RP:Funny Rp with Hans in the Tavern

• FUNNY RP WITH HANS IN THE TAVERN

• Kelay Tavern

Built and rebuilt, torn apart and set like stubborn bone, this tavern is the pinnacle of Hollow's entirety, wrought around the premise of peace, equality, and consummate amity. And of course, the old place had seen all of the three, but so much more. Dire markings of claw and steel cut deep into wall panels and floorboards. Set against the land's usual motif of destruction are signs of comfort. Twisting shadows and smoothing out a careful blanket of light with soft, quaint fires, a candelabra dangles down by thick cords, gripping the circular holder. Each twists up, converging upon the center, where they snake about one another and form a thick, secure anchor to Kelay Tavern's high, accommodating ceiling. The candelabra rattle now and again from the inn patrons overhead, pouring down globs of wax to the center of the room, which is wide and unobstructed. Cheaply carpentered tables and chairs grow outward around the bare dancing area, keeping to the rounded theme, and also keeping to a dwarven barkeep's avariciously born taste for 'economical' furniture. Hardly any expense has been wasted on the actual upkeep of the public center though, as can be garnered from the smell of deep pine, rich tobacco, and even richer spirits. Stairs twist away dimly near the high bar. And atop that side rests the inn logs, quill, and ink. This establishment's fine keeper, Mesthak, can be seen smiling out from his post at the bar, straight across to the room's always crackling stone-wrought hearth. Behind him, atop lofty shelves, sits an array of dark, amber, and clear liquids. Food smells waft from somewhere near at hand. A carefully printed and hung sign details the purchasable items here in the place of merriment, loss, laughter, and life. Also, tucked into a corner near one of two windows closest to the tavern doorway is a thickly papered bulletin board. A sign has been added next to the board that reads, 'The management requires patrons be fully inebriated at all times and that no curing spells be performed in this tavern-Thank you'.

Hans Flarps in protest at Dawn as she did not point out the toad was provoked.

Halegaeson said OOC, "Hey guys, I got stuck in a weird city... Something about Nagas, anyway how do I get out of here?"

Hans said to Oruki, "Flarp!"

Hans up chucks a Halegaeson.

Halegaeson ooc Thanks again... I don't know how I got stuck in that weird city of Nagas

Oruki rubs his eyes as he stirs from his sleep. The boy quickly sits up straight stretches his back before taking a look around the place. Oruki's attention darts directly to this "Flarping Toad" thingy. "What in the Dragon's patootee?! " He exclaims as he curiously rushes to grab the creature.

Dawn huffs looking up at the toad, sticking her tongue out rather childishly up at the toad.

Hans squats on the candelabra looking unassuming.

Dawn said to Veriun, "It spat at me."

Peku said to Dawn, "You got arrows don't cha? Fire!"

Dawn said to Peku, "Why?"

Hans heats up the old toad eye beams and flarps at Dawn warningly.

Peku said to Dawn, "Perfect target practice of course"

Oruki leaps up onto the nearest table and uses it as a springboard to dive headlong into the air, attempting to grab either the candelabra or the slimy critter.

Veriun shakes his head "I don't recommend attacking it"

Hans scuttles out of the way.

Dawn folds her arms across her chest suddenly, glaring up at the toad,

Hans said to Dawn, "Flarp?"

Kain shakes his head. I don't think shootin' arrows in a tavern be a wise idea." He then turns to Oruki and motions to the public board. "Signin' yer name as a jewel thief not be encouragin' me lad. Seems ye be lookin' ta git yerself inta trouble."

Veriun shakes his head and walks over catching his fiancé in a hug to lighten her mood. "don't bother with it too much."

Dawn said to Hans, "Beast."

You looked at Hans.

Hans looked at you.

Hans said to you, "Flarp."

Hans said to Dawn, "fer flarp?"

Oruki doesn't even come close to the candelabra or his intended target. The now weightless jewel thief begins his doomed decent. The boy falls, fast and hard, heading directly for the edge of a crowded table. Unceremoniously, Oruki crashes down through the thick wooden table, landing flat on his back as his breath is knocked clean from him. He gasps for a while before regaining his breath and replying, "I get the feeling that today isn't going to be a good day." The little guy then proceeds to pass out. Kain sighs and shrugs. "Don't let it bother ye sis. Ye manage ta finish yer gown?"

Kain said to Hans, "Er. Flarp?"

Dawn mood changes completely when `Veriun` hugs her " fine. It better stay away from me"

Hans said to Oruki, "flar-harp."

Oruki said to Hans, "Flar-harp you, you slimy little critter! What's that supposed to mean?"

Hans said to you, "Flarp gribbit flarp."

Peku tugs Veriun's sleeve to get his attention.

Dawn grasps at the loud crash " Oh my is he ok!!"

You said to Dawn, "I'm sure ye be lookin' beautiful in it."

Hans said to Oruki, "Flarp a de flarp."

Dawn smiles smugly " umm I made it"

Hans sings a song of life to Oruki. You can see Oruki is healed for 55.

Veriun turns his head to peku, seeing as Oruki already woke up

Oruki lays on his back, but turns to face the Flarp Toad before replying, "Are you asking me if I speak "flarp"?".

Veriun raises an eyebrow but nods at peku

Hans said to Oruki, "Gla flarp."

Oruki said to Hans, "That was something like, "good job" or something like that, huh?" Dawn narrows her eyes.

Hans said to Oruki, "flarpbtuse."

Oruki said to Hans, "Now what in the butt Goddess' name does that mean? I'm lost."

Hans said to Oruki, "Gribbit flarp."

Veriun said to Dawn, "I'll be riiight back"

Veriun exits south.

Oruki said to Hans, "Hey, hey, now! What's all this "gribbit" stuff about, huh?"

Kain looks at Oruki. "Well, when I said trouble, I wasn't intendin' fer ye ta punish yerself." He then looks at Hans and shrugs. "I hate ta say, but I be thinkin' little Violet be easier ta understand then ye." Looking at Oruki again, he addd, "I done talked with yer ma, she be approvin' o the idea 'o me train' ye ta use a blade, 'n Lucia teachin' ye ta be a knight, provided ye be interrested in puttin' yer talents ta better use then filchin' from people 'n seein' how long ye git ta keep yer hands..." He pauses, then shrugs. "Course, Sammi lost both 'er arms, 'n she were just runnn' er mouth. I'd hate ta see what they cut off ye, lad. But it be yer choice."

Hans said to Oruki, "Gribbit ribbit de flarp."

Dawn raises an eyebrow

Oruki turns his attention to Kain as he speaks, giving up on his little quest of curiosity before responding. "Okay! That sounds cool. But I don't want to be a knight no more. No, I wanna be an assassin. I'll only work for the good guys though, what'ya think Kain?"

Veriun comes back in

Oruki said to you, "Yeah. I might need to burst outta the shadows and stick somebody with one someday. So you're gonna teach me? Well, I wish I had my daddy's sword so you can teach me how to use that. I like it more because it's lighter than most swords, but much sharper. My daddy's sword was made by the best blacksmiths in the hole world. It was light as a feather, but could cut through steel and not leave a scratch on the edge. Pretty cool, huh?"

Hans hops off of the candelabra into a swirling purple vortex and disappears. Only to appear out of blinking reddish light on the bar next the Mesthak, "Flarp"

You said to Oruki, "Aye. Sounds like t'were made by a Hammerhand. I'll be that good in time, but fer me ta teach ye, first ye gotta give up on the stealin'. Hard ta use a sword with yer arms removed at the shoulder."

Oruki said to you, "Okay! You teach me how to fight with a sword, and I give you my word that I'll never steal from good people again. I can't say I won't take some big meanies treasure, but that's treasure hunting, not stealing. So I'm not a thief no more, I'm a treasure hunter! Yeah!"

Hans being a toad does seem to be as impressed by the magic as by a random fly buzzing over red's shoulder.

Hans drops a Toad load.

Hans dropped 5 Glowing Scone.

Oruki looks on in disgust as Hans poops on the tavern floor. "I'm never eating here again!" he says.

Lucia seems to appear from out of nowhere, spontaneously generating next to you.

Hans grins smugly at Oruki.

Hans said to Lucia, "Flarp!"

You chuckled, stroking his beard. "Alright. It be a bit late t'night ta git started, but next I see ye, I'll have a light sword fer ye,'n I'll start teachin' ye ta use it. But! If I hear ye been stealin' again, I'll drag ye by yer ear ta yer ma, 'n make sure she blisters yer bum." Oruki feels a rumbling in his bowls and decides that if the toad can do it, then so could he. The boy then drops his pants and drops a stinky biscuit load. He then shouts to Hans, "See, mine's bigger!"

Hans dropped 10 biscuit. Hans said, "Flarp Flip Flarp!"

Oruki said to you, "Okay! See ya!"

You blinks, then shakes his head at Oruki. "Lad, that be so inappropriate it not even be funny, seein' as Mesthak been feedin' ye. This be how ye be thankin' im?"

Oruki said to you, "Hey! I earn my milk and biscuits thank you very much! But I gotta go. See ya!"

Lucia slipped into the tavern as unnoticed as she could manage... until some bizarre creature... flarped at her? Unsure of what it could even be, the knight simply moved well around it and settled herself in at the bar. Mesthak was given a... very strange look... but ultimately she tossed her coin to the dwarf and sighed. "Brandy and Orange Juice..."

Jolie said OOC, "I'ma go get a coffee, and try to get that image outta my head." Hans said OOC, "Basks in the collective grossed out stares as that mental image sinks in... "

Hans told you, "Fermin pool party."

Hans told you, "You know what the fermin are right?"

Lucia looked at you.

Hans hops down the bar until he is next to the woman who just came in, "Flarp gribbit flarp."

Lucia stared at the creature for a moment, furrowed her brow, and sighed. "What in the Nine Hells is it? And why is it... making such strange noises?"

Hans up chucks a present for the woman.

Hans gave 1 chocolate-chip cookie to Lucia.

Kain said to Lucia, "Well, it sounds like the lad not be wantin' ta be a knight anymore, but I still be considerin' joinin' yer Order. Heard about some strange orc, 'r least somethin' that looked like 'n orc, be assaultin' ye? Did it say it's name? Also, there be a man I met, a death knight that be wantin' ta nurture the light in 'is heart 'n find a balance. I recommended 'e come talk ta ye, 'n see 'bout joinin' the Order. He agreed. Name be... Somnium.""

Hans said, "flarp."

You told Hans, "ooc *chuckle* yeah, the term 'rats in a barrel' came to mind when you said that."

Hans told you, "you know they live in a sewer right?"

You ooc Glowing scones with no accompanying Platinum chugs? ... hmmm.

You gave 20 beer to Hans.

Hans takes a wee.

Hans dropped 5 Platinum Chug. Kain told Hans, "ooc Yeah, I'm just not easy to gross out. Been stuck doing all the nasty jobs nobody else wants to, so I'm pretty well numbed to the idea of large rats covered in raw septic fouling a pool, since IRL I'd likely get stuck killing them, burying the bodies, then cleaning the room and pool. (shrugs) And if I was really lucky, I might get paid $10 for it."

Kain ooc Ah, beer. Works every time. lol

Lucia stared at the cookie, slightly revolted, and shook her head. Absentmindedly taking a bite, she turned her attention instead to the mentioning of a death knight. In the past... she had encountered one. Only once, and the mysterious chamber beneath the Sovereign Kingdom had nulled his magical abilities... but he had still been a fearsome sight. Shuddering, the knight bit her lower lip and nodded. "Somnium... aye. I will be on the watch for him, then. He sounds... conflicted. Perhaps, if nothing else, I can help."

Hans hops a little down the bar, and squats there looking lovable in a warty smiley sort of way.

Hans told you, "Now see me i wound find a way to prank someone with those rats... maybe a tiny tomb stone "here lays squeaky the big cheese""

Lucia reached down, picked up the flarp toad, and stuffed it into her bag like a young child. Of course, she wouldn't bring it home to her parents... as they were killed when Cenril burned... but perhaps her sister would be amused. For a queen, the woman had always been quite the exceptional tomboy.

Hans zaps a hole in the bag with his Toad eye beams, and hops back onto the bar giving Lucia a warning flarp.

Lucia frowned slightly and shook her head, examining the hole in her bag. "What sort of little beasty is this?" Sighing, she decided it was better not to ruin another bag... and left it alone. Her drink arrived shortly thereafter... and a bottle of Vodka was saved from the toad-inflicted wound in her pack. All this work for a drink. She topped off her drink with the vodka, tossed it back, and contemplated it... then rose up to her feet and made to depart. "Maybe next time I'll try it without the brandy..."

Kain said to Lucia, "Aye, seemed sad, like 'e realized that 'e be missin' half 'is life, 'n be tryin' ta figure out what that were. Nikita sent 'im ta me, 'n he sought me out, lookin' fer help in becomin'... Somethin' else. Wings be makin' me think dragon. Could prove ta be a real show 'o force by 'imself, 'n backed by yer 'police force' ye put tagether. Aye." You wondered why Lucia would try to take the toad, but simply shrugged, noting it burning it's way out of the bag. "Ye be an odd creature, that be fer sure."

Hans concentrates real hard, and sprouts wings, so he does not bump his arse when he hops.

Lucia said to you, "Aye. I admit I am having the same thought. Dragon... draconian of some sort... definitely useful. Being a death knight, I'm sure he is used to getting his hands dirty, too. Keeping the peace and enforcing the law is a dirty job. I hope he's ready to take a few knocks upside the head to do it."

Peku can see that the flarp toad has relieved itself

Hans said to Peku, "Flarp."

Hans is now a Winged Flarp Toad.

Peku jumps behind a chair and cautiously stares at the toad. "Evil leaves a trail of rainbow slime and poops glowing scones."

Hans blinks innocently at Peku, "Flaarrp?"

You said to Lucia, "Aye. Ye kin talk when 'e comes in ta meet with ye. I'll try ta be there as well. He seemed rather nervous about comin' in alone, figurin' as a death knight, 'e be gittin' attacked. Though, I be thinkin' he be wantin' ta avoid hurtin' some good person, rather then fear 'o dyin'."

Peku points at the winged toad. "Don't try that cutsie stuff on me. Did you eat the other inhabitants?"

Lucia continued on towards the door, laughing quietly. "What a bizarre animal. Burned a hole right through my bag... pity. My Queen would have loved to see it. Oh well..." towards Kain, however, she would pause and reply. "Indeed. And yourself... have you found yourself leaning in either direction yet?" She thought back to the avian knight in the cave... Doksooma? Had that been his name? Shaking her head, the knight nodded firmly. "Not that there is any pressure. Just... a curiosity..."

Hans looks at Peku, and points at Kain accusingly, "Flarp, Ach munch munch Flarp!"

Kain looks at Peku, then to the flarp toad, then back to Peku. Kain scratches his head. "Somehow, I don't be thinkin' it be big enough ta eat the others. They left on their own."

Peku looks over at Kain and then back at the toad with an 'are you serious?' face. "I see. There is only one thing wrong with your story.... he doesn't crap glowing scones and shoot lasers out of his eyes. Everyone probably ran away in hysteria."

Hans sakes his head "Flarp flarrp!" and imitates the dwarf eating people. "Flarp!"

Kain said to Lucia, "I'm gonna be busy in me forge fer a while, but most likely I'll be joinin' the Order 'o the Violet Rose. Wouldn't mind some trainin' when we both got some time ta spare."

Lucia snorted, laughing. "Oh, but he would make one -hell- of a knight, if he did."

Peku waves to Kain. "Careful! The toad can see into your soul!"

Peku wonders if the toad had eaten her lost centapede

Lucia said to you, "I am glad to hear that, then. And I would never dream of your joining be a -hinderance- to your time working in your forge, sir. When you do have some free time, feel free to let me know. I'm afraid I don't have a practice blade. Perhaps you have one to spare, though, somewhere?" You said OOC, "Wondering if I should keep my fingernail, or just toss it. Left hand looks kinda funny with no nail on the ring finger. *chuckle* "

Peku said to Veriun, "Help! The toad has us pinned down!"

Veriun said, "what?"

Hans points at Veriun and grins evilly!

Peku points to the source of all that is evil.

Kain nods. "I kin forge a few practice blades. Told that Oruki kid that I'd be makin' 'im a light blade ta start teachin' 'im how ta use a sword. I'll be sure ta make a few fer us, m'lady." Veriun tilts his head with a raised eyebrow.

Peku crawls soldier style across the tavern floor and grabs Veriun and hides under a table.

Hans makes plans to move into Veriun's closet.

Lucia moved over towards the winged flarp toad, shook her head, and gave it an affectionate pat. "Hey now, it's not evil. It's just... a bit warty." Shaking her head again, the knight made to depart for real this time. "Forgemaster Kain... I expect to hear from you soon, then. Until our paths next cross, fare well."

Kain watches Peku crawling and chuckles. Turning to Lucia he says, "Peku always be good ta keep things interresting. Hard ta be bored when she be around."

Peku hmphs "Dawn still sees pink elephants"

Peku peeks out to see if the coast is clear. "Is the scone pooping thing gone?"

Kain said to Veriun, "Ye gonna be safe here with yer sister 'n the toad? I need ta visit the bank, then git some rest. That helmet be quite a project, interresting material."

Hans flaps down from the bar, hops around behind Peku, and up chucks a tea set.

Hans gave 1 earl-grey tea to Peku.

Veriun is drawn under a table "hoah!"

Kain said to Peku, "Pink elephants? ... What be an elephant?"

Peku said to you, "big, pink in this case and an elongated nose. "

Veriun said to Peku, "it's behind you."

Peku eeks at the barfed up tea set and runs away. "Holy &^$%! It pukes fine english tea!"

Veriun chuckles and shakes his head. sitting up and raising a hand in greeting at hans the toad. "you're a special little guy." before looking after peku "english?"

Kain tries to form an image of the strange creature, then shrugs and shakes his head. "Don't be soundin' like anythin'... wait... mebbe somethin' like that thing north 'n east 'o Rynvale?" he mumbled to himself.

Hans licks veriuns hand in greeting, "flarp."

Veriun nods shortly at the strange greeting. "flarp indeed."

Veriun said, "sadly i do not speak that languige."

Peku 's head pops up from under the other side of the table "Evil!" she cried.