did write to him shortly after Fleur was born, more or less opening the door for him to be able to know his daughter. Why. The question was a verbal knife that Cal just stuck into Meri’s back and made the woman feel instantly defeated, much like when she had brought Lionel to try and help Cal with the tree. Meri sighs. A jar of salve that was left on her doorstep in his game of ding-dong-ditch shortly after their little roguely job is lifted. “I guess I assumed that maybe we didn’t really hate each other and that there was a chance that we might be able to talk things out so perhaps things might be less awkward between us...and then making us less uncomfortable for other to people to be around.” Meri frowns and gives a shrug, lowering the hand that holds the jar of salve Cal has left for her. “If you want me to take a hike though, then I understand.”

“Have I ever hated you?” Cal took another sip of his tea, doing his best to not seem upset. He wasn’t really, but things were obviously still tense between the two of them, and it hadn’t taken much to stress him out lately. “That list isn’t very long and you’ve never been on it, Meri. You disappeared, with barely even a note left. How do you expect me to be? Between that and the dead witch and Caiburne and the likelihood of Kahran coming back… the year’s not exactly off to a great start, so… that should pretty much explain my behavior around you--or anyone in general, really.” The tea was finished and Cal rose from his spot, bare feet bringing him into the house. He didn’t tell her to leave, but he didn’t say anything else for the moment, instead continuing on through the house to the kitchen. He wanted more tea… and added a bit of milk of the poppy into it, just in case.

Meri shrugs in answer to Cal's initial question, but she let's him finish speaking completely before she even attempts to answer him. Except, he stands and turns to move inside before she has the chance. Meri frowns, trying to figure out how she was supposed to interpret this. He didn't slam the door behind him when he went inside, so maybe that was as close as an invitation to follow as she'd get? It was strange walking through this house for the first time in months. Meri frowned. "Maybe a little bit when you first met me," Meri says in response to him hating her. "Maybe a little bit when I first got back from the Shadow Planes...But I am not here trying to tell you how I think you should feel. That's not what I am saying. I am here to ask you if we can talk about it and work past this tension between us..." Meri knew Cal well enough to know how he took his tea, and she knew well enough that the milk the poppy was not part of his normal tea routine. At least it wasn't when Meri was here. Her frowning only continues in observing this, yet...she has been guilty of indulging in vices of her own to cope with things in the past. "You're right. I left without saying much of anything. I didn't know what to say. I still not entirely sure if I have figured out the right words...It's not like...we were doing a good job of talking the night that I left to begin with..." Meri points to the chair that she sat in the last time that they did have dinner together.

“That’s always been the problem with us, I guess. The communication,” Cal said with a heavy sigh, eventually sinking down into the chair Meri’d just been pointing at. “But, how exactly do you tell someone you still might not be ready, for something like children, especially when that situation’s already started? -And- was moving a hell of a lot quicker than it would with other people? I think… I might’ve been alright if we’d had the normal length of time, but I didn’t get that choice. -We- didn’t get that choice.” Callum furrowed his brows a bit as the thought lingered, in his head and in the air between them, then promptly tried to rid himself of it with a nice long drink of tea. It only helped a little. “That’s not exactly an easy thing to say to someone who definitely wanted children. And, I tried. I really did. With the dinner. And the bath. And the wine. But then you said it and made it properly a thing. You made it actually real and… I just. Could not. At all.”

All Meri can do is shrug when Callum points out they've always had the problem of communication. "I tried to work at being a better communicator." As for the rest of what Cal has just said? Meri frowns, feeling a little fidgety in the wake of this conversation. She wanted to sit down, but she also wanted to pace, yet Meri was trying to keep her person still by ignoring both urges. Arms are folded across her chest and blue eyes come to rest upon her beat up boots. "But even if we're not great at it, based on what you are explaining to me now...I am still not convinced that I misunderstood you that night. Our relationship has been full of a number of adjustments. We've both made them, plenty of them, for one another...and not once have we ever really highlighted that fact to the other. Until Fleur. So by telling me? I felt like it was one adjustment you were not really sure that you actually wanted...I'm sorry if I made it real? I thought that was the point. You told me...to go confirm it. What else was I supposed to do...? Not talk about it at all?" Meri sighs, trying to lift her gaze to meet Callum's, but not really having the heart. "It seemed to me that if I had stayed and made you play the role of daddy to Fleur that you would have ended up unhappy, that you could have come to resent our life. I'm sorry that all of this was unplanned and happened so fast and that there was only so much choice involved, but I'm not going to try and force you to raise a child you don't want to raise..." Meri pauses. "And for the record. Child. Not children. One. I wanted one."

Cal smirked once Meri was done with her side of things, “You could’ve ended up with twins or something, Meri. That’s not exactly a thing you can control.” The smirk would fade and he’d sigh, taking another sip of his tea, “I did tell you to confirm it, because at the time, I thought I was ready too. And maybe I was. But, honestly… I don’t even think I was like that because you were pregnant. It’s more… I had zero control whatsoever over the situation. Couldn’t slow the pregnancy down so we could have more time to figure things out. It didn’t feel like I had anytime whatsoever to prepare, even just a little.” The Catalian stared down into his cup, swirling the tea around a bit. “I was--and even still am--scared about this whole thing, because I don’t even know where to begin with it all. My parents weren’t exactly good role models. There’s certain parental figures throughout Lithrydel I definitely wouldn’t emulate. And now I’ve missed Fleur’s birth and her first couple of months. With the way Alvina and Hudson’s kids grow, I’m assuming she’s doing the same, and it makes me wonder if I should even get involved at all.” He paused, took a sip, and then continued, “Especially with that whole frakking mess out there.” He meant the Caiburne tree and motioned in the direction of it to show that that’s what he was talking about. “And the extreme likelihood that Kahran is going to come back. If Lionel was right and Caiburne was one of Kahran’s? I don’t even know. He was -strong-, Meri. The only reason I survived was the skull.” Which explains why he chose to keep it. “So, with all that to think about, how am I supposed to function as a parent and deal with all of that at the same time? I can barely do half of that right now.” Cal’s hand had begun to shake a little, his anxiety coming back as he spoke about unpleasant things;he did his best to stifle it with more tea, the milk of the poppy helping somewhat.

Meri is not sure how she feels about Cal's smirk and correction about twins. It's a valid point and he's not wrong, but it's not like it's a great point to hear. "Yeah. Well. I was not thinking or worrying about half of the things that were going through your mind. I wasn't exactly trying to make myself into a perfect little housewife either..." The blonde shrugs. "...Mostly I was thinking about what pretty eyes our kid would have. And that if something ever happened to you, a child would be like having a piece of you always." Meri rolls her eyes at her own sappy thinking as she folds her arms across her chest. Look where they were standing now. By now, Meri has already come to accept that Callum is likely not going to meet his daughter, but this conversation is making it a reality. Cal can probably empathize with this moment. Meri made their pregnancy a reality. "Anyway. I am not sure what else to say...I'm not here to try and force you into your daughter's life. I'm sure you're already well aware of what I want. But. That's your choice to make, you're welcome in it if that's what you want..." The frown that has been on Meri's lips barely has a chance to vanish before it appears again, this time it lingers there as she goes on to say. "If it's not reason, it's another." Before it was the witch hunters, now it was the tree. "Like they're valid concerns. It can be done, If not then the population would be hurting more than it is. All of that aside though...I'm not just going to abandon you and leave you to deal with that mess back there by yourself. I know..you're doing what you can, but I want to help. I'm sorry that I hurt you by leaving the way that I did, but you're still someone that I care about so I can't leave you to deal with that thing back there on your own in good conscious."

‘You’re still someone that I care about’, she said. Callum really wasn’t entirely sure about that at all. There was seemingly no sympathy the day Meri’d brought Lionel to the house. Sure, Cal was upset--and rightly so in his mind--but she’d seen him that way before. She should’ve known it was a lot more than the stereotypical rage session. He’d been left alone, by not just Meri but the witches too, hurt both physically and mentally, and yet… it hadn’t really seemed like it’d mattered. It’s not that he hadn’t heard the other things she’d said just now; he was still trying to sort things out in his head. He was back to not being able to figure her out either and that didn’t help things. Things were likely a lot less frakked up than they seemed to be, but after the things he’d had to deal with the past few months, the anxiety and fear they’d created wrapped around his mind like a barrier, to keep out common sense.

There’d be silence between them for a bit as Cal processed things, the rest of his tea drank. “I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to explain it in a way you can understand, Meri. They’re not just excuses to me. You’ve seen a lot more crazy frakked up stuff than I have; you’re used to it. I’m not.” He was trying really hard to get her to see his side of things, but if it didn’t work, then he might as well just give up. Sighing, he reached into an inside pocket in his shirt, one he’d had put in all of his shirts ages ago as a place to hide a few extra bank notes should some moron in Cenril feel like mugging him. There was no money to be had right now; some days a simple mugging seemed preferable to all the things he’d had to deal with of late. Instead, he pulled out a familiar piece of paper and slid it across the table in her direction. It was that rather short letter she’d sent to him about Fleur. It’d been opened up and refolded several times, nearly to the point of fraying, and inside it a dried niphredil--one of the one’s he’d cross-pollenated months ago when they were still in Larket. “I don’t even know if it’s entirely wise for me to make a lot of decisions right now, after the way you’ve seen me lately. So, if -you- think it’s a good decision, then you let me know when.”

It mattered, but Meri couldn't even begin to know what Cal was thinking to try and explain herself. In her mind, the fact that she had even shown up and attempted to bring any amount of help should have demonstrated that it mattered. Just another communication breakdown. Meri would allow Callum the silence that he needed to process everything, though the longer that he was silent the more that Meri became nervous for his answer. "I am trying to understand...to be open about what you are telling me. I don't think you're just making excuses..." Cal produces the note she wrote him, letting him know Fleur was born. Meri is surprised to find it's kept on his person. It's the blonde's turn to fall into a moment of silent, more because she's trying to decide what to think about Cal keeping the letter than needing to figure out what to say. When she does speak, she is reaching for her set of keys so that she can retrieve one of her duplicates from the key ring. It's set on the table before Cal. "The way I see it...She's your daughter so you should be able to come and go as your please." Within reason, obviously. Of course Meri has no concern that Cal would actually show up at odd hours. "And the way I see it...it should be up to you to decide when is good for the first meeting. So...just send me a note when you're ready. I hope sooner over later. But whenever you're ready, let me know and I will make sure that I am there." Meri pauses. "And yes..She's aging faster. I don't want you to be overly shocked when you meet her. She's already working on being on the move...She's not walking yet but she's pretty hellbent on getting there fast."

Dark brows furrowed as Meri confirmed his suspicions about Fleur growing faster than a normal human child. He does his best to mask his disappointment in this revelation, but ultimately it wasn’t something he could change and was his fault that he missed those first stages of her life. He’d nod eventually, after taking in what she said, “Alright. I’ll let you know.” He opened his mouth again, thought better of it, and closed it. Words had been the things that frakked up the situation in the first place and wasn’t going to fix things, no matter how much he wanted to continue to explain his side of things and even try to apologize. “I’m sure it’ll be soon. It’s not like I’ve much else to do as of late anyway, since Eleanor brought me on board.” Besides keeping an eye on that tree anyway.

It was obvious to Meri that Cal was considering saying something but thought better of it. There is a certain amount of curiosity, but so far their conversation has gone decently enough...and Meri does not want to mess that up by pushing Callum to speak his mind any further than he already has. "Alright. That sounds good. Well...I guess I will get out of your hair. And hopefully I will see you soon." As those words are spoken, Meri migrates toward the door leading out of the kitchen area. She has no issues with showing herself out after their goodbye's are spoken. The woman does give pause in the door way though, so that she can add on. "Let me know if you ever need help, yeah? Not just with the tree..just, anything." Not that Meri was keen on calling off the help she hired to assist in guarding Cal's property. A bit more gently, "And, um, you know...maybe don't be hitting that tea you're drinking too hard...." These words were not coming from a place of judgement. just concern. Meri gives a half-shrug and then turns to show herself out.

Callum would nod to both of Meri’s statements, about help and the tea. It wasn’t something he’d planned on when he would eventually go to meet with her and their kid, but the reminder was somewhat appreciated. “Yeah. See you, Meri.” Once she left, he’d drink that tea just a little more slowly and started thinking over just what the heck he should bring with him when he does finally see his daughter.