RP:Burden In My Hand

Part of the The Day I Tried To Live Arc

Summary: While Brand deals with the repairs and modifications on the Tranquility, Khitti utilizes the inn in Cenril as a study so she can finish translating the spell recipe that was given to her by Facilier in silence. Her sister Lydia accompanies her, and as always, the two end up in another argument.

Small Room For Rent, Cenril

Within the silence of the smallest room of Cenril’s local inn, Khitti sat scribbling away in Dominic’s journal that she’d given him for Yule. Papers--the long, detailed collection of the Catalian’s research on runestones--was scattered across the bed. Before she even started this whole endeavor to translate that scroll, she’d searched through those notes of his. Maybe it held some sort of secret, some reason, for him to disappear? Maybe it hadn’t been her fault?

But no. There was nothing. Khitti knew better really. She’d probably read through those notes just as often as Dominic had, trying to find an answer to his problems. Khitti was slowly starting to come to terms with this. She hadn’t even talked to Brand about it, however. She couldn’t talk about it with him. Couldn’t tell him that she wished Dominic was still here, even just a little bit. Khitti just couldn’t erase that guilt, though, couldn’t frakking part with it.

Dominic was dead. Gone. Never to be seen again. Might as well be over in that purgatory known as the Plane of Shadow.

“You think too much, you know,” said Lydia as she paced the room, much like her sister usually does.

“I’m sorry zhat zhis troubles you so much. I’ll try to lower zhe volume of my zhoughts so it’s not a burden to you any longer.” Snark, except with more of a bite. The more Khitti thought about Dominic, and that stupid cure, the more agitated she got.

“What -is- buzzing around inside that head of yours?” Khitti’s ghostly mirror stepped over behind Khitti, trying to peer over her shoulder. Really, she could just do like any other ghost and push through Khitti’s body, but she had -some- amount of respect for her sister. “You’re thinking about ‘the kid’ again, aren’t you?”

‘The kid’. Khitti hated that nickname that Brand had given Dominic. Dominic wasn’t--hadn’t been--a kid. At least that’s what she thought in the beginning… and then things had gone sour. She’d had such high hopes for Dominic. He’d certainly devolved into some whiny teenager, full of angst and ire. That ire...she’d fueled that. Made it worse. Khitti didn’t answer Lydia, instead continuing with her writing.

“It’s not your fault, you know. And, it’s not like he’s not still there. Somewhere. Inside all of that...Brand. He’s just, like, the ooey gooey sensitive center of a Brand-shaped lava cake that’s encased in a thick, crunchy layer of caramel-flavored commitment and trust issues, and served steeped in a flaming bowl of whiskey and rage.” A weird analogy, but oddly enough, Lydia seemed to be heading in the right direction. Maybe. It’s hard to tell with Brand.

Khitti stopped writing, slamming the nib of her pen down into the inkwell before turning around to face her sister. “You don’t know anything of vhat’s going on, Lydia. Of vhat happened after you disappeared. Zhe zhings I did and said. -I- did drive him off. All because I vanted zhis damned cure. Because I couldn’t just be happy as zhings vere. And Brand…” She paused, dark olive eyes shifting towards the floor, “He’ll probably turn tail and leave eventually too. He doesn’t need me vhen he’s got himself a nice new ship and crew. And if he does, I’m not gonna fight vith him about it either. Zhere’s no point. I’ve badgered him enough about zhings, about us. I’m tired of fighting to keep people vith me. I vant someone to fight for -me- for once--and I don’t mean ‘fight’ as in getting me out of a damned dragon’s cave or saving my ass some other vay. Tired of practically begging people to stay vith me. Should’ve let Brand go ages go--and Dominic too.” Khitti sighed heavily, rubbing her face with her hands.

“Are you even going to talk to Brand about it at least?” Lydia watched Khitti with concern. The sort-of living von Schreier was very clearly stressed, but didn’t seem to ever really show it around the Catalian.

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because.”

“Because why?”

“Because it doesn’t frakking matter, Lydia. Zhat’s vhy. Because he’s got bigger and better zhings to vorry about.”

“Just because he doesn’t say it, doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, you know. He did agree to this whole -thing- you two have going on too.” Funny enough, Lydia didn’t know what to call it either. ‘Relationship limbo’ was the only thing that ever sounded right. “It may be confusing, but he could very well have told you to leave and he didn’t. I’m sure he misses you while you’re gone.”

“Vhy vould he miss me? He probably misses zhe sex and zhat’s it. Even zhat is a bit of a stretch zhough because it’s not like he couldn’t just go to some brothel or something. Zhere’s one in Cenril for gods’ sake. He’s probably zhere now.” Okay, but that was probably a bit harsh. Brand definitely genuinely seemed to miss her -sometimes-. Other times, though… she wasn’t so sure. Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe it was all a mistake. “I -really- don’t vant to talk about zhis, Lydia…”

“Alright. We won’t. For now, at least.” Lydia sat on the desk beside Khitti’s things, the spectral redhead peering down at her sister’s work, “ ‘Scales of a mermaid’…? ‘Lament of the Star-crossed? Sounds like Facilier was reading those fairy tales of yours too.” Lydia let silence linger between them as Khitti started scribbling away again, minutes passing before she said anything else. “Are you going to tell him about the nightmares?”

“Goddamn it, Lydia, no.”

“But they’re getting worse.”

“Lydia, I swear to zhe gods if you don’t shut up…”

“But, Khitti…”

“Brand doesn’t give a damn about dreams, prophetic or not. He’s just gonna brush it off as stupid nonsense again.”

“Khitti, you woke up gasping for air like you were drowning. That’s not nothing. -I- had to wake you up myself. Vampires don’t drown, damn it, let alone in their sleep. Something is off and you know it.”

Khitti didn’t answer. She was on the last ingredient, the look on her face slowly shifting from irritation towards her sister to...something else. Something like shock. Or fear. Or somewhere in between.

Blood. Sacrifice. Of the closest living kin. Sibling.

“Khitti? What’s wrong? What is it?” Lydia leaned over, trying to peek in that book again, but Khitti snapped it shut immediately.

“It’s -nothing-. Damn it, Lydia. Vhy don’t you go read something? Do -something-, anything, away from me so I can think! Frak.” Book in hand, Khitti grabbed her leather duster, thin arms sliding quickly into the sleeves. “I’m going out. Stay here. I’ll be back soon and zhen ve’re going to go talk to Brand. Or, I am, rather. About zhis--” she held out the book “--and nothing else. Got it?” She was angry, too angry, and she knew it. Lydia didn’t deserve this, she was just trying to help. Khitti sighed heavily, her free hand moving up to rub her eyes and then her temples; she was getting a headache from all of this. “I’ll be back, I promise,” she said a little more calmly. “And, ve’ll do something, okay? You can help me bake or ve’ll vork on art together or something. Just zhink about it vhile I’m gone. Ve can do vhatever you vant.” Khitti mustered a reassuring smile for her sister.

Lydia, on the other hand, was becoming increasingly concerned for her sister. They always fought, but, it wasn’t like this. Khitti was on edge almost all the time since they returned from the Shadow Plane, only those fleeting moments with Brand in solitude seemed to help anything, but then it was right back to this weird sort of madness that had hold over her sister when Brand went back to his work. He was so damned oblivious sometimes that it was frustrating. “Alright. And no more fighting?”

“No more fighting,” Khitti agreed before she headed off out the door, booted feet swiftly leading her in the direction of Vailkrin.