HWWC:Week One

Week One

+ This week's subject for the HWWC: Write a funny little story about an area leader of your choice!

Madigan

He holds up a tiny foxkit in his hands, staring hard at it, eyebrows drawn together in shock and confusion. "Dis is mine?" Ranok looks at Satoshi incredulously. She shrugs in response, one corner of her pursed lips rising and falling with her shoulders. He looks back at the tiny foxkit, mouth slightly agape. "What do hyu ekschpect me to do vith it?"

The Queen of Frostmaw just shrugs at him again. "I can't keep it," she tells him. "Kasyr would know it's not his within a heart's beat." She heaves a loud sigh, still stressed over her predicament. She can do this. She is, after all, the Queen of Frostmaw, arguably the most powerful ice mage in all of Hollow, and just an all-around badass. And she's good at avoiding very bad situations like this one. "Hov has he not notisched already?"

The Queen gives a shrill, sarcastic half-laugh - "Hah!" - and shakes her head. "Yeah..." she mutters and makes no other comment. Ranok is staring at her now with a hard, blank expression. No matter what his expression is, his face is always steely in nature. He doesn't need to hear anymore, so he just looks back at the baby kit. Ranok holds it slightly over his head, its feet dangling helplessly in the air. It looks to be slouching in Ranok's hands as if it's trying to keep itself from slipping over a ledge. Its little tail trembles between its tiny hind legs, its ears lowered in fear. It makes a tiny whine at the back of its throat, its nose shaking and flaring in a plea to be put down somewhere safe where her four paws can feel hard surface. Unable to resist the cute, he brings her close to his chest and covers her by stuffing her into one of the secret compartments on the inside of his duster. She starts to wail in the darkness and Ranok places a hand over her to calm her and let her know she's not alone. Without another word to Satoshi, he turns and trudges back out of Frostmaw, Rynvale the destination in mind.

Back in his fortress, Ranok sets the baby kit down on the floor and mutters in his native tongue a little irritated. How in the hell did he make a baby kit? He sighs heavily as he watches the kit without a clue about what the hell he should do with it. Her. Ugh.

She looks around the room she was set down in, her ears lowered really close to her body and her entire body trembling. Her tail seems to curl even further between her legs as she starts peeing on the fortress floor. Seeing a sudden puddle growing quickly beneath the kit, Ranok picks her up quickly with one hand and cries out in frustration when his hand gets filled with warm liquid. He drops her suddenly at the sensation and holds his arm out in disgust. UGH. This is going to be more difficult than he cared to deal with. He sighs again, clearly very angry as he leaves the kit trembling in a pool of her own pee. When he returns, he's washed his hand and come back with a cloth to clean up her mess, but she's nowhere in sight. "Vhere da Hell did she go?" he grumbles irritably. Eyeing the wet trail of tiny prints, he drops the cloth over the abandoned puddle and starts to search for her in every nook and cranny, starting in the direction the pee trail led.

He doesn't find her after an hour of searching but he does find surprise droppings scattered all over the place at random. He growls as he finds another surprise puddle of pee and drops another cloth on top of it. After he'd found the third puddle, he'd returned with a bunch of cloths, too many to hold in one hand, so he'd stuffed a few under his arm, walking around with his elbow tucked close to his body to keep the cloths from falling. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty," he coos unusually soft to try to lure her out.

A sudden yip and the sound of hasty little claws clattering over the floor erupts from behind Ranok. He turns abruptly to try to spot her, but by the time he's turned, she's absolutely out of sight. "Come here!" he enunciates angrily, his free hand pointing indignantly at the floor before him. Nothing. With the cloths still clenched in hand, he throws his arms up in exasperation, the ones held under his arm dropping to the floor. He growls in irritation as he starts to pick them up. While he's crouching to pick up the scattered pieces of cloth, the kit runs into view with more hasty clattering and scrunches up her back right in front of him, squeezing her legs close together. A little turd slips out of her butthole and she goes running off again.

Rather than bursting out in anger, Ranok just sighs and drops his head.

Ranok had managed to finally track down the kit and cleaned up all of her mess. He fed her and put her to sleep in his bed where she'd peed after waking all alone. When she saw him, her tail wagged excitedly, her body losing balance almost instantly. She yipped at him happily, not caring for the mess she made right on his pillow. He just mutters something unintelligible as he scoops her up and takes her for a walk just outside the fortress walls. Kits are supposed to run around, right? And she does. She runs off far from the fortress, sending Ranok scrambling behind her as he tries to scoop her up, but every time he gets close enough to grab her, she manages to speed away in the split second it takes him to stop moving to clap his big hands around her tiny form. Forty-five minutes later, Ranok returns to the fortress with a wriggling kit in his palm, his eyebrows heavy and the lines of his brow creased. "Schtop moving, Kitty," he commands but with no success. He wraps his other hand around her to keep her still, but it only works slightly to subdue her jerky movements.

It's been a few months now that Kitty has been living with Ranok. He's grown very fond of her, even though she continues to make messes. Never when he takes her outside, though, does she do her business. Only inside his fortress. He rolls his eyes slightly as he strokes her soft coat.

She's now resting in his lap after having exhausted herself and Ranok by making him chase her around the fortress once again, trying to avoid his punishment for another naughty deed. Her ridiculously oversized ear twitches in her sleep. He gently picks her up from his lap and takes her to his room, laying her onto his bed. He strips off his usual clothes and gets ready for bed. It doesn't take long for Ranok to fall asleep though, the tiny kit's soft breaths providing a kind of lullaby for him.

When he wakes, he doesn't find Kitty next to him but a frightening mutant monster. It's covered in patches of fur and green scales, its face reptilian with freakishly mutated wings protruding from its back. It roars a baby's roar and hops in place excitedly. Ew, did it just grin at him? Its teeth were freakishly big and sharp.

He quickly shoots out of bed and sends a blast of wind at the horrific monster from his vambrace. Of course he sleeps with it on. Seriously, it's Ranok; did you expect anything different?

The monster gets propelled back all of a sudden and smacks against the wall with a familiar whine, then drops to the floor with a thud. "Kitty?" Ranok looks around worriedly, wondering where his poor kit is. Is she safe? He comes around the bed, ready to kill the monster for eating his baby kit and, instead of finding the monster in a heap at the floor, he discovers Kitty. The lines on his brow deepen when he puts two-and-two together.

Back at Frostmaw, Ranok pushes through massive ice doors to find the queen. You would think the queen's guards would do a better job of keeping Ranok out, but at least the ones stationed outside her bedroom doors were familiar with him, so they let him through without any trouble. "Vhat da Hell, gurl? I vake up to find a demon in my bed and dishcover it's Kitty!"

The Queen's eyebrows come together in a frown. "Kitty?" she asks, papers covered in sketchings spread out before her, though her attention is fully on Ranok's confusing words. From within his duster, he pulls out the kit, now a bit bigger than when Satoshi had first seen it. Her eyebrows shoot up in understanding at the sight of the kit, but her brow creases once more in confusion. "Why did you name it 'Kitty'? That's not a very fitting name for a foxkit..."

Ranok glares at her for a moment. "Foxkit? Kit? Kitty? Makes shense to me."

Satoshi just frowns at his stupid reasoning, but makes no further comment on the matter. "So... what's the problem again?"

His face grows angrier, "Vhat da Hell is she?! She turned into sum hybrid dragon-kit!"

The Queen suddenly blushes. "Well, I don't have anything to do with that," she responds hastily, trying to avoid the matter. "It's your problem now. You took it and it's your responsibility." She abruptly returns to her sketches, trying to continue her drawings but fails.

"No." Ranok glares. "It's hyur problem nov."

"What is Satoshi's problem now?" asks Kasyr as he steps into the Queen's bedroom, covered in dried dragon's blood. He stares at the kit in Ranok's hand and then glances between Ranok and Satoshi.

The end.

Rawnie

Rumors spread quickly, as they are wont to do on the loose lips of mamas and girls who have nothing better to do with their time spent, and always, it is easy to gossip about those in a position where scandal can rock a solid foundation. It was heard over tea and scones, the talk of Hadrian’s rise to power and fame. Women in Gualon, who pride themselves on reputations and beauty alone, seemed to find themselves drawn to the gardens for a stroll, or a game of chess to bide ones time until their attention can be stolen by solicitors or calls to one’s parlor for a bout of gossip more. “It has come to my attentions, and that of Mrs. Petticrew, that Hadrian has fallen from Gladiatorial position!” A series of small gasps and faint ‘oh no’s echoed out behind the gloved palms of a gaggle of ladies, who sat upon the red checkered face of a picnic cloth; occasionally, they’d pause from their banter to sip tea or breathe. “Indeed he has! As boorish as the fights can be, I can’t help but sit and watch just to stare at him!” Quickly, the handful of young missus surrounding the plate of assorted fruit and dainty tea glasses filled the air with agreeing titters of laughter. The man was quite a sight. One lady in particular, whose nose curved upwards just enough to nearly resemble that of a pig, merely snorted into the steam that billows from the milky substance within her china glass. “Oh please. Hadrian might indeed be a handsome fellow, but the fact that he consorts with that harlot living at the end of Foundling street makes him hardly the eligible man.” Cautiously, the young, piggish girl looked up to inspect the gardens to ensure neither the fallen Gladiator, or the woman in question was about. “Not only that, but it’s supposed that he takes a many number of mistresses! It’s in the books that he has at least seven right now! And from those liaisons, he’s fathered twelve bastard children!”

The other three women merely waved away the gossip, refusing to believe such nonsense, but the expressions lingering there upon their features spoke of an untold horror. Still, the girl with the piggish snout continued. “They say he cares for nothing more than his honor. But honor would dictate that he pay for this ill-begotten children and their mothers! He’s nothing more than a rake that seduces young women straight out of the school room into his bed. He refuses to be tied down, or so I’ve heard.” A beguiling smile curved out onto the girl’s mouth as she watched her companions slowly lose faith in their dashing gladiator. “He’s bad news I’m telling you. Cursed by his latest bedmate; they say, even though he’s fond of taking mistress after mistress, he’s besotted with the woman up the road a’ways. Fortune hunter, is what my mama says. It’s likely she had spiked Hadrian’s drink with a love potion, the poor rake of a man. Due to the incredulous stares received, the girl continued onward, segwaying into a story of her own about love potions and tricky men.

Hanan

SOME ENCHANTED EVENING, a fanfiction

RANOK, bold scion of Rynvale, entered the Kelay Tavern. His armor was freshly shined, his hair was freshly combed, his facial hair freshly teased. He strolled manfully to the bulletin board and perused the postings there. They were mainly insipid. His beard bristled with anguish.

"Why?!" He cried out. "Why are no area leaders encouraging more immigration into their lands? Why is nobody providing these immigrants with work?! Woe upon us all, when the most active realm in all the land is full of icy rock, ruled by strange childlike fox beings! I remember, back when I was but a young flectomancer, when--"

"DID SOMEBODY MENTION AREA LEADERS?" came a musical screeching from the back of the tavern. Ranok turned and spied the most beautiful fairy he had ever seen, clad in a green gown, her hues flaring anger. "Because I would like you to know that Enchantment is a community on the go! Even now we are engaged in a dynamic hobbit renewal program that promises to spur unprecedented height-disadvantaged population growth--"

"I'm sorry," Ranok asked her, drawing closer, his voice suddenly breathy. "I'm sorry, my dear, but... are you discussing urban renewal and efforts to encourage community activity?"

"Yes! Yes, I, Thea, am a very active contributor to all of these things and want to make you aware of that!" "My dear, you appear to have read the schematic of... my heart."

Thea's boudoir, smelt of roses. Trees had grown through all the walls. The forest floors decorated with many large pillows to sit on, even large enough to lay up to five fairies on. The walls having a deep green paint, following with sheer curtains hung over each window, the ceiling was all glass at many places allowing to see the canopy to be seen at any time, between each sheet of glass was a chain with a hanging an ex-boyfriend's phylactery. Even the floor was soft like walking on moss, it was very different compared to many of places flooring. In middle of the bedroom their would be seen a fire pit, on the walls paintings of Tiphareth dancing with the soft light given off from the flames. The room was a constant sparkly, never changed never too shiny. A small bar table was in here as well, covered with variety of vodkas. One of the walls was an assortment of shot glasses variety of colors along lengths. Even a variety of drow-themed steins were hanging there, with some other items. Even a large glass boot , what an interesting wall. Their was a violinist in the far corner standing in the shadows, playing a soft romantic tune.

"My love," breathed Thea, leaning against one of Ranok's two broad shoulders as they lay on one of the many floor pillows, orbs lolling in utter bliss. "My love, tell me again about your efforts to stem shoreline erosion through a complicated public works scheme involving those street urchins you rescued from the Broken Barrel's basement."

"Vell," said Ranok, tracing a single digit along her jaw. "Vell, ve arr goink to tech ze urchins 'ow to plant sheedlinks ov variouz lokal varaiteez in der zandz sho az too--"

Thea placed one digit over this lips, her eyes bleeding concern. "My love, your voice..."

"I ahm sorringk," he said sheepishly. "Zis iz vaht ah mahn's voize shoundz lik vhen he iz berry aroosed."

"This explains so much about Kasyr," realized Thea, sitting up and clapping her hands.. "Enough! The time for conversation is over! Violinist! The music! And look away!"

"Yes, your majesty," said the already turning musician, who had learned the routine long ago.

All that was heard for the rest of the evening was manly whispers, girlish giggles, "Flight of the Bumblebee," and the loud mechanical wrring of a drill-like apparatus.

Merrien

So guys, there was this one time that I was hanging out with Ranok and---what? You know...Ranok? That tall guy with the funny accent? Talks too much? Yeah, you know who I'm talking about! Alright, so Ranok and I were under the sea in a bubble made out of magical unicorn spit that let us breathe down there and we were trying to find the kraken that was sinking ships just off the coast of Rynvale. We were about 40,000 leagues down and my ears were popping like mad when we came across the beast. It was at least 100,000,000 feet long and it had huge glowing red eyes that seemed to stare into your soul all scary-like. Ranok threw his hat at it, but all that ended up doing was making it grab the hat and use it as a prop for this horrific musical number it made us sit through. Let me tell you mates, krakens may be good at ship-sinking, skull-crushing, and pants-wetting terror, but they can't sing worth dung. After it was done making us listen to the twelve minute version of "My Ragtime Squid", it seemed to be done with us and it opened its gaping maw to eat us. I was so frightened I almost wet myself, but then something amazing happened. Ranok took out his war hammer--heavens knows I don't know where he was keeping that thing!--and beats the kraken over the head with his hammer of might. The kraken looked at Ranok with strange eyes before coming towards us. I thought we were dead for sure, but then it wrapped its tentacle around our bubble and squeezed, not popping the bubble, but instead it seemed to almost embrace Ranok. It hugged him softly, and then caressed him. I was confused, but Ranok shrugged and gave one of the tentacles a little pat. The sea monster gave an elated ink squirt as it proceeded to use Ranok like cuddle-toy. Ranok seemed strangely alright with this. Maybe he was just always looking for love, who knows. With all his babbling on about things you'd never know. Ranok decided to stay with the kraken for a while. I was sad to see him go, but I loved to watch him leave, if you know what I mean. What? He has a nice arse. I mean, I'm practically eye-level with it, I can't help but notice! Anywho, I got an invitation for the wedding the other day, which is what reminded me of this story. The kraken and Ranok are going to be very happy I think, even though the long distance is going to be killer. It's hard to keep finding unicorn spit to create magical-bubbles of air. The kraken tried to come up here once, but the people of Rynvale were scared and Mitzi--that's the kraken's real name you know? Mitzi--was so self-conscious that she said she could not do it again and shuffled back into the sea. We lost a whole fleet o' ships that night and it was only when Ranok bought her flowers that she agreed to stop eating stranded sailors floating desperately on wreckage. It was a rough patch, but they are stronger for it. So anyways, Mitzi and Ranok invited me to their wedding and since Ranok and I are such good friends he told me to write a balled of their joining...but I'm a little stuck on the second verse. Tell me what you think so far mates:

Ranok and Mitzi are such an odd pair The Kraken and the rescuer, sharing one lair They met 40,000 leagues under the sea With a bubble of unicorn spit to separate we

Ohhh Ranok and Mitzi: they never shall strife Just an innovator and his kraken-squid wife! They seem a strange sight and they'll give you a fright If you overthink their intimate-life

The kraken she did at first try to eat us But don't think she's mean, she didn't really beat us She did a horrible dance with Ranok's hat

...and here's where I'm lost fellas? Any way you could help me out a bit? No...Well...you all suck. That's why you're not invited to the wedding. It's true. Ranok doesn't like any of you. Not even -you- Rick! Laugh it up, when the kids come out I'll be the godmother and you'll all be Ran-kraken baby food. I'll see it yet. Hmm...maybe something about a cat. That rhymes with hat...Well either way, if you won't help me, at least could like six of you all get together so that I can tie you all up and dance with you? I promised Mitzi that I would be her maid of honor and teach her how to dance, but she has so many legs...tentacles...and I don't know how it would work with so many limbs so come on fellas, be good sports now.~

Asailu

A drunken tale about Thea:

There I was wandering along the forest late one night just north of Enchantment when I saw the strangest thing you would ever think to see. It was the Pix Queen Thea with a bear. Such a strange sight to see! You would have to be there to believe it. The bear was dressed up like a baby with a diaper tied around its rear and a bonnet on its head. The Pix was sitting on a boulder only a few feet away dressed in some skimpy looking night gown. She smiled at the bear with that charm of hers and beckoned it closer with her finger calling out seductively, “Come to Mama.” And the bear must have been under a spell to start wobbling on two legs over to her as if he was a little baby. I had to pinch myself thinking I was dreaming, but I tell you, it really happened! Queen Thea seduced a bear!

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