RP:A Burden Shared is a Burden Halved

Part of the Lies Within Us Arc

This is a Mage's Guild RP.

Summary: In the wake of Lanlan's court trial and expulsion from the Guild, Odhranos finds himself drowning in his own thoughts, as the walls that once seemed so homely begin pressing in. Interrupted from his spiral by Provost "Grace"'s timely visit, the anguished mage accepts her invitation of company.

Mage Tower

Valrae had been hunkered behind a tower of books and stacks of research paper. Her shelves had been dusted and lined neatly with her things, the boxes and paper cleaned after the mess she’d made with the emerald skull. Her window seal was crowded with herbs and flowering plants in bright colored pots. There was a thick, bold patterned rug under high backed chairs and a table between them, angled to face her desk. The fireplace sat empty and dark, doing nothing to counter the chill the room carried despite the season. The witch’s illusions had been replaced carefully, her features soft and freckled in her familiar disguise as Provost Grace. Her brown hair was piled high atop her head and pinned messily. Wide, thick rimmed glasses rested precariously at the tip of her slightly rounded nose. There was chamomile tea, cold now and nearly untouched, in a delicate white cup at her elbow and a plate of crumbs next to it. She elbowed both into the floor while attempting to turn the page of her book and cursed. Valrae sighed her way down the hall, off to fetch a broom, when she strolled by Odhranos’s office and decided on a whim to knock.

Odhranos kneaded his temples with frustration, before pushing the stack of sheets away, dropping his fountain pen into its inkwell with a dejected clunk and letting his half-moon glasses slip from his face, dropping to bounce against his chest. The Provost got up from his chair and walked to the door, intending to leave, but no sooner than his hand landed on the burnished brass of the doorknob, Odhranos changed his mind, turning back towards the desk. Striding across to the window, the terramancer wrapped his arms around himself, as if to ward off some chill in the air. Reaching out to trail his fingertips along the sill, he picked up one of the crystals arranged by the window frame. Odhranos lifted it to his eye, letting the light from the window play through the crystalline depths, refracting off the exquisitely small runes carved over every inch of its surface. Taking his hand back, to examine the runes, Odhranos felt a cold chill shiver up his spine once again, and a sudden disgust coiled in his stomach. The feelings that had been swirling in him every since the court case adjourned suddenly flared to a peak and Odhranos’ face twisted into one of revulsion and fury, as he raised his hand high above his head, preparing to dash the crystal against the floor, to smash it beyond recognition and reparation. Only the quiet knock on the door broke him from his intent, freezing him still with shock. Odhranos lowered his hand hastily, dropping the crystal carelessly onto his desk as he shuffled around the small office towards the door. The oak door was thrown open and Odhranos stood in the doorway, eyes wild. After a moment of blank staring, Odhranos registered who it was in the corridor beyond and was finally broken from his blind emotional state. “Grace! I - No, sorry, Provost, I’m sorry…” Odhranos hastily composed his face, trying to offer a calm smile, which turned out looking a little lopsided. “How can I help you?”

Valrae had stepped back, surprise without fear coloring the bespelled features of her face. She took Odhranos in, his wild eyes and almost unseeing. When the moment passed and he stumbled through a greeting the witch smiled softly. Her hand reached out, moved to rest reassuringly on his forearm. “Odhranos,” She tilted her head in greeting, “Did I come by at a bad time?” She couldn’t resist the urge to look just beyond him, into his office. Would he too be keeping a dark, powerful secret then? Valrae surely wasn’t the only one who walked these halls that carried secrets. Her illusioned blue eyes find the man again, unsatisfied at having found no answers or hidden objects. “I was only looking for company, I could leave if you’re busy,” She moved to step away. “When you aren’t, I’ve an office only a few doors down now,” Val let the implied invitation hang in the air.

Odhranos was still flustered and out of sorts, so when Grace reached out and laid her hand on his arm, the terramancer flinched reflexively, before settling again. "Oh, no, not at all, I was just in the middle of… grading some papers. No, not a bad time." Odhranos grimaced and cursed internally as he involuntarily rambled. When asked if he was busy, the mage turned and looked back into the office beyond. All in all, a very regular cluttered office, with no artefacts of dark and powerful nature in sight, but yet, the very sight and air of the room seemed to curdle something in the terramancer. Made him want to flee, to get out, to slam the door behind him and not have to think about those horrible thoughts that the room contained. Odhranos turned back towards Grace and his expression had fallen glum. "You know, I'd quite like that, if you don't mind." Odhranos murmured quietly, in a hesitant, vulnerable tone so opposed to the mage's usual bright and cheery rapport. Stepping out into the corridor to join her, Odhranos closed the door behind him and locked it with a gesture towards the bolt. The terramancer visibly deflated as the latch clicked home, but he gathered himself up as best he could as he gestured for Grace to lead the way.

Valrae watched Odhranos curiously, her concern hidden in a mask of friendly calm. He seemed rattled and annoyed. She was surprised when he took her offer but hid it with a bright smile. “Alright then!” She chirped, turning on her heel to lead the way. Her office was drafty but welcoming. She’d taken the drapes from the tall, wide window and afternoon sunlight splashed across the jewel toned things the witch had filled the space with. “Sorry about the mess. I’m forever clumsy,” She apologized, laughing without much real embarrassment. Val seemed to operate somewhere between chaos and order always. Cold tea was still pooled on the floor, dotted with shards of pearl white glass. The witch stepped around them, careful to lift her cerulean skirts. “I was actually on my way to fetch a broom when I decided to pop by,” The witch made no move to clean them now though. “I finally finished moving in,” She carried on, looking around the room with a small sense of pride. “You can make yourself comfortable, I could get you some tea?” As she offered, she finally moved to pick the glass up off of the ground. She let the quiet settle between them as she worked, comfortable to give him the moment he seemed to need. When she finished, she murmured a spell and the cold tea dissipated. Val grinned mischievously over her desk at Odhranos, “I try not to make a habit of letting magic clean up my messes but…” She shrugged for punctuation and moved around her desk again. There was a heartbeat for silence again as she leaned against it and looked at him carefully again. “Something on your mind? I’m a good listener.” Haloed in sunlight, Valrae’s illusion wouldn’t hide the strange, erratic aura that surrounded her to those who were sensitive to such things.

Odhranos offered a wan smile and a polite shake of his head when Grace commented on the mess. On a normal day, Odhranos would have followed up with a wry quip about how at least her mess is temporary, unlike the maelstrom that never seemed to leave his office. But this wasn't a normal day, and the terramancer merely stood back while Grace tidied the spilled tea and shattered cup. Taking the chair on the nearside of the desk, Odhranos leaned an elbow on the edge of the hefty piece of furniture, reaching out with an idle hand to poke the broken shards of teacup with his index finger. With each tentative prod, the pieces were maneuvered together, as the edges of the glass shards meshed, slowly reconstructing the cup. Odhranos kept his gaze trained on his small task until Grace leaned against the desk near him and posed the question Odhranos knew was coming. With a pursed frown, Odhranos lifted the last two halves of the cup and slotted them together in his hands, cupping the glass and rubbing his thumbs against the smooth cool material, not meeting his colleagues' eyes. "Too much on my mind. So much that I find myself just turning in circles in my head and getting nowhere." Odhranos placed the cup aside and glanced up towards Grace, his mouth curling into an apologetic smile. "I'm being vague. Sorry…" Odhranos raised his hands to his head and dragged his fingers through the long greying hair that trailed down to his nape, pulling it out of the neat bun and fluffing it out into a messy mane as he mulled over his words. "it's Lanlan, mainly. But also the Council. And everything that happened in the trial. I just feel like I'm a little bit lost, and a bit alone in all of this."

Valrae was unused to seeing Odhranos as less than put together and friendly. It was unusual but not all together shocking. The witch was old enough and jaded enough to know that people were multifaceted and that they all had a breaking point. She watched as he pieced together her broken tea cup and smiled, charmed, as he pushed the final two pieces together. Val nodded at his vague answer anyway, listening intently. “No, it’s alright,” She reassured him even as he apologized. “Vague as it is I do understand…” The witch’s eyes followed as he let down his hair, transfixed. No, she’d never seen him quite like this. The worry buzzed absently in the back of her mind. “You’re not alone,” The look she narrowed at her fellow Provost was almost stern, “If anyone understands your frustration I do,” Shaking her head, ‘Grace’ moved to busy herself with making the tea she’d offered. “You can’t let it consume you, Odhranos,” She whispered a spell to warm her kettle, floated toward the shelves to gather tea and another cup. Val paused, considered, and then chose another blend of chamomile and rosehip. “The trial… The council…” She poured the water into the mended cup. “I don’t have any answers for you yet, but I haven’t stopped searching. I know Quintessa is with us too,” She thought of the Stewardess and the secret she now held. “I know she can be trusted,” And this brought a twinge of guilt. It was one thing lying to the council, other guildmates she hadn’t let herself grow close with, but it felt a little too much like lying with Odhranos. Her stomach knotted and she frowned. “We’ll find the answer together,”

Odhranos wound the short ribbon he had used for his hair between his fingers, finding comfort in the simple act of feeling the smooth fabric slip from around his hand as he pulled it free, then wound it again, in a repetitive motion. "Mmm, I know it's not the sort of thing that will be solvable in one day. Xalious bless, it's the sort of thing that might not be solved in my lifetime. But I'm still left with this horrible feeling in my stomach that doesn't go away, no matter how logically I try lay it out for myself. Worrying will solve nothing, but I'm finding it hard not to." Odhranos sighed with exasperation, frowning up at Grace, before shaking his head at his own words. "I know, I know. I'm glad I can talk with you about this. It means more than you can imagine to have someone to confide in. It seems every day, the circle of people I feel I can trust shrinks a little bit further. I'm glad I have you and Quin around." Odhranos fluffs his hair and begins raising his hands to tie it, before changing his mind, electing to leave his hair down for once. "I do apologize though, I don't mean to lay this all at your feet out of the blue. I think it is just the stress and strain of the past year getting to me. I've been told over and over again that I'm working myself ragged, but there was always so much to do…" The mage shrugs with a half-smile. "Enough about me and my woes. How are you doing? Have you been keeping well?"

Valrae watched her guildmate struggle with the weight of what they were facing and felt the frustration as if it were her own. How many times had she wound herself into the very same state in Larket? How many times had she felt smothered, drowned in responsibility. The problems had seemed to fold and multiply and stretch out at her feet for miles and miles with no end. She’d had Tychus then, Irenic too, but it didn’t help the loneliness of it all for her then. She imagined it was little solace for Odhranos now. What more she could offer him though, she did not know. Valrae offered him the unbroken cup of tea gently. “I’ve been through something like this before,” She admits delicately. “I’ve been where you are right now, feeling the weight of the world and more resting squarely on my shoulders and wondering if I’d break or bare it...” She’d broken, died. The memory of the fire flashed in her eyes. With a wave of her hand she clicked the lock of her door in place. “I wasn’t alone, not truly, but I still felt it. So I worked harder, obsessed.” The witch faced her empty hearth and felt her heartbeat quicken. “I lost my first war, Odhranos,” When she turned, her illusions had lifted. Her face changed, her eyes emerald green. In the flourish of falling golden curls and blue silk she stood before him as Valrae, herself. “But I’m not going to make those mistakes again. I’m telling you who I am now, showing you now, because I don’t want to lose your trust...” Her smile was vulnerable and genuine. “My real name is Valrae and I’m a witch.”

Odhranos accepted the cup of tea with a small smile and a quiet thanks, sipping the warm fragrant tea to test it's heat before blowing across the surface of the water to cool it a tad quicker. As Grace continued, Odhranos found his brows steepling with concern, and yet a yearning curiosity. He wondered how she had overcome those feelings, how she had managed to surpass those concerns, so that he might learn from her experience and perhaps do the same. But when the gravity of her words landed, coupled with his name, Odhranos' attention was turned from his gently steaming cup and towards the golden-haired, emerald-eyed woman who now took Grace's place Infront of him. Odhranos' eyes widened in shock and he froze, not daring so much as to breath as this unknown woman spoke to him with a tone reminiscent of, but deeper than Grace's voice, introducing herself as Valrae. A name Odhranos was familiar with. A familiarity tracing back to another less pleasant time. Slowly, gingerly, Odhranos placed the cup aside, then rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands, passing them back over his hair as he sank into the depths of the chair, staring ahead blankly, before he properly met Valrae's eyes. "Ah." The mage didn't quite know how else to broach this particular topic. Valrae's bombshell had quite literally blown the mage's poor dithered mind asunder. "Now, when you say Valrae, am I right in thinking that there are not many women by the name, and fewer still who are practitioners of the occult arts?" Odhranos' question was posed with a slight edge of a delirious lilt, the sort of quaver when one had truly began to question everything that is going on around them and honestly, at this point, no question feels like a silly one.

Valrae watched Odhranos process her admission and held her breath. She let him work through it, feeling the silence swell around them and threaten to strangle her. Finally, he spoke and she nodded slowly. “There are not,” She confirmed. “And decidedly fewer I’m sure,” The quiet threatened to swallow the room again. Valrae could see her guildmate struggling with it, adding it to all of the other problems that he’d carried with him, and she felt guilt again. The witch found her explanation bubbling beyond her lips compulsively. “It started because I needed an alias, a careful one. There are people who would see me dead, again, and call me crazy but I am very much a fan of being alive.” She laughed but the sound lacked humor. “And I wanted to fight, there are witches out there who still need me. But then, I wanted to learn more and I needed to be stronger, smarter. Grace the mage could join this guild, Valrae, a dead witch, could not.” Emotions crossed her face like a dark cloud. “I didn’t know there would be more, that I would throw myself into another cause but I can’t turn away from it now,” She moved again, toward him to rest against her desk. “I’m sorry,” Val frowned. “I’m not telling you to add another stone to your shoulders, I’m telling you because I trust you and because I know we can do what needs to be done… It’s just a matter of finding the answers and sharing the weight,” Regret swam in her forest dark eyes. “If I had remembered that, I might not have paid such a heavy price.”

Odhranos' head swirled chaotically as he struggled to get to grips with this new influx of information, that not only changed the current state of things, but rippled back to alter the facts of everything that transpired throughout the whole of the Larketian tragedy. Odhranos folded his hands together and after squaring his elbows on his knees, tucked his chin into the crook of his thumbs, so that his hands covered his mouth as he stared blankly ahead, desperately trying to make sense of this new development. The mage's silence stretched on, bleakly filling the air as Valrae explained herself, the reason for her deception and why she had secreted herself in the Guild in the first place. Odhranos remained quiet as she lapsed into silence, before a quiet sniffle broke the heavy air. "I'm so glad." Odhranos whispered, his voice catching with emotion, as large wet teardrops began sliding down his cheeks, running over his fingers and spattering onto his robed lap. "All this time, I wished that more could have been saved from Larket. Pilar and I were able to save so few. I'm so glad..." Odhranos covered his mouth as his tears spilled with a renewed vigor as he hunched over, as if the sheer weight of emotions that had plagued the man could no longer be supported by his shoulders. "Someone else made it out alive. Thank the gods." The terramancer squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed at his face, trying in vain to wipe his tears, but only making a mess. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." Odhranos protested weakly, trying to regain his composure, but failing miserably. He looked up at Valrae with a weak and worn look, but a genuine open-hearted happiness was apparent in the mage's demeanor. "I suppose, it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Miss Valrae."

Valrae hadn’t known what to expect. Anger, maybe, because no one wanted to be lied to and that’s exactly what she’d done. Frustration, confusion. She felt more equipped to deal with those things maybe. Never in her wildest flights of imagination had she thought to see this from Odhranos. How blind she’d been, how narrow her vision had become to have not known he’d been there. When the first of his tears started to fall a look of sheer, unbridle panic crossed her. ‘Oh, you’ve done it now’, the witch scolded herself. He’d needed a chat, some reassuring words, not whatever it was she’d just done. Selfish, stupid woman that she was. Valrae moves instinctively to comfort, reaching out to rest her hand on his shoulders. “No, please,” She protested at his apologies. “I’m the one who should be sorry,” Stupid, silly woman. The witch moved away only to fetch a linen cloth to offer him. “I shouldn’t have brought this to you now, when you only needed a friend…” Words caught in her throat, her own eyes filling with tears. She was a sympathetic crier and seeing her guildmate like this was enough to move anyone with a heart to tears. When he looked at her again, the happiness she saw on his face sent the tears tumbling over. “The pleasure is mine,” She replies, offering a watery smile and the cloth she’d fetched. “You’ve saved more than you know. My people will forever be grateful.”

Odhranos accepted the cloth with a weak laugh and he scrubbed at his face, wiping his tears, but leaving him flushed and worn-looking. "No, no, I appreciate how much of a leap of faith you must have taken to share this with me. That speaks more volumes of your willingness to trust me than any words could. I'm honoured." The mage's voice caught in his throat, and he coughed weakly. When he noticed Valrae's tears, he instinctively lifted the cloth in his hands to offer it, before thinking better than to offer his own tearstained cloth, fishing a handkerchief from his breast pocket and offering it to her instead. The absurdity of this unecessary exchange of cloths hit him a moment later and caused him to break into laughter. "Oh, Xalious above, I think I needed that cry." The mage chuckled lightly, dabbing at the corners of his eyes once again. Once he had calmed himself, he dipped his head slightly. "I am glad I was able to do what I could for your people. Hildegarde had stationed me in Larket as architect for the Eyrie's new outpost, but when the monarchy started putting the witches to work on the build site, I couldn't stand by idly." Odhranos crumpled the cloth in his hands, before he met Valrae's gaze with his own, the golden and grey irises steeled with conviction. "You can be assured that your secret is safe with me. I chose my allegiance in Larket and my allegiance remains unchanged."

Valrae felt her shoulders relaxing, some of her own weight lifting, when it seemed something in Odhranos finally softened. She took his offered cloth and shared the laugh. When she handed it back it was regrettably covered in the kohl she used to line her eyes. She gave him an apologetic smile as she listened, nodding along. She was moved by him, the moment. “I knew there were others helping,” The witch moved back a step, offering him space. “People helping those who couldn’t or wouldn’t fight get out,” The question lingered on her tone. “And I should have gotten out of my own head, stopped fighting long enough to see that there was another way,” There was guilt, in her voice and in her eyes, the kind that followed someone to the grave. It would be her second one, as it were. “If Tychus and I would have focused more on getting people out and less on trying to fight the crown we might have…” Her voice fades. “I don’t know. But I felt alone too, even though there were others like you, Pilar, who were there.” The witch shrugs. “If I have any advice, it would only be that. To share the burden, step out of your head once and awhile,” Val smiled again, her cheeks tear streaked. “If you need to talk, I’m here. Your secrets will be as safe with me as I know mine are with you,” Thoughtfully, she pauses again. “I’m with you in this, no matter where it takes us,”

Odhranos accepted the handkerchief back with a smile, folding it into a neat square as he listened, shuffling in his seat so that his posture was not quite as horrendous as it had been. He nodded in agreement with Valrae's advice. It made sense, and what's more, he could feel firsthand the relief that came with sharing the burden. "I appreciate having you to share my thoughts with. Even now, I feel better than I have done in… quite some time." Odhranos smiled sheepishly. "I hope I can return the favour and offer you counsel if ever you may need it." Lifting his neglected tea cup, Odhranos proposed a toast "To wherever it may take us." He quaffed the cup, before pulling a grimace. "Blegh, that's gone a tad cold. Tell you what, I have some biscuits stashed away in my office. Let me grab them, and I'll be right back." Odhranos got up from the chair and was halfway towards the door before realising something. His office. It no longer held the same dread to him as it had done mere minutes previous. The wonders of sharing your mind, the mage thought, before turning gracing Valrae the warmest and kindest of smiles that the mage had to offer. "Thank you, Valrae. I feel much better." With that, Odhranos went in search of biscuits, returning with a plateful and a renewed appetite for conversation.