Duel:Lanlan v. Mr. Rock, Round Two Agitation Monster Tournament

Part of the Agitation Arc

Duelists: Lanlan versus Mr. Rock, a pet rock (played by Hildegarde)
Duel: Traditional 3 attacks and defenses each. 15 minute time limit. 
Stakes: Advancement into Round Three of the Agitation Monster Tournament. 
Judges: Leone & Reginae  

Village Path, Xalious

This path begins just outside of the town and leads straight to the Mage Tower. The tower is smaller than the watchtower to the south, and much odder. It appears that this tower is made completely of pure water. The windows seem to shine like glass, and probably are, but the tower is solid water, holding the other pieces by magic. From here the door looks to be made of wood, and there are no hinges you can see, but rather melded straight into the walls of the tower. The magic to create this place must have been enormous but the benefits well worth it. An impenetrable tower, unbreakable except for the man made entrances, it would be the perfect place to make a stand. And you do not doubt that the wood is also magically endowed, such a little magical effort compared to the great tower of liquid. To the west is a rustic looking library that is connected to the Mage Tower, but is made out of ordinary materials, though well fashioned, which seems to hold many books to help in magic learning. To the east is a rough cliff, and to the south is the main part of town.

Lanlan leaves the Mage's Tower, having reported to his peers (who at the moment hold an elevated position over him), the calamitous figure that was Bob the Bonecrusher, and how elegantly Lanlan dispatched of him. Now being rested from the ordeal, he leaves, considering his mission accomplished. He's wearing a comfortable set of traveling garb. Simple white pants and a black shirt. A ruby brooch holds two pieces of his torn violet cloak together, and it hardly flutters behind him anymore.

Duel

Hildegarde || Mr Rock had repelled the angsty Alex and his cacophonous kazoo and sensual saxophone, he and his rocky brethren had pelted against Alex repeatedly and even nearly crushed the stones of the bard. With the time that had since passed, Mr Rock had come to dwell on his sentience. What was the meaning of his stony existence? Who made him the way he was? All these questions and no answers. So with no true path in life, he decided to rebel and bring down the institutions of the world! Or Xalious. Xalious would do. Before Lanlan has even left the Mage’s Tower, there has been a growing shadow and one might easily assume it’s the typical shadow of the mountain’s covering the valley in a welcoming shade. But not this time. This time it is an avalanche of pebbles, rocks, stones, gravel, dirt! All surrounded in an ominous glow of blue, Mr Rock – the tiny yet mighty pebble that he is – rides the wave of minerals and smashes proudly against the Mage’s Tower like a terra tsunami. Imagine the Scots screaming ‘Freedom!’ before the English, there’s that same feeling of brave independence amongst these valiant stones that are compelled by the indomitable will of Mr Rock.

Lanlan will try to be as the oppressive English were to the Scottish: far away and very manipulative, but unlike them, very sure not to sleep with any of the rocks' wives. "The trouble with Xalious," begins Lanlan, "is that it's full of rocks!" The first thing Lanlan does when he sees the rubble-rousing rock, is turn around immediately and speed back to the Mage's Tower. Ripping open the door, a rough extension of the hive's mass pushes him through, with him only just able to close the door behind him and between the rest of the sedimentary swarm. Shaking several out of his shoes, he resolves to open the door once more. From inside the transparent tower he can see the rocks still knocking at the door. Thinking they must be occupied for now, he hoofs it up the stairs to gaze down on them from the balcony, because they must also be dealt with, and with people watching, it would look very well for it to be him the dealer. So he jumps off the balcony of the tower, and activates a charm on his person, to allow him that which most rocks will never have the luxury of doing by themselves: being off the ground. He would beckon them if rocks had brains, but being very bigoted with most minerals he instantly resolves to try to get rid of them. He produces a glass wand from his sleeve, and begins whirling it about like a conductor. In a moment, Lanlan calls upon an illusive and semi-abrupt change in the hydro-magi-tower. Apparently, the door crumbles in front of Mr. Rock, and the liquidy walls come crashing around down Mr. Rock, the vast torrent washing over him like an actual tsunami, and maybe convincing him to go with the flow. Otherwise Mr. Rock will hopefully think his mission was accomplished and begin a new train of thought. Such as, who decided that Mr. Rock was a Mister anyways?

Mr Rock can tell immediately that Lanlan Longshanks is a very horrendous person indeed. But the drow was lucky, for a good portion of the tsunami was cut off by his speedy retreat into the Mage’s Tower and the sealing of the door behind him. Yet the wave, being that it was a massive wave that brought in all sorts of Xalious into the tower, would certainly cost Lanlan some time in trying to wiggle out of the mass of stones and gravel and to the stairs of the tower. But ho! Look at what the rock dragged in! The panther that commonly stalked the village path of Xalious, the panther that often lurked outside the tower for scraps and other unfortunate souls. With a snarl to make Bagheera jealous, the panther leaps from the rubble and pursues the drow up the stairs. With the panther in pursuit, Mr Rock must channel his will and his focus into the tower itself. Encouraging his brethren, though they have long since been shaped and shackled into the form of a mighty tower, to rebel and join him in glorious freedom. As Lanlan is running up the steps and the panther running behind him in pursuit, he would find the walls shedding dust and little bits of rubble as they inched inwards; threatening to make the steps skeewiff and trip him up to make a tasty meal for the panther. Perhaps the panther has tore a nice meaty chunk out of Lanlan’s backside before the fiendish drow hurled himself off into freedom. And while Mr Rock cannot fly and cannot swim, he cannot drown either! So he is not terribly inconvenienced in the swirling pool of fluid. He just wants to be part of Lanlan’s world. With the blue of the water, it is impossible to tell that the ominous yet telltale blue glow of Mr Rock’s mysterious powers was underway. From the depths of the swirling pool, the little rock is focusing on what to do; on how to tell this would be Icarus that he has flown too close to the sun and must come back down to earth. Suddenly, it breaches the water and zooms upwards! A chunk of the earth itself, dense with minerals and stones. The giant mass is speedily approaching Lanlan with the vicious intent of knocking him off kilter and sending him back to earth; yet it splits into four smaller – but all the faster – pieces and some even sharpen into little pernicious points. Dastardly, Mr Rock, dastardly!

Lanlan has always wondered why that panther wasn't killed by anybody. By now it should've been killed thousands of times! "Damned lazy mages!" He curses as he runs for dear life up the stairs. He has to do everything himself doesn't he? As he sprints up the stairs and away from it, several layers of dust form, and the panther swipes his leg from under him. Both these things together nearly cause him to trip. It's the third thing, gravity, that always brings him down when nothing else can it seems. So he does fall, up the stairs, too, and nobody helps him. The panther, to add insult to injury, tries to bite him in the butt, and basically does, ripping out his entire wallet and swallowing it all. "That's how random animals get money," he concludes, and he blasts the creature with an imaginary fireball, tricking his foolish gato mind into thinking it was hurt. Some gold and silver and a lot of lead coins join Mr.'s army and chase him out the stairs. At last we get to more or less the present time with Lanlan jumping out the window and everything else after that. Now Mr. Rock is trying to bring him down nearly the instant he defeats gravity. How many forces of nature must Lanlan contend with in one day? Is everything stacked against him? With no agility due to being airborne, Lanlan shrinks his body by curling up into the fetal position. Gently, he floats out of the way of some of the pieces, and closes his eyes while he's ruthlessly smacked by spikey, angry rocks. He's sent spiraling down the Village way, at such a great pace what with his lack of inertia and all. But he maintains his floaty position, his charm still active. A little down the road, he slams into a lovely and cushiony couple playing dominoes on a blanket. They all fall down, and Lanlan survives and doesn't thank them for being soft nor apologize for ruining their game. They might be dead. "Geology's stupid," Lanlan says and he pretends to be dead, or takes a rest, or can't move his limbs. But his eyebrows don't stop moving. In fact, they provide the somatic component for one of his spells, and a very big man made of rocks erupts out of the ground. "Rocks, listen to me. This man Lanlan is a friend to all geology." In case the rocks don't understand the common tongue, the big imaginary rock man also uses gestures. "Treat him right, and he will make sure he polishes you with a soft napkin." Most definitely Mr. Rock will be persuaded and leave Lanlan alone now.

Mr Rock has been swept away and along with the course of the water, trickling down near Lanlan’s landing site. Mr Rock is observing from a distance as the drow, this fleshy drow thing, has the audacity to make a rock man! Maybe he should call it Dwayne or Johnson. They seem like rock solid name options for a rock solid man. This mage-man cannot be trusted, he’s obviously lying and trying to betray to Rock-Scots a la Robert the Bruce-Rock! This will not stand. With thoughts of his beloved Roxy – an exotic pebble from the beaches of Cenril – to give him strength, Mr Rock finds the will to take on Lanlan once again. With a sudden ‘puh-tew!’ a small rock that has been shaped into a sphere launches swiftly from the ledge in which Mr Rock observes Lanlan, firing down speedily at him with all the force and speed needed to smash through flesh and bone alike. ‘Puh-tew! Puh-tew!’ Five more spherical rocks fire after, two aiming for the face; one for the groin; one for the gut and one for the kneecap. Rolling down the hill, Mr Rock rolls towards his newly declared nemesis to put an end to this.

Lanlan sees now that he has only one chance to survive. Even if Mr. Rock doesn't kill him, he will die of embarrassment because no mage should lose to a rock. He's obviously hit rock bottom. While Mr. Rock takes aim, Lanlan takes cover, inching closer to one of the innocent bystanders laying down and maybe dying. Luckily Lanlan is a lithe creature, and this big human having something of a beer belly, the mound of which takes the brunt of Mr. Rocks flying pebbles. A few of them puncture this bouncy belly and slam into it's elasticy edge on the other side, prodding poor wounded Lanlan in the head. Having had enough Lanlan decides to roll away, turning his back to Mr. Rock...and then facing him again, and so on. During each of the first few revolutions he's hit by another rock. Each one hurts him and sends him rolling even further. At some point he actually rolls off the cliff, but he doesn't tell Mr. rock. He continues rolling on a ground he's made imaginary with his magic while he levitates some more, leading Mr. Rock to his doom as he would plummet off the cliff. Even if not to his doom (because how do you kill a rock), to his new location...! far away from Lanlan and the Mage's. Then Lanlan will tell the mage's that he won, and that will be equivalent to a victory to Lanlan.

Mr Rock is a rock. While rolling down towards Lanlan with the intent of smiting his foe, he is accidentally caught underfoot by a pedestrian fleeing the scene. Smooshed into the earth, Mr Rock decides that this is a tactical benefit: it means he’s hidden from any retaliation from the drow. Hopefully, drow and Rock would never cross paths again…

Mr. Rock wins.