RP:Learning To Lean

Part of the Sharknado Arc

Part of the The Whisperer In Darkness Arc

Part of the Magic, Madness, and Mayhem Arc

Summary: Lanara is wandering aimlessly, when it dawns on her that she’s standing before the Ginger Snapped Bakery and Sweetshop in Cenril. What drew her to Khitti’s place at this hour of the night? The bakery is closed, however the redhead is still working, and upon seeing the witch, she beckons for her to come inside. The two women share a bottle of whiskey and their woes, while providing a shoulder of support, and some advice. Khitti feels an emptiness in her soul, as she struggles to find the balance of light and dark, and seeks to bond with another God, to wield that power. Lana is concerned with her lack of empathy towards others, and she feels that with each painful experience, the less of a conscience she seems to possess. As the two part, they agree to build on their friendship, and to rely more on the support and knowledge that both the Paladin’s and Adventurer’s Guild can provide.

Lanara hadn’t been her normal bubbly self the past week, and at the last guild meeting she had been short with the members. Something was weighing heavily on her mind, and being the sort of woman to bottle it all up inside, she was like a ticking time bomb, ready to go off at the slightest inconvenience. The sun set about an hour ago, and she walks alone, without an animal companion, or the appropriate attire for the brisk autumn air. Donning a pair of leggings, a tee-shirt, ankle boots, and a backpack, she lifts her head and inhales the salty air. How had she wound up in Cenril? The last she recalled, she was leaving the headquarters in Xalious, and she was intent on heading to her small cottage in Sage… But somehow, she was drawn to the atmosphere of the beach. Confusion reigns, and it dawns on Lana that she has to open up to someone, to allow herself to be vulnerable, even if only for one night. Glancing to the left and right, she gathers her thoughts, not quite ready to head back the way she had come. Following her intuition, she walks along the path, and stands before the Ginger Snapped Bakery. She expects the place to be closed; though it’s not sweets she’s looking for, just a particular redhead.

Khitti hadn’t been her normal self in… well… months. She was very much like Lanara in a lot of ways, with the bottling up of thoughts and emotions, and she’d been masking it with quite a bit of alcohol lately. Probably too much alcohol--to the point that it was starting to tread dangerously into the alcoholic zone. Khitti’d been shirking her duties at the bakery as of late. She’d assigned someone else to take care of the accounting and to be honest, the bakery itself ran like a well-oiled machine without her. Almost -too well-. To the point that Khitti wondered why she even still went there. She felt like a figurehead for the place and nothing more. In an attempt to seem like more than that, she was taking care of the day’s paperwork, going over the numbers for the day in the bakery’s restaurant area. The business was definitely closed and only a candle lit the immediate area around the redhead. A bottle of whiskey accompanied her, and was the reason why she did her work so late, so that those that worked for her wouldn’t see. And yet, she was seen anyway, except not by one of them. The feeling of being watched briefly sent a chill down her spine, a reminder of things that happened in Venturil, leading Khitti to finally look towards the shop’s window. Lanara was spotted, and crimson brows furrowed as the templar stood, went to the door, unlocked it, opened it, and greeted the witch, “Lanara…? What are you doing here?”

Lanara peers through the window, seeing a single candle lit atop a table, the shadows dancing on the wall which each flicker of heat. She should leave; Khitti was busy with work, and likely wanted to unwind after a long day at the bakery. Why had she come here, of all places? She had close friends that lived in the area, and if she didn’t want to be alone, she could have gone for a drink at the lively Whalers, yet her steps had brought her to the storefront. Always one to trust her gut, the witch crosses her arms over her chest, raised bumps noting that she was chilled from the drop in temperature. Lana is about to turn away and head home, regretting that she was seeking a shoulder to lean on, as she wasn’t one to pour her heart out to anyone. The fears of being judged, abandoned, and betrayed… They ran high with the witch. She had been ridiculed for her beliefs since the day she was brought into this world, and it was instilled in her mind, that not everyone was as they appeared to be. There was something about Khitti. Perhaps it was because she was the spiritualist of the Adventurer’s Guild, or the fact that she ran the Paladin’s Guild? Maybe Lana saw a kindness in those emerald eyes, and felt a unique kinship? Whatever the reason, and despite her intentions to turn away, she remains rooted in place, and smiles faintly as Khitti unlocks the door. “Hi, Khitti…” She pauses, glancing past the woman and eyeing the stack of papers and the bottle of whiskey on the table. She could definitely use a drink, to warm her up, and to ease her mind. “Can I come in? I… Um… I think I need someone to talk to…”

Khitti didn’t feel kind. She didn’t feel much of anything at all besides guilt, and anger, and sadness. She practically mirrored the way Brand was when he first arrived here in Lithrydel. There was a great need to constantly be alone, to drink her sorrows away. She’d worried about Brand back then when they’d gotten a little closer, told him he needed to cut back, and here she was doing the exact same thing. The hypocrisy was bitter in her mouth but the whiskey washed it all away. “Of course you can. Come on,” the redhead said as she reached for Lanara’s hand to guide her inside, and sit her down across from where she’d been, at the small, two person table. The stack of papers she’d been mulling over, as well as the pencil she’d been using, were haphazardly thrown together and tossed to the nearest table for now. “What’s wrong?” Khitti pushed the alcohol bottle towards the witch--she didn’t care if Lanara drank from it as well, but she’d get her a glass if the witch deemed it necessary.

Lanara gives Khitti’s hand a gentle squeeze, showing gratitude that she was suddenly unable to voice. Finding words was never a struggle, though lately; she had been quiet, preferring to dwell on the past, and to spend her free time alone. The two sit across from each other, and it’s now that she gets a good look at her friend, and it’s not what she sees that is the concern, it’s what she doesn’t see. Those enchanting eyes aren’t sparkling with that zest for life, the easy smile isn’t on her fair face, and she seems tired. Recalling the last guild meeting, Lana is pretty sure that both Meri and Khitti had been unusually silent… Had the two had a falling out? It’s strange that she came here to seek assistance, yet the moment she sees another that may be in need, her own thoughts are cast aside and she wishes to help in any way. “How are you doing, Khitti?” The words are gentle, and though she wouldn’t be daring enough to pry into the redhead’s life, they both knew she wasn’t asking a generic question. The way she asks intends she wants an accurate answer; something deeper than the usual retort of ‘fine’ or ‘great’ as the witch can sense something is amiss. Was it Dominic? Brand? Lana waits on bated breath, fully prepared to hang on Khitti’s every word, if the woman were to even issue a reply. The bottle is gratefully accepted, and tilted to Lana’s lips, where she take a long and satisfying pull. It burns, as whiskey often does going down, but at this moment, it’s the comfort that she seems to need. After having an appropriate share, she slides the bottle back to Khitti.

Khitti’s brows furrowed again, this time with confusion instead of concern. She opened her mouth to say the usual “I’m fine” but the words didn’t come out. Dark eyes watched Lanara as she drank the whiskey, the redhead looking somewhat like a fish out of water, her mouth twitching somewhat in an attempt to find those words she’d been spewing for the past few moons. “That’s not why you’re here, Lanara,” Khitti said finally, with a faintly-mustered smile given to the witch in an attempt help shift the topic away from herself, “You’re clearly far from home and don’t seem to be in the best of spirits. What’s wrong? Has something happened?” A hand outstretched to meet the bottle as it was pushed back to her, the whiskey then brought to her lips, to dull her own emotions and help her keep that mask up that she’d been wearing as of late.

Lanara can tell from the dodging of her inquiry that Khitti was far from alright, and though she wants to know what’s bothering her, she won’t outright pry. Perhaps if she opens up a little, the other will wish to get a few things off of her chest? Isn’t that how things were done in these lands? Back in Kelvar one would sit beneath the moon and meditate, and your heart wouldn’t feel as heavy. Lana had tried that, the past six nights, and it had proved unsuccessful. Either the witches of old were horrible liars, or they weren’t speaking to the same moon. The question is returned to her once more, and she nips her lower lip, unsure where to begin. She had witnessed many horrors in her lifetime, some of which she had been a participant of, though those that knew Lanara well, knew she wouldn’t behave improper unless she had a very good reason. As of late? Sighing, she clears her throat, “I… I feel like I’m losing my way, Khitti. I don’t think I have much of a conscience anymore… If it’s a fellow witch, or someone that I care deeply for, or an animal… My empathy is right there with them, and I care so deeply… But if it’s a stranger? Or someone that I don’t know well? I find myself so easy to turn my back on another in need. I don’t bat an eye at witnessing a death, or seeing another tortured. Until it hits too close to home. I feel like my heart is hardening. I’m not evil, or anything like that! But… I feel like I don’t care about all the things I used to care for, at least not as much as I should, if that makes sense?” Chocolate hues flick to the bottle as it’s upended to Khitti’s lips, and she continues, knowing the other was preoccupied with the drink and wouldn’t interrupt. “I’ve realized that life is short and that we are all expendable. Does that make me a bad person? I-I am terrified that something awful will happen to someone on this sharknado adventure. I’m literally asking people to risk their lives for strangers. And it’s wrong that I care more for the well-being of the sharks than the villagers… I just… I’m scared. This is not who I am.”

Khitti finished with the whiskey for the time being, dwelling on the witch’s words. “No. That doesn’t make you a bad person. You’ve just become numb to the things in this world that -are- bad. It happens when you’ve seen things like that. Death. Destruction. Cruelty. Like Brand told me once upon a time, you can’t go back from that. He said, ‘When you’ve faced less, everything hits a little bit harder.’ And, it’s not that what you’re going through, or what you will be going through is insignificant, you just… feel it a lot more the first few times that life upends you.” She smiled bitterly at the thought. Back then when he told her that, she’d seen plenty of horrors, but even more had awaited her. All of that, everything, it all just seemed so dull and grey now. “People die, Lanara. People know that. The people in the guild know that. If they didn’t want to help, they’d just say no. It’s not like you’re forcing them to do it. Though, I guess, there are times where even -that’s- called for. For the greater good or whatever. I’m sure you care about the villagers too, but it’s just not something you want to focus on right now and that’s not bad. It can cause a distraction, keep you from doing the things you need to. Distractions… they don’t help.” Khitti sighed, taking another swig of alcohol.

Lanara lowers her gaze to the table, as a single tear splashes onto her hand, and she sniffles. It felt so refreshing being able to open up to another… As she had struggled with these thoughts for so long. She didn’t enjoy the woman she was becoming, true, but maybe this was all a big part of maturing. The sights she had seen, the losses she had endured, the life she had lost twice, and the fact that she was much stronger than she gave herself credit for… How had she not counted all of that into the equation? “Brand is a wise man…” She hopes to meet the man one day, now that she’d already met his wife and their adorable son. Lana had even met Lionel on a few occasions, and of course she had come to know Meri, before having met any of them. Their whole crew was close knit, and they had lived colorful lives, so they all must know what they are talking about. The respect that shines in her eyes as she lifts them to lock with Khitti’s is visible, and Lana’s lips curve into a soft smile. “Thank you… Sometimes you just need someone to listen, and to say you aren’t crazy for thinking dark thoughts now and again… Or for just feeling ‘numb’ about things that are happening and are out of your control. I’m sorry that I showed up here unannounced and that I disturbed your work…” Tucking an unruly strand behind a tapered ear, Lana clears her throat, “Khitti, would you bless our trip, before we all set out for Rynvale? I think it would do the team some good. They need to look to someone for guidance, should their minds grow clouded with all the trials we will face. I feel better having spoken to you… Others would too.” The witch knows that something heavy is weighing on Khitti’s mind, so she lowers her voice to just above a whisper, trying once more, “I hope you know that you can talk to me about anything… It would stay between the two of us.”

Khitti actually managed a genuine smile, albeit a faint one, as Lanara showed her appreciation for Brand, “He is. He’s been through a lot too. Even more because of me.” She made a face at the thought, then shook her head, “And you’re welcome.” She blinked at the mention of blessing the group before they went out on their excursion, “Bless them? Me?” Those furrowed brows of concern make themselves known again as Khitti shifted her attention away from the witch and down to the table, “I’m not really sure I’m the right person to be blessing anyone right now, Lanara.” A frown emerged, and then a sigh, the former vampiress finally voicing her thoughts, “I’ve let a lot of people down lately… and even before that, after Dominic was born, I’ve had this sort of emptiness growing inside me. Ever since some problems in Venturil reared its ugly head a few months back, the hole’s gotten bigger. I don’t feel like myself. I feel like a shell. I miss the darkness. I was so excited to finally get my holy magic from my sword, to have it be really properly mine… but now I feel like an imposter. I never really believed in the gods until I had to find my vampirism cure. Til I died and Vakmathras’ power brought me back. Arkhen got rid of the undeadness, but it was really the shadows that brought me back. And then it was taken away… and the light came, but… it’s not the same.” She was rambling and she knew it, so she only just shook her head and took another drink of whiskey before continuing. “The darkness was promised to me by someone evil, someone hurting everyone else in Venturil. I didn’t take his deal then, and now he’s gone, and I feel like I’ve missed my chance. I don’t even know if I -can- wield light and shadow. If it’s ever been done. But that distraction cost me a lot--a lot of people died out there in those byrgs. Because of me. And they hate me there. So much so that they pick fights with me… and I don’t even care. I fight them because I don’t care and I wear the bruises and cuts they give me because I don’t have anything else.”

Lanara is quiet as Khitti hesitates about blessing the group, and she leans forward, knowing that the woman was about to open up. The words flow from her lips, as she tells her tale of feeling as though she were a disappointment to others, and finally the bitter truth… That she was disappointed in herself, for her actions and inaction. It’s a little hard to follow as Lana didn’t know much about reversing vampirism, or being chosen by a holy sword, but she hangs on every word. Every so often a nod is given, to assure Khitti that she’s listening, and that she understands what is being told, even if she doesn’t entirely agree with each statement. The final sentence is heartbreaking, and she swallows, collecting her own thoughts, before she is able to form a reply. “I lived in Venturil for a few months, back when I was engaged to Eirik. I fear that those lands have suffered greatly, for centuries, and you can’t blame yourself for everything that goes wrong in the world. It’s almost as though the lands are cursed. And… I know this will feel like a slap in the face, but you just told me that people die, there are always casualties, and that you can feel remorse, but you don’t have to take it personal. They choose to live there, when they could easily relocate. They given into their hatred and fight you, because they are looking for someone to blame. I think that instead of fighting them, and wearing your scars as a form of punishment, you need to help them in the ways that you are able to... Help to heal, lend coin, food, shelter, clothing, all sorts of things. You can even host a fundraiser. I would be happy to help, if you needed any assistance. No matter how much ‘bad’ has been done, people will see the ‘good’ you are trying to do.” Lana snags the bottle and takes a sip from it, thinking on the next serious of worries that Khitti mentioned, and she thinks how alike they both are, “I wield light and darkness. Why can’t you? Witches have the power to use both forms of magic, for good or for evil. I think –both- are necessary, as long as you are aware of the repercussions and using them for a better purpose. Is there a way to contact this man?” Lana is making it all sound so simple, when in reality none of this would be easy. However, she knows that like attracts like, and it couldn’t hurt to remain positive for her friend. “Maybe you feel empty because there’s a part of you missing. If you are only ‘light’ or only ‘shadowed’ then there can’t be a balance.”

Khitti sighed when Lanara pointed the flaws out in her thoughts. She knew the things she’d said to Lanara would also apply to herself as well and it showed on those pale features of hers. “Both -are- necessary. But, I don’t know if it’s something -I- can do. Nature -is- a balance of things, but the gods themselves are different. Most of them care about their domain and that only. Cyris himself is so strict that that’s why I didn’t become a paladin like Zahrani. I don’t have the discipline and I’m far too understanding of those that find themselves in the darkness like I used to. But beyond that, even if I was able to, I don’t even know what everyone else would think. So many I’ve met, the ones that I’ve tried encouraging the positives about following gods like Delisha and Vakmathras, they give me looks. Doubt my ability to lead. They can’t see beyond the ones that are truly evil to see that there -are- those that follow them that are good. I thought I’d found someone that could. A drow named Encara. But she’s gone now. Gone off elsewhere after I asked her to join the guild, to represent Delisha and help me fight off this negativity.” She shook her head eventually, shifting the conversation towards the man she’d mentioned earlier, “Gabriel’s just up and vanished. It’s not wise that I make deals with that man and his devils. I’ve done it before, but not with him, and it hurt my family. We had a connection, a psychic bond, for a time. I saw the things he did. He murdered people, stole their souls with a dagger, to feed his mind flayer master. That’s not where I want my dark magic to come from. Not again.”

Lanara nods as Khitti explain in further detail, understanding that some Gods were temperamental and others weren’t eager to share their powers with one that worked with both light and darkness. Where did that leave the woman? “Well… Maybe you just have to explore more, and try to meet others. This Gabriel doesn’t sound like a viable option… And I know Encara! Though… I haven’t seen her since the shadow plane incident, sadly. She’s the first drow that I called a friend.” Lana wishes she could be more help, though she’s not sure what she can say that will remedy the woman’s feelings. “There are tons of Gods and Goddess’ and I’m sure one would agree to your terms. Maybe it’s not meant to happen overnight. Or maybe you haven’t met the right one yet? I’m a firm believer in fate. When it’s meant to be, it’ll be.” Giving a shake of her head, she faintly smiles, “I don’t doubt your ability to lead, not one bit. I think you just haven’t found the perfect match.”

Khitti || “Yeah, I guess so. Arkhen and Vakmathras worked together long enough to turn me human again, and there was even a small bit of help from Delisha too. I guess I’m just gonna have to study more. Who knows, we may even find something someday out on a mission with the guild.” Khitti sighed again, much as she always did when she was in this sort of mood, but it didn’t seem so… weighed down. “Thank you, Lanara. It’s been hard trying to get Meri and Lionel to see what I’m trying to say. Meri doesn’t have magic--her powers are of the mind. And Lionel? He doesn’t have any magic at all really. All that fire’s basically from his sword. And… I really haven’t talked to Brand about it. I don’t want to bother him. He doesn’t need to be sucked into this sort of thing anymore. He’s got people, his crew, to take care of. To make sure they’re fed and what not. He’s gotta help them survive. I don’t want to add another burden to his shoulders again--I’ve done that enough since we’ve known each other.” She does manage a smile again though, despite her thoughts, “But, I do feel better. I hope you do too. If you’re still not feeling quite right, there’s always the Sanctum too. You won’t be alone there, but it’s quiet, and that seems to help me at times. Just to know that someone -is- there in case they’re needed.” The candle that’d been burning was nearly at its end now, prompting Khitti to realize how late it was getting, “But, for now, you should rest. If you don’t want to go home just yet, you could stay in our apartment upstairs. I can give you the key and you can make yourself at home. Eat whatever. Sleep wherever. It’s up to you. And if you need me here, I can stay. Otherwise, I’ll be going back to the Tranquility and you can have the place to yourself.”

Lanara gives an eager nod, as she knew that research was vital, before making any important decisions. “Feel free to use any of the tomes at the guild, and if you ever want to talk to me about any higher powers that I happen to be acquainted with… I’m happy to share any knowledge that I have with you. And… I really do feel better. Thank you for letting me just vent, and have a drink. I honestly didn’t know who to turn to lately, and it was as though something kept pulling me to your bakery. It’s as if fate decided we should confide in each other… I know it may seem like Meri and Lionel don’t truly understand what you’re going through, but the important thing is that they will listen and provide any help you may need. Brand is your partner. I know how you feel! As much as I may love someone, it’s sometimes easier to not admit when you’re not feeling the best, or you feel like you failed at something… You only want them to see you in the best light. He –should- know these things are bothering you, and you are not a burden, Khitti. The man is going to marry you, so he’s more than willing to take on all your moments of happiness and sadness.” The offer of using the apartment upstairs touches the witch, and for a moment she’s completely taken back by such a grand gesture. Lana is actually choked up as she replies, “Thank you, that is so incredibly sweet, but I must be getting back home. I rescued this raccoon, and if I don’t feed him, he’s going to tear another hole in the wall, or eat another pair of heels.” She gives an exaggerated eye roll, but the redhead can see the faint blush in Lana’s high cheekbones. Not many cared for her well being, and when someone showed their concern, she grew uneasy. Rising from her chair, she pulls Khitti in for a hug, and her gaze falls on the nearly empty bottle of whiskey. Was this becoming a habit for the woman? “You better get home to Dominic. I’m sorry that I kept you here so late. Thank you for cheering me up, and I hope that you’re feeling a little lighter now that you talked about what’s bothering you? My door is always open, Khitti. And… If you’re ever feeling low, stop by the sanctuary. Spend some time with the puppies, and you’re guaranteed to smile and forget your troubles for a short while.” Lana pauses, after giving her a gentle squeeze and releasing her from the hug, “I’d like to visit the Sanctum, soon. And… Maybe we can meet up again, later in the week? I think it may be good for us to talk to each other… I can really use a friend.”

Khitti listened to Lanara as she spoke, nodding along with her, that smile of hers that’d been there before still remaining. “I was going to be here late anyway. It’s alright. And, I’ll keep all of that in mind. And sure, we can try to meet up. You go on home to your raccoon then and be careful. Meri told me about those witch hunters. They seemed to have vanished, but you never know.” She’d return the hug she was given and then send Lanara on her way. The next day, she’d have someone in the bakery send along a basket of cookies and such, things that helped Khitti when she was upset. There was even a bottle of that same whiskey. Khitti would of course go home, but she’d not tell Brand anything just yet. She wasn’t sure what to say. How to say it. But, she did feel a little better, at least.