Fight:A Severely Silly Spousal Spat
The Setting
Frostmaw Tavern
The tavern is slightly chilled, and more uncomfortable to those who enjoy the warmth that other buildings and inns have to offer. As you glance about you see normal sized chairs for visitors such as humans, dwarves, elves, and the like of medium sized humanoids that would enter and leave this place. Along all four walls lays a large oak made booth, suitable for its giant inhabitants to sit and enjoy their drinks and meals in comfort, among the booths lay various blood stained marks as well as chips and cracks along the surface from older brawls that had taken place in the passed. Upon further inspection, this massive tavern seems to have a skeletal head of a large dragon hanging from the cieling, wrapped and constricted in pale blue chains, while your eyes continue to explore, you notice a rather bulky and well toned frost giant behind the bar. Upon his left eye, which you notice is blinded, a scar travels down and along his jaw, traveling even further to his neck, and vanishing under the heavy clothing that rests on his chest. The large bartender simply watches you, awaiting to see if you are here to rest, or order from the menu, as well, beside the old giant awaits a massive sized war-axe, incase you would be here to start some trouble.
The Props
1 Fire-Poker is here. [Get 1]
1 Mangy mop is here. [Get 1]
10 Chaos Shard are here. [Get 1] [Get All]
1 Crystal egg is here. [Get 1]
1 Fleur de Sel Jar is here. [Get 1]
1 Katar-Of Frozen-Icicle is here. [Get 1]
1 Vuryal plush doll is here. [Get 1]
1 ice pack is here. [Get 1]
1 large ball-of-string is here. [Get 1]
1 pirates gold-dubloon is here. [Get 1]
1 birthday cake is here. [Get 1]
1 dragon whelp is here. [Get 1]
1 goblin brain is here. [Get 1]
2 human legs are here. [Get 1] [Get All]
1 Fire-breath elixir is here. [Get 1]
1 Beauty Potion is here. [Get 1]
1 love potion is here. [Get 1]
1 Amber Stone is here. [Get 1]
1 Baby Unicorn is here. [Get 1]
1 Emperor Tamarins is here. [Get 1]
1 baby booger is here. [Get 1]
1 Spider-Hilt Longsword is here. [Get 1]
Satoshi is using Cuddly Kensai-Kasyr Plushie as a weapon.
Svilfon is using Squeaky Dragon-Ilgy Plush as a weapon.
The Cast & Crew
Duelists: Satoshi and Svilfon
Stakes: Loser fights Deathgoat's little brother in single combat. If Svilfon wins, Satoshi fights his dreaded parrot Percy to the death. If Satoshi wins, Svilfon will write another song about her, and prepare her a steak dinner.
Judges: We don't need no stinkin' judges! =O (because they'd just laugh at us here)
Time Limit: 10 minutes/post.
The Instigation
Svilfon got a little lost. <<
Satoshi blames the bad maps. Giants have terrible hand-writing.
Svilfon snickers.
Svilfon draws forth his mighty plushy. It squeaks in a menacing way at Satoshi.
Satoshi sets the stage, by means of seating herself at a table that's been well covered in an assortment of objects that range from food to bandages to books and even a broken broom. In all honesty, it looks like Satoshi has upturned her satchel and poured out half the items lurking within its depthless confines. Atop the junk piled before her perches a little plush doll that bears a striking resemblance to her husband, complete with cuddly expression that masks death behind it.
Svilfon wanders in, casually. He takes of his hat and turns it upside down, over a table beside Satoshi's. The only thing that falls out is a mangy mop. This is picked up and held before him in one hand, his plushie in the other. "En guard!" He cries, as venerable a battle cry as any. The plushie lets out a dragon's roar. Squeak squeak.
Svilfon is also quietly impressed how much stuff Satoshi lugs around.
Satoshi's hands--yes, both, because battles of spousal plushies is completely altruistic--take hold of her calico plush and bring him to his feet, one of his arms waving in a highly animated fashion at the roaring dragon doll. "En guard yourself!" Satoshi-badly-mimicking-Kasyr's-accent says, "I'll skewer tu! ...Vous? Tu-vous!"
The Confrontation
Svilfon begins to circle Satoshi like a cat, doing his best not to be too distracted by the ball-o'-string. He waggles the plushie, it is menacing. It's furry tongue rolls about. You can tell it means business. Squeak squeak. Yes, his squeaks! Does her's? Distracting her by his unasked, but written question, Svilfon advances and goes about trying to hit Satoshi on the head with his plushie.
Satoshi might be easily distracted, but her mock-husband is her guardian and thus... always on guard! It's in the name, even! Ilgy's dragony self doesn't find its target as she might have hoped, for with a leap, bound, and swish of that fantastic tail, Plush-Kasyr is between them, and in his hand the broken business end of the broom. An expert of swords--and thus brooms, being a distant cousin--the squishy calico proceeds to deftly deflect the blow with a sweeping arc before he goes on the offensive. Ilgy, and the nearby wizard, will face the swatting of a lifetime from cruel bristles if they don't move fast! "I'll beat the stuffing out of you et then sweep you under the carpet!" Satoshi hasn't forgotten to include her husband's love of puns mid-battle, she's -that- good of a wife.
Svilfon is foiled in the last by the venerable plushie and his mastery of brooms... they're kinda like swords! And then at his face comes the bristles, filled from years of cleaning up after giants, and more recently the little gifts left behind by Svil's arm-chair-eatin' goat. This wasn't going according to plan! Ilgy squeaks her frustration as Svil is battered back, pushed ever further towards the table. And there it is! His lifeline. Oh yes. Not so clever now! Nyah! He leans down and up the fire-breathing elixir. He has an idea. It is a good one, too! The wizard bites off the wax seal and pours the liquid all over his plushie, making it a little sticky, but still! It is enhanced by the liquid's rather fiery properties. "Ah hah!," he yells, his voice triumphant. The mouth is aimed at Satoshi, his fingers encircle its belly, and then he squeezes! The mighty roar of a plushie dragon resounds around the room, "SQUEAKK!", followed by a dragon-like explosion of fiery breath! Well, dragon-like if dragons were one sixteenth their size, and made of.. it's not important! For hurling at Satoshi is a tiny torrent of fire, ready to melt the icy queen and turn her calico plushie into a flaming pile of.. fluff. He is a good husband, too. He remembers his wife's love for... turning plushies into fiery piles of fluff! It's real! Ask her. <<
Satoshi takes refuge behind the brave form of her miniature husband as the fire approaches, and it's while cowering away like this that she spots their saving grace upon the table. With frantic claws she seizes the item and hurls it forward, directly into the line of fire--literately. The spooky image of a diminuative Vuryal sails through the air fluffy end over fiendish end until it meets Ilgy's breath and promptly bursts into flame. The doll emits a chilling, squeakish-wail as it's fried into oblivion and crumbles into ash and burnt stuffing. Satoshi is so thrilled at the sight that she fails to notice that not all of Ilgy's fire has been halted by the sacrificial lamb-fiend, and in dismay the cattish duo are pelted with embers that produce that most irritating stinging where they've found flesh. Oh, the -nerve- of that dragon! In rage at his wife's injuries, the calico swordsman abandons his trusty broom and takes up the firepoker lying across the table, brandishing it at Ilgy with a decidedly triumphant, "Aha! I have tu-vous -now-! It's time for a game of poke 'er!" With that, Kasyr-plush-controlled-by-Satoshi advances on the dragon and wizard team while using the fire-poke to jab at them in a fencing-style. Ilgy's peppery mouth is the main target, although he does take a few sneaky shots at Svilfon's hands in hopes of crippling the puppetmaster.
Svilfon eeeps in a very unmanly way, earning him an irritated squeak from his wife-plushie, as the fire-poker is sent towards him and his dragon. He weaves her around, making 'Woooshhh' noises just like dragons make, but alas, the poker often strikes true. Prodding into the plushie, causing wounds which leak precious fluff onto the floor. Svilfon is aghast. His hands were wounded, too, but his blood is nothing compared to the poor pouring of plushie fluff! So he runs away, in moments tripping over the baby unicorn which has begun to nibble on the same chair Svil's goat does. What is with that bloody chair? No matter! The wizard gets an even better idea than before. He picks up the baby unicorn and one of the human legs, which happens to be close. What? He's lucky! The little unicorn 'neighs' his objection. Svilfon yells 'Aye!" Ilgy squeaks. It is decided Svil wins the votes two to one. The unicorn is turned to aim at Satoshi. The Ilgy-plush is placed on its back, a human leg adjusted to be her lance... Yes, dragon plushies can use lances!.. don't judge me... But yes! Leg-lance, dragon, unicorn, it has all come together for the wizard and his venerable doll. I mean, action figure! With it aimed and ready, Svilfon gives the unicorn a little kick and sends it hurling directly at the snow queen. Ilgy-plush, leaking some fluff but still quite sticky from the elixir, stays true on its back, the leg aimed directly for her and her plushie. Just like a brave knight of old it charges, and in the background Svil yells, "Ye' ol' driveth the evil away, wut wut!" It seems he is a little confused as to time lines. <<
Satoshi-as-Kasyr loudly declares, "Au contraire! Mes apologies, madamoiselle dragon," yeah, she's really stretching this accent thing, "but you cannot hope to best a knight at a knight's game!" Even as the unicorn-bound dragon bears down upon him, the kensai doll is on the move, absconding another unfortunate creature from the table and arming himself with a handy leg. Leggy? Either way, the second human leg finds a home as the plush's adorable little tail finds a place upon the back of... wait for it... a dragon whelp! Yes, the kuro no kensai is so utterly fiendish that he'll ride into battle upon one of Ilgy's own brood! Oh, how I can hear her weak mother's heart fluttering in pain already. Without further ado (no, not adieu, we at least know -that- much), the fluff-filled knight begins his charge, leg tucked firmly beneath his arm as Satoshi urges the unwilling dragonling onward. The collision is decidedly less... splintery... than traditional jousts, but when the lances are decaying legs and the combatants impossibly squishable, what do you expect? Plushie Kasyr has lost his loyal dragon-steed, earned a few unpleasant tears, and has been sent sailing by the force of meeting Ilgy, but if you think -that- is enough to stop the kensai, well... you clearly don't know Kasyr. In fact, when he lands upon the table, one might even think he planned to be thrown this far, for it's brought him right to the item he (really, Satoshi, being the brains of the outfit) wants. In little time food items are being hurled down upon Ilgy's form, each one accompanied by the obligatory pun, "Prepare to be a-salt-ed!" for the jar of Fleur de Sel. "Have your cake and eat it too!", since it's Ilgy's birthday (Svilfon totally forgot, the jerk). "The yolk's on tu-vous!" Okay, a crystal egg isn't food, but he just wanted to make that terrible pun anyway. And finally (thank Sven), "Clean yourself up, you're embarassing moi!" is announced before the dragon plush has a Beauty Potion aimed her way.
Svilfon lets out a maiden's swoon as his mighty wife-plushe meets the cuddly-Kensai in a jousting explosion of... well, fluff. And oh!- how Kasyr flies, but alas the dragon-plush's fate is hardly better. For a few moments there it is like she is the real Ilgy; soaring gracefully, well spinning wildly, but shhh, gracefully through the air on little flapping wings. Right up until the time she lands on the bar. And then, oh no! I don't know what's worst, the puns or the incoming food. But either way she is bombarded by a plethora of badness: She is salted, oh no! Lucky she's not a slug. No, she doesn't look like one! Err, she is caked in cake, oh no! A candle sticking proudly from her chocolate (chocolate cake is her favorite, it's her birthday, right?) covered, and now altogether sticky, body. And then, to top it all off, the egg! But no yolk is on her, it sticks to the conflagration of food sorts. And then, just because all that wasn't enough, she is beauty potioned! There is, so sadly, no potion strong enough to make Ilgy beautiful. (I'm so going to tell her I said that. Mwhaha.) So all it does is make her plushie'd self a little dirtier, a little stickier. Svilfon, still swooned, doesn't even notice his goat buddy coming in. A chirp, a moo, and an oink or two later, it has wandered over to Ilgy, licked at the food stuffs, before it eats her! Oh no! With woof and a quark!, the goat scrambles away, leaving Svilfon laying on the ground, crying tears for his defeated and digested wife, stuck as she is now in the belly of the world's most confused goat. Which flies out the door./
Satoshi's plushified husband at least has the decency to look sympathetic at the untimely and goatly demise of Ilgy. But he could also very well be wearing that expression because Satoshi finds it so utterly adorable that she just has to hug the stuffing out of him. Poor Kasyr. If plushies could feel, he'd probably be wishing he was in Ilgy's position just now. Sato-hugs are fierce hugs.