RP:Disheartened But Not Defeated

Part of the Thy Kingdom Come Arc

Summary: After the events of the ambush, Hildegarde's left in a dejected state and Pilar comes to the rescue, attempting to help the Silver pick up the pieces and move on.

East Hall

Hildegarde’s chat with Ashe had left her with more questions than it did answers. Certainly, it answered a few questions and set her straight in terms of what she ought to do if she wished to retake Frostmaw. But it didn’t alleviate the weight upon her heart. Josleen’s sleeping draught had been of much help, along with her gentle words and kindness. It was true, Josleen could call the dragon back from the very edge of the darkest abyss: a feat so few could achieve. The knight was sitting on the wooden chair once again, staring out at the icy rock of the looming mountain. They were free from Frostmaw’s range and right under its nose, so they were surely safe from more ranged attacks. But they were also closer to Frostmaw. The woman sat there in quiet contemplation; Lisbeth dutifully standing behind her chair and refusing to leave her side since the death of Mikael. Much weighed on her mind. She had choices to make, a decision to make and she must make it soon. Frostmaw would not wait forever and her inability to move quickly had cost her the life of a dear friend and loyal man. Waiting longer would cost more lives on her half.

Pilar had finished finding a spot for herself in the camp. A bedroll in the main hall of the building, tucked into a corner, with a now-battered trunk with her things in it. At least the lock still worked. Not that she thought someone would go pilfering her stuff, but... okay, no, she did worry about that. She had trust issues these days. She sat upon the bedroll, staring at the clothes before her. She was still in her bloodstained frock, and was debating what to change into for her visit with Hildegarde. She hadn't cared to change since the attack, but she figured seeing her covered in blood would just upset the dragon. She eventually chose a dark blue halter dress that went down to her knees, and a brown sweater, and found a place to change. Once that was done, she found a fire and disposed of the ruined garments, blouse, stockings and all. She sighed. That was her favorite outfit. After some searching, Pilar eventually made her way to the would-be queen's quarters. Her soft leather boots carried her across the room, towards the Silver. "Hildegarde...?"

Hildegarde had much preferred the open space of the balcony compared to the crowded main hall. It wasn’t out of snobbery, but simply because she needed a little bit of space to herself. All knew her to be a woman who believed in equality; who believed in standing shoulder to shoulder with those who fought with her rather than elevating herself above them. Yet she is lost in her reverie, lost in her thoughts until the little voice reaches out and announces its presence with that call of her name. The knight flinched slightly, sitting upright in the chair, “Ah, Pilar,” she said softly. “What can I do for you?” She was tired. She looked drained.

Pilar walked forward and touched Hildegarde's arm. Wordlessly, she wrapped her arms around the dragon. "I'm so sorry..." she murmured. "I heard... about the ambush." About Mikael. She glanced over to Lisbeth, who she knew also was suffering. She'd give the giantess a hug too, in due time.

Hildegarde accepted the embrace, though she did not offer much of one in return. She had been deeply wounded by Mikael’s death. So deeply wounded that she had been left in some state at Josleen’s home and had frightened poor Kelovath away – or so she believed. “Ambush. More like a slaughterhouse,” she muttered gloomily.

Pilar held the dragon gently. She didn't know the full extent of the horrors. Khitti had kept it from her, and while she'd heard bits and pieces from those around camp, she had tried not to listen. She knew it was foul business, and not something she wanted to hear about. "I'm so sorry..." she murmured again. What else was there to say?

Hildegarde had seen enough horrors to last her a lifetime, but such was the curse of one who so wished to fight the injustices of the war. “Would you fetch me some parchment and a writing implement?” the woman asked Pilar softly. “I would like you to write something for me,” she said. “I would do it myself but…” she stretched out her hand that trembled terribly, “I am still held in shock and my hand will not be steady for now.”

Pilar did as she was asked at once. "Of course, Hildegarde, anything you need." She would offer whatever help she could for the dragon. When passing by Lisbeth, Pilar stopped to give her a hug and murmur her condolences. She returned in short order with the items. "Alright. What is it?"

Hildegarde glanced at Lisbeth when Pilar embraced her. Though the giantess was viewed as a pillar of strength, she too had a soft spot and Mikael’s death had certainly tormented her too. Now, in the wake of her friend’s death, she had ascended to the rank of Captain of the Queensguard. Once Pilar had returned and settled, the knight then spoke: “I want you to write to Kreekitaka. Tell him I have need of his services once again.”

Pilar wondered if Hilde wanted his fighting or his designing this time. Probably the former. "Okay." Pilar began to write, reading her words aloud, and slowly, so that Hildegarde could stop her if needed. "Dear Kreekitaka," she began. "I hope this letter finds you well." Mustn't dispense with the pleasantries. "I am writing to inform you that your services are needed once again." She paused here, and looked at Hildegarde.

Hildegarde nodded slightly at Pilar’s letter thus far. “Inquire as to his ability to work leather and whether he has much skill in metalworking,” she bade the illusionist-turned-scribe.

Pilar again put pen to paper. "I've seen your abilities with fine fabrics and oceanic armor... Now, I must know your skill with leather and metal."

Hildegarde waved a hand at Lisbeth, who brought forth a little stamp to Pilar. “Inform him that I anticipate a swift reply and that he is already aware that I am a handsome employer. Then affix my seal to the bottom and that should be that,” she instructed Pilar in ever so Queenly fashion.

Pilar said, ""As you know, I am a handsome employer. I eagerly await your reply. Sincerely yours, Hildegarde the Silver." She then pressed the stamp to the parchment and carefully folded it. "I hope that's okay..."

Hildegarde nodded when Pilar hoped it would be okay, “It’ll be fine,” she assured her. “Lisbeth, you must go and rest,” though the giantess did not leave. “Pilar is not likely to try to kill me, now, is she?” she said pointedly, waiting for the giant to concede defeat and slink off into the main hall for some food and rest. “Thank you, Pilar. I… I do not mean to make an errand girl out of you.”

Pilar didn't blame Lisbeth for wishing to stay by her liege's side. After the betrayal of Trajek and the death of Mikael, the threats against Hildegarde were hitting closer and closer to home. At Hilde's apology, she just shook her head and offered a small smile. "It's quite alright, Hildegarde. I like to be useful. If I can make things easier for you by running errands, then I will do so. Do you need any laundry done? Perhaps a bath prepared?" she asked in jest.

Hildegarde likely did require laundry and a bath! She hadn’t washed since the ambush. Her face smelled a little of rubbing alcohol, thanks to Josleen’s care and there was a little bandage on her face. But she was still crusty with sweat, blood and tears. Her hair was knotted and matted, unruly and dreadful. “There is likely much to be done,” she said gently. “But.. ah. I should not trouble you with such things. I am sure Ashe would have me do so, but… I should probably not.” But she found it so hard to get up out of the chair. Sadness had gripped her there.

Pilar leaned forward and gripped Hildegarde's hand. "It's no trouble at all, Hildegarde. I have nothing to do. Please, ask away. Whatever you need." She squeezed her friend's hand. Whether it was, as she'd joked, prepping a bath or doing laundry, running messages, bringing dinner, or even offering a sympathetic ear, Pilar would do it.

Hildegarde was not one to ask for such things. She was used to the life of a soldier, to being told what to do and to accept a command. “You are too kind, Pilar,” she said softly, her large and thick hand trembling ever so slightly in the grip of Pilar’s.

Pilar knew what it was to shake with fear, with emotion. "You are my friend, Hildegarde." She needed friends now, more than ever. Pilar moved to wrap her arms around Hildegarde again. "I mean it. Whatever I can help with, just tell me."

Hildegarde finally returned the embrace as a trembling arm draped around Pilar and the knight leaned her head forward mournfully. In such grieving, she could not be certain of her own strength and so hugged Pilar rather tightly. Perhaps uncomfortably for a living soul! “Ashe says I must act like a Queen. I don’t know how.”

Pilar would probably be unable to breathe, if she needed to. The perks of being undead! She patted the back of Hildegarde's head soothingly. "I haven't met many queens in my time. Only women who wanted it. And you, who never wanted it, act the most like one, at least I think so. You put the well-being of your people before yourself. You are kind when you can be and tough when you have to be. Trust your gut, Hildegarde, and you will not fail. It isn't an easy job, being boss. You have to be strong all the time. But that's an impossible thing, for anyone. I guess... you just have to know when you can be weak. Who you can show weakness to."

Hildegarde felt as though she could be honest with Pilar and show weakness around her. She was a delicate soul, after all, who surely wouldn’t judge her for being vulnerable. But then again, such delicate souls often did rely on Hildegarde and her strength. Laezila, for example, relied on Hildegarde for strength and protection and the knight did not enjoy appearing vulnerable around her. “I think I do need to make some tougher decisions… I… I cannot save everyone, this I know,” she said quietly. “But I would try to avoid it where I can.”

Pilar nodded. "And there is nothing wrong with that. Life is sacred and precious. Keeping trying to save who you can, Hildegarde, and mourn who you can't. Don't let anyone tell you that it's wrong to feel bad for someone dying. Even if the person was cruel. Trying not to feel bad will only make you feel worse. Mourning is healthy. Mourning is natural. It's how you move on, not by holding it in and 'toughing it out' as they say. And if you need someone to be there with you... I will be." Pilar was a delicate girl, but she had reserves of strength for when her friends needed her.

Hildegarde was truly grateful to have friends such as Pilar and Josleen. Ever the pillars of strength in her life, these women had a quiet strength about them that Hildegarde greatly envied. Her own strength was not quiet: her strength was physical, not often emotional. “You know, I think I will take you up on that bath, Pilar. I must reek of blood and sweat.” Not that Josleen would ever complain about it to her, she had smelled worse things.