RP:All These Things That I've Done

Summary: After receiving a letter from Khitti telling Pilar that she is indeed alive, Pilar manages to find her in Cenril and they discussed the recent past and the present.

The Tranquility, Cenril Wharf

The Tranquility docked at the wharf as per usual. Despite the attack on Cenril, the ship fared well enough. The crew, numbering around a hundred, was busy loading up the ship with new cargo, the destination for it: Rynvale. It was midday and Khitti wasn’t tending to her chef duties. Instead, she was sitting on the dock itself, drawing tablet in hand, attempting to sketch out a design for the bakery that was to replace Mrs. Mallard’s. Even stranger still than a supposed dead woman sitting there drawing, was the fact that she was wearing something else other than black. A pale peach lace dress adorned her form, a long dusky blue cardigan covered her shoulders and a ribbon of the same color tied up her into a ponytail--she was barefoot, of course, because it’s Khitti.

Pilar had nearly fainted when she received Khitti's letter. If she hadn't seen her alive and well at the festival, she might have thought it was a cruel joke. But there it was, in Khitti's own handwriting. She was alive, and in Cenril. Yozenra had to stop Pilar from racing off to Cenril immediately after reading the letter. The naga reasoned that Pilar was too emotional, that such a big moment had to be gone into with as calm a mind as possible. And so, it wasn't until the next day that Pilar, dressed in her black pants, brown boots and light blue tunic, mounted Emielle and flew off for Cenril, leaving Yozenra to tend the house. As they neared Cenril, Pilar closed her eyes and searched for Khitti through the blood link they once had. Alas, Khitti's rebirth had severed it. Pilar knew she lived in the city, but had no idea where. She landed Emielle before the city gates and dismissed the couatl before entering and beginning inquiries. Did anyone know where Khitti or Brand lived? No one seemed to have an address for them, but someone did mention that a Brand was captain of a ship. With only this lead, she headed for the docks. Upon arrival, she began searching the crowds of sailors.

Khitti was getting rather frustrated with her drawing. The sketch just wasn’t happening today and she was resisting the urge to throw the entire thing in the water. She didn’t though and instead stood up and started to head up the gangplank, that peach dress standing out amongst the darker shades of the sailors’ outfits. Sighing heavily, she stopped once she was actually on the ship, remembering that Brand was likely too busy for anything right now. Well, now what the hell was she going to do? Bake something maybe? Go read again for awhile? Who knows.

Pilar spotted Khitti immediately, once she was elevated. She bolted down the dock, nearly knocking over every sailor she passed by. She stepped on the gangplank and a member of the crew gripped her shoulder. “Miss, you can't--” Pilar could not have cared less about whatever he was going to say. She continued walking, right out of the man's grasp, and stepped onto the deck of the Tranquility. “Khitti,” she whispered.

Pilar was really lucky Onyx was pre-occupied at the moment. Or maybe they already knew that Pilar was here. Maybe they alerted Brand too. It didn’t matter because there was work to be done for the Captain and his first mate and so Pilar was allowed, more or less, to push her way through the crowd. There were more cries of ‘hey!’ and ‘where do you think you’re going?!’ directed towards the vampiress, and it’d soon draw the attention of the former-vampiress. Khitti would blink a few times in Pilar’s general direction, neither spotting her immediately nor catching her scent--she’s not able to do the latter anymore of course. “Hey? What the hell is going on?” Khitti called over to one of Brand’s crew, “Do I need to go get Brand?” There was a few more blinks as she awaited an answer that likely wouldn’t come.

Pilar pushed another crew member aside so she was out in the open, where Khitti could see her clearly. Tears were welling in her eyes. “Kh-Khitti...” she said, choking out her name. She walked forward, fighting her urge to just tackle the woman and sob uncontrollably into her shoulder. “Y-you're alive, you're really...” If Khitti hadn't backed away by now, a shaking hand would reach out to touch her face.

Khitti’s eyes got pretty damn wide when she realized that it was Pilar causing all of that ruckus. “Yes. Yes I am.” She felt a little awkward now that Pilar was drawing attention to her, “Uhhhh. You should… come in… maybe?” Pilar touched her face and it immediately went red, “Yes. You should come in.” Khitti coughed awkwardly, then grabbed Pilar’s hand and led her into the ship. Down into the belly of the Tranquility, Pilar would soon find herself in a library that looked like it should be in a house--the ship had been magicked up to be bigger on the inside, you see. Khitti would direct Pilar to one of the couple couches in the room, or one of the armchairs, and then would take a seat herself. She… wasn’t really sure what she should say just yet and it showed.

Pilar hadn't expected to be spirited into a sea-TARDIS. The bookworm in her would have squealed at joy at the sight of so many books, but she was still in a dreamlike state. She practically collapsed into the nearest armchair. She stared at Khitti, and the silence stretched to awkward, uncomfortable levels. This was real. It was all real, Khitti really was alive. A single tear finally rolled down Pilar's cheek and she asked, simply, “... Why didn't you tell me?”

Khitti took several seconds to flesh out what she might say to Pilar, her lips doing that pursing thing that happens when people are considering how to word things properly. “Because… for the past couple months, I didn’t know. I had a bit of amnesia and Brand chose not to tell me certain things and chose not to tell -a lot- of people about me being back.” She put up a finger, as if to stop Pilar should she get any ideas about naysaying the Catalian, “And that fact has already been dealt with. He did it to protect me. His only concern was about my wellbeing and trying to shield me from any bad memories that I might not have wanted.” She shrugged a little, slumping down into her own chair, “It may not have been the best decision, but I respect what he did. I probably would’ve did the same, especially with the things I had to do and how much I hated being a vampire.”

Pilar wiped her eyes, but more tears just came. “I... I missed you so much. I almost got a tattoo for you.” She laughed, or maybe that was a sob. “You, you said I would know where to find you, here, but you, you never told me you were living on a ship, never said Brand was a captain, I had to ask people where to find you, you never TOLD me!” Pilar bit back another sob and wiped her eyes furiously. “What else... what else have you not told me...?”

Khitti blinked a few times, “Oh. Right. Yeah. I’ve been here on this ship for so long, even before I died, that I just kinda figured you did. Heh. Brand got the ship while we were dealing with these giant bugs, all over Lithrydel, with the Warrior’s Guild. As soon as that happened, we moved right the hell on out of Drargon’s place in Frostmaw. He, uh, wasn’t fond of me.” The reasons -why- he wasn’t fond of her caused Khitti to frown, and Khitti merely held out her wrist to Pilar, “There’s a lot of things that happened. Things before Emrith. Things after. It’s probably better for you to just see it. It would save a lot of time. It’s… kind of difficult to take in though. I can do my best to wall off memories until you’re ready for the next one.”

Pilar gently took Khitti’s wrist in her hands. “You're warm... I thought I imagined it but... the cure actually worked.” A flurry of conflicting emotions, joy and jealousy, raged in Pilar. She was happy for Khitti. She really was. But where Khitti had gotten her wish, Pilar had lost her leg and turned into a nervous wreck for weeks. Pilar took a steadying breath. “Okay... Okay.” She brought Khitti's wrist to her mouth and sank her fangs into her flesh. She'd fed the night before, and so she only drank enough to establish the link. She pulled away, an odd look on her face. Khitti's blood tasted... odd. Different from what she remembered human blood tasting like.

Crimson brows furrowed as Pilar made that face after tasting Khitti’s blood. Maybe something happened to it during her rebirth? Well, it’s not like she’d been planning on vampires feasting from her until the end of time, so it didn’t concern her all too much. “Just… um… just be aware that it’s not all that pleasant. It’s the reason -why- I didn’t tell you anything since I brought up looking for the cure and getting rid of Amarrah.” With a heavy sigh, she unleashed her memories one by one, starting from almost a year ago when they returned to the dragon cave and Amarrah’s return. It continued on through the Warrior’s Guild’s issues with massive bugs, and an attack on the guild itself by Amarrah through Khitti herself, and soon after two trips to the Shadow Plane. A deal had been made with Amarrah’s father, Facilier, to return Amarrah, help him raise her from the dead, and then Khitti’d get her cure in return. It, of course, did not end up as it should: Khitti ripped out Amarrah’s heart, murdering her first adopted sister. The memories would progress and Khitti’s mind would grow darker. Over time, she gathered the various ingredients to her cure, one of which was a terrible deal with Vakmathras, one that would soon come to pass, though she didn’t let Pilar in on that pesky detail of her pregnancy just yet. Another ingredient, just so happened to be her twin sister, the very same that she’d rescued from the Shadow Plane the same day she got her cure, and not long before the end Lydia gave herself as a willing sacrifice to Khitti’s cause but the procedure went all wrong. Amarrah’s heart, another part to the cure, had been tainted by her father, even going so far as to control Khitti--it was what aided in Khitti’s anger towards Pilar after Emrith’s attack--and mutated Lydia’s form into some grotesque being, allowing Amarrah to take over. For almost a week afterwards, the AmarrahLydia amalgamation attacked citizens in Vailkrin and Sage Forest and almost made it to Cenril, but was stopped by Khitti, Brand, Lionel, and Meri on the bridge. And that’s where she fell. That’s where she burned. Throughout all of this, she’d lost Dominic and assumed she was the cause of his disappearance, but grew closer to Brand. After her rebirth, the other events that took place was shown to Pilar: the lies that Brand had weaved to protect her, pulling Lionel and Meri into it as well, her memories returning over time, and ultimately coming back in full just days after Kahran’s attack.

It was all kind of overwhelming, despite Khitti's best efforts. Pilar continued to hold Khitti's hand as the visions payed out before her, tears spilling from her eyes silently as she watched Khitti do terrible thing after terrible thing. The fact that Meri had lied to her face almost went unnoticed. But she would save her anger at her for another time. Once it was all done, Pilar wiped her face with one hand, still gripping Khitti's with the other, in case she could be torn away at any moment. “I can't believe you did all that...” Sacrificing her own sister. Her own potential child. Perhaps Khitti could feel Pilar's profound disappointment through the newly reestablished bond.

“And this is why I succeeded in my endeavors of becoming human again… and you did not.” Pilar’s envy on this topic hadn’t gone unnoticed as it had filtered somewhat across their link. “The one that did that to you--” she motioned to Pilar’s leg “--he didn’t truly have the means. As far as I know, only the gods do. You have to sacrifice so much, just to regain your humanity and not everyone has the luxury of having a sister like Lydia that’s already dead and understands. To live and die with Brand, as I should, is what matters most to me, above all. I could not bear it if he left and I couldn’t go with him. And I would not curse him to a life as an undead of any sort, either.” Khitti sighed at Pilar’s obvious disappointment, but really, she knew that was going to happen regardless. “Look, I know the things I did weren’t great, but it is what it is. I have a second chance now, and I’m moving on.” Khitti’s lips twisted into a frown momentarily and a sigh made itself known, “And.. I’m pregnant.”

Khitti's words both hurt and disgusted Pilar. To act as though Pilar's suffering was deserved because she wasn't willing to make the sacrifices she had to. To just write off the things she did like that, like they weren't important. If Khitti was willing to throw away her blood sister... would she have done it to Pilar? The vampire was beginning to think Yozenra was right, and then Khitti dropped that bombshell. “Pregnant.” Pilar didn't seem to believe it. Nor did she seem ecstatic, like she once would have. She let go of Khitti's hand and leaned back in her chair, away from Khitti.

Khitti sighed again. “Don’t be like that.” The redhead has known Pilar long enough to know what her reactions might mean, what she might be thinking. “Look, I’m not trying to compare our paths or our suffering or anything else. You wanted to know what I hadn’t told you and now you know.” She leaned back into her own chair, her frown surfacing again, “As for the kid, I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen. I really -truly- didn’t. That lifestyle wasn’t for Brand at all and now… well… now things have changed.” Khitti let out a bitter laugh, “It’s funny. I’m not scared of Kahran or Facilier or anything else that’s likely going to get in my way until I die, but… I’m absolutely frakking terrified of this pregnancy.” She felt like she couldn’t convey that feeling enough to anyone at all, not even Brand. Tears welled up in Khitti’s eyes, “I’ve wanted it for so long and now it’s here and I’ve never been more afraid of anything as I am now.”

Pilar's face softened and she got up from her chair, sitting on the arm of Khitti's and wrapping her arms around her. “Oh, Khitti.” She squeezed her sister. “It'll be okay. You're not going to go through this alone. You have Brand, and Lionel and Meri, and me.” She kissed Khitti's temple. “You're going to have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby and a happy life, and if Vakmatharas or anyone else thinks they can stand in the way of that, they have another thing coming.” Pilar managed a smile, the first one today. “I had three younger siblings... I can teach you everything you need to know about caring for a baby, if you don't already know. And I'd be happy to babysit, whenever you need.”

Khitti hugged Pilar back, but only cried more. “You can’t know that. You can’t. What if something goes wrong?” She sighed and pulled away, wiping the tears from her eyes, “I’m dwelling on things I shouldn’t. There’s no point in it. If something happens, then it happens, I guess. Whether it’s to the baby or to me… Or even if Brand suddenly decides this isn’t for him.” Khitti shrugged, trying her best to avoid frowning again.

“If Brand decides he doesn't want the baby, and either won't care for it or pushes you to abort it when you don't want to, I'll set this ship on fire. Or maybe just him. Then you can move in with me and I'll be the baby's father.” Pilar was trying to be funny, trying to cheer Khitti up. She kept an arm around her shoulders. “You're right, though. I can't know things will be okay. But I'll do everything I can to make sure they will be. I'll be there for you every step of the way, even if things go wrong. You're my family, you and your baby. And I would sooner face the God of Death himself than let him take either of you from me.”

The redhead laughed a little as she bit back her worries, “I don’t think he will. He told me that his priorities have changed. I guess it even started happening before I died. He even turned down the idea of just getting rid of the baby when I suggested it, to help protect us from this curse. It’s not like I wanted to really do it, and he knew that, but there’s so few options when dealing with stuff like this...” Khitti shook her head and sighed for what was likely the millionth time since Pilar got here, “I didn’t think this was going to happen so soon, if even at all. It’s not even the curse I’m worried about. We’ve gotten through stuff like this before. It’s just… stupid little things.” She was starting to sound like a broken record, and she knew it, and just shook her head again, her hands rising from her lap to cover her face.

“There's nothing stupid or little about a baby... Well I mean okay, babies are physically little but—Whatever, you get what I'm saying. It's perfectly reasonable to worry about having a baby, curse or no. And I'm going to tell you right now, you won't be a perfect parent, neither of you. No such thing. But as long as you love your child wholeheartedly, no matter what, and everything you do for them is out of that love, then no one can say you're a bad parent.”

“I guess so,” Khitti said, attempting to agree with Pilar, trying to see the brighter side of things. “It’s funny, sort of, that Lionel’s completely convinced this Kahran is going to bring about the end of the world and I’m more worried about what might happen with this kid… or whether or not I’ll be able to continue my singing at the theater, or if this bakery I’m getting is going to work out.” Red brows furrowed somewhat as she shifted her line of sight towards the younger female, “Is that stupid? Am I crazy? And why does this have to happen now? Why does this have to happen just when things were starting to go the way I wanted?”

"It's not stupid or crazy," Pilar said. "Things rarely happen according to plan. That's life. You just have to... what's the phrase? Roll with it. I don't know about the end of the world, but you can't stop thinking about the little things while big things like that are going on, you'd lose your mind. So go ahead and keep singing, and focus on your bakery, and start making a nursery, and when the time comes, go fight the good fight to protect the life you've built."

Khitti just kinda sat there, mostly looking contemplative about the whole thing, even going so far as to fidget with her hands a bit. It’s almost like she was the old Khitti, but still different. She was worried about far more than just dying or any of the other things the old Khitti dwelled on--it’s almost like she actually grew up a bit over the past couple months after her rebirth. “Yeah. You’re right.” She leaned over in her chair, reaching for the sketchpad she’d been messing with earlier. “I’m not proud of these things that I’ve done; I think you misunderstand me there. I honestly don’t know if I would’ve gone through with all of it if Facilier and Amarrah’s influence hadn’t been there… and if Lydia wouldn’t have willingly given herself up for the cure. Amarrah and her father, they were so subtle about it that not even Brand could stop it until it was almost too late.”

Pilar nodded, somewhat sad. Who knew what had become of Lydia's soul? Pilar hoped she's gone to heaven, but who could really say? “If I'd known what was happening, what you needed for that cure, I would have... I don't know. Done something? I feel like I failed you.”

Khitti shook her head, “No. Don’t think like that. This is what I wanted, now I have to deal with the consequences. This ghost curse thing, it’s not so bad as any of the other curses going around right now. I mean, it might not even end up being that awful. I’m a damned necromancer, so I should be able to handle it.” Crimson brows furrowed again as she side-eyed Pilar, “Do you know anything about Arkhen?”

Pilar nodded. “Yes, he is widely worshiped in Granceval. He is the god of light and honor, said to hold selfless sacrifice and generosity in high regard, and to offer guidance to those who seek to walk the path of righteousness. He's often depicted as a wise human sage or a valorous elven knight.”

Khitti let out a ‘hm’. “His power is what made me human again. Vakmathras brought me back, but… It was almost certainly Arkhen that purified me. I could -feel- it. It’s him that I owe above all others for a second chance.” She thought about it a moment, then shrugged, lifting her gaze to the large window magically fixed into the side of the ship. How long had they been here? Bleh. “I suppose I should get back to work. If I slack off too much with food, the crew turns my kitchen into shambles. I believe we’re heading to Chartsend soon after this run to Rynvale, so I’m sure I’ll have time to meet up with you again there.”

“Then perhaps you ought to become a nun and serve him in gratitude,” Pilar teased. “Or at least leave an offering at his temple. I think there's one in Sage Forest, somewhere.” She hugged Khitti again before getting up. “I'll leave you to it, then. I've got work to do, myself. I have presents for the new little one to get!” Despite her earlier consternation, she really was excited about the new baby. She loved babies.